Page 79 of Between Desire and Denial
I knew I wasn’t a ten in anyone’s book. I knew this whole grill out was going to feel like a damn high school reunion gone to shit, but I’d come and I’d been a part of it. I’d put on the best show I knew how and right then I realized it was still not good enough for me to be worthy to some. So, now, I wanted to leave. Yet, just as I turned the corner, I heard my name from Melly’s mouth.
“I did push her accidentally on purpose into the pool once. It was so long ago, though, and you know how teens are. I was a brat but turned out okay, right?” Her voice snaked out like a conniving purr, and I knew right then who she was talking to.
“Sure,” Dimitri said back to her. His tone was noncommittal, but I hated that he’d even agreed.
“So, please tell me it’s not that serious between you two. She just doesn’t really seem like your type.”
“Sheisn’tmy normal type,” he responded, and my heart cracked a little.
“I didn’t think so.” Could Melly sound more excited? “She’s cute, but I see you with someone a bit more, I don’t know, comfortable in their own skin, right?”
“In the past, it’s what I went for. She’s definitely different.”Differentdidn’t feel like such a good thing when he said it like that.
“I think at some point in our lives, we would have made a great match, Dimitri. And to think of all the stuff we could have done around here.” Her laugh was so soft and muffled, like she was right against him. “Maybe we still could, hmm?”
I hated that I thought the worst as the silence stretched. I didn’t even really give myself more time to think about it as I cleared my throat and walked into the room. Melly gasped loudly and jerked away from him with a smile on her face as she wiped away her red lipstick, and I glanced at his shirt to see a smudge at his neck.
“I’m leaving,” I whispered because it was all I could get out. And then I stalked off toward the patio doors, beelining for my purse, pants, and cover-up as fast as I could.
I heard him call after me, but I didn’t want to talk to him. It wasn’t that he owed me anything; we weren’treallytogether. It was that he was doing that with her, a woman who was well aware that we were supposedly together, yet she was maliciously trying to hurt me again. And he was allowing it.
I stormed out, ready to go grab my belongings. I didn’t get far at all though. Dimitri sped up to me, his eyes filled with worry as he raked his hands through his hair. I couldn’t tell if that look was because he was guilty or because he didn’t want me mad or to make a scene.
I couldn’t be for sure of anything, not when my heart cracked with betrayal.
I was going to cry. My life was an absolute disaster. I was spinning off in so many directions that I couldn’t keep any of them straight. That girl outside the bathroom with Esme was right.
And just as the first tear fell, Dimitri walked right up to me and said, “I’m carrying you to the enchanted woods, Honeybee. Don’t fight me.”
Then he scooped me up like a child and walked right down the glowing pathway. I don’t know if anyone looked or saw us, and I didn’t care.
I needed a moment while I crumbled. After that, I would deal with the fact that the man who was saving me from complete embarrassment in this moment was the man I hated because he’d caused it.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
DIMITRI
I wovethrough the woods Melly had in her backyard and passed two large bar areas, one that seemed to be offering cigars too. The grill outs were obviously a way for each of the neighbors to show off extravagance.
Not that I cared much about that anymore.
I was more concerned about the shimmer I saw in my girlfriend’s eyes as I carried her to a secluded area and plopped her down in front of me.
“You should have let me leave,” she murmured and wiped away at her eyes. “I just need a minute to collect myself.”
“I’d rather spend a minute with you collecting yourself than another second with the people at this party.”
She hiccuped out a laugh that sounded like it was mixed with a sob. “They never got to me before my mother passed, you know? I didn’t care if anyone made fun of me because I knew I could go home and tell her about them. I belonged there because she was there, you know? I didn’t have to belong anywhere else. Now, she’s gone and I’m not sure I belong anywhere. Especially not here.”
“If it helps, I think you belong here with me,” I told her because I couldn’t stand to have her thinking she didn’t have a place to ground herself. That place would be with me always.
She looked at me, her eyes shining bright in the moonlight, as she admitted quietly, “You know I’m starting to feel that way with you.”
Well, it was a start. “Good. And, even if you’re not with me, don’t you know you belong anywhere you decide to be, Honeybee? That you deserve a place just as much as anyone else?”
She sighed and then started pacing back and forth. “I think I just found my comfort with my mother and I locked it away when she passed. She’d provided me a safe space. I knew I could call her or ditch class to get home to her. I knew she’d tell me it was fine that I had, that I never should have to surround myself with people who aren’t worthy of my time. She was always there… until she wasn’t.”
I nodded and let her pace back and forth in the grass. “She sounded like she was a good mom.”
