Page 67 of Christmas with Brother's Best Friends
“I was thinking about it,” Emma admits, making guilt hit me like a train. Before I can apologize, she shakes her head. “But I was going to reject the offer at dinner tonight. I decided against it.”
Some of my guilt still lingers, but I can’t help the relief that washes over me. “What made you change your mind? You seemed pretty interested.”
Emma gives me a weak shrug. “I just don’t think now is a good time for me to leave New York City and go all the way to the other side of the country.”
Part of me wonders if she doesn’t want to leave because of us. Because of what we all share with each other. I’d like to think that at least.
“Getting attached to this place?” I reply as I gently bump my shoulder against hers.
Emma finally looks at me with a faint glimmer of amusement in her eyes. “You could say that.”
I start to smile, but the shine in her eyes fades away. Something dark keeps stealing their light. “If you’re not upset about the job offer, what’s bringing you down?”
“I just don’t know what to do with my life, Ryan. Nothing is going as planned, and every time I turn around, I’m hit with another curveball. I don’t even know which direction to go.”
The despair in her voice makes my chest grow tight. Protecting her is more than just wrapping my arms around her and shielding her from harm. How can I help her defend herself from her own mind?
I can’t even help my damn self sometimes.
“I’m sure your parents have given you some advice.”.
“Oh, yeah. They’ve made it clear that I should stay here and find something stable,” Emma replies. “I’ve told them that I’m looking for something long term and secure, but unless it gets me a W-2, it doesn’t count to them.”
I love her parents, who have treated me more like a son than my own parents, but they should back off her. All of their opinionswill just stress her out more, and she’s already tense enough to shatter into dozens of pieces.
“You’ll find the right opportunity,” I assure her. “You can always come to us for glowing recommendations.”
A grateful look crosses Emma’s face as she nods. “I’ve been hit up for a few small remote freelance opportunities. I might take up one of them just to have something to do until a better opportunity shows up.”
“That’s a good idea,” I reply. A little bit of normalcy and distraction shouldn’t hurt at all. “I could put out some feelers. See if anyone is looking for a graphic designer for a serious project.”
Emma gently pats my arm. “It’s fine. I can find something.”
Stubborn but determined. I can admire that, even if I wish she would just let me take care of her. I’d do it well.
Really well.
“Whatever you do, whether you go somewhere or stay here, I’ll support you no matter what,” I tell her as I gently place my hand over hers. “I should’ve told you that to start with.”
Emma’s expression softens. Her eyes stray to my lips for a moment that also feels like an eternity. The yearning in her gaze almost breaks me, but she looks away before I lose control.
It’s so easy to do that with her.
“I’m scared of messing up,” Emma admits. “Every big decision that I make going forward will shape the rest of my future. I feel like I’m eighteen again being forced to make these huge choices that impact my entire life. It’s terrifying.”
I wrap my fingers around her hand, drawing it to my lap to hold. “I know it might not seem like it, but most things are fixable, even if you really mess up. You can’t take back the past, but you can make a better decision to repair what’s broken.”
There are things that just can’t be fixed, though. I tried fixing the damage done to my relationship with my family, but they don’t see anything wrong with how they treat me. To them, there’s no damage to repair. No pain to heal.
I can’t fix that problem on my own, and as much as that stings and pains the inner child within me, I don’t feel as sad when I remember the family that I’ve built. Josh and Max. Ethan and Andrew. Emma.
They’re my family. I don’t want to lose any of them, but I know that I can’t fall for Emma and stay close with her brothers. They won’t accept that, which means I have to choose between the people that I care about.
Nowthatreally fucking hurts.
“I don’t want to upset anyone,” Emma says as she looks over at me, concern filling her eyes. “I don’t want anyone to hate me.”
I frown and squeeze her hand. “No one is going to hate you, Em. Nothing you could ever do would make me hate you.”
