Page 77 of Between Love and Loathing
I was going to have to learn to be without her soon and I felt the panic of it suddenly, like I had to disentangle myself fast.
“Right, but I really would like your expertise on picking out these flowers for the ceiling.” She emphasized by waving her hand full of dirt above her head. The sun shined down on her in my grass, planting a fucking garden, and I think my stress level went through the roof. Suddenly it was fucking hard to breathe.
“Whatever. Fine. Send it to my email.” I waved her off and tried to hurry inside. And then I made another idiotic decision by calling a brainstorming meeting with staff to discuss final changes to the resort.
When I walked out of the study and saw her, I couldn’t decide if I wanted to fuck her or flee from her.
“Are you okay?”
“Fine,” I muttered. “Just fine.”
I was not in fact fucking fine.
I was falling in love with my fake girlfriend.
CLARA
Ialready got the sign hung that week, worked on clarifying menu changes with Rita and the team, and had to fight tooth and nail for Rita to approve my floral decor.
That morning, I almost gave in and called a health professional about the increased pain that I was experiencing. Baking was becoming more and more difficult, and the medications weren’t working like they should be since my flare-ups were getting worse. It was not too much longer until the opening, then things would get better.
It should be easy enough, I told myself. But even getting out of bed was pretty difficult actually.
Thankfully, Dominic had informed me he was going in to work early but Callihan would be waiting for me when I was ready. I didn’t want to bike to work, so I was happy to take an extra-warm and extra-long shower to help ease all the stiffness. Then, I tried to paste a smile on my face for the day.
I wasn’t expecting to walk out and freeze in the living room to stare at a few pictures Dominic must have hung while I’d been asleep. Some were of his family. Some were of his buildings. And a few were of me at the farmer’s market. One of us at the club dancing together. Just mixed in. Like I was a part of his life. Like it wasn’t a big deal at all.
I tried to tell myself the pictures weren’t a big deal, but I stared for far too long before going to work and trying to shake it from my mind. Instead, I mulled over why he’d hung them up while I tried to muscle through my tasks for the day, telling myself over and over I’d be fine.
Paloma waltzed in later and didn’t believe me for a second. “You’re sick. Go home.”
“I’m not.” I sighed and flexed my fingers before stirring some of the chocolate into her coffee like I knew she enjoyed.
She snatched it away and did it herself. “Be honest with me. Because you’re not honest about half the stuff going on with Dom and you.”
“What?” I whispered and she glared before pulling her phone out and reading me the header of a new article. “Heiress Moves in With Hardy Brother.”
“Well, that’s just not—”
“Clara, I’m sure someone’s told you before that you don’t lie well.”
I sighed and then slumped into the bar stool next to her. “Fine.” I practically face planted into the bar as I groaned. “I moved in with him. And it’s very stressful but my apartment has a mold problem and I’m dating him and it’s gotten very complicated.”
“No shit,” she grumbled as she patted my back. “So, go home to his mansion and take a sick day.”
“I’m not sick,” I admitted but I was so tired of keeping secrets. “I mean… I am. But I always am. Perpetually sick.”
“Explain.” She narrowed her dark eyes at me and tilted her head so that her bone-straight black hair fell away from her face a little.
How did you explain something you didn’t quite believe yet yourself? “So, I was diagnosed with lupus a while ago, and I know it’s not as serious as cancer or—”
“Wait, what?”
“What do you mean what?”
“Not as serious as…” She scoffed. “Who fed you that line of bullshit? This isn’t a competition about who hurts more, Clara.”
“No. I just mean, I don’t want to complain, and I don’t want someone to think I can’t function or anything, but I’m very tired—”
