Page 80 of Christmas with Brother's Best Friends
I pause in front of the cracked door for a second, picturing her sitting inside. Is she sad? Angry? Both?
I squeeze my hand into a fist, steadying myself before finally stepping into the conference room and shutting the door behind me.
Emma sits on the far side of the table from me, nervousness haunting her face. She offers me a hopeful smile. “I’m really glad you called, Ryan.”
I almost want her to be mad. I deserve to be yelled at for what I did to her. I don’t deserve the kindness that she’s showing me despite how much I worried her. How is she not furious?
I take a seat across from her, giving her some space in case she needs it. She must be a little hurt. “I shouldn’t have ran off that day. It wasn’t right of me to abandon you when you needed us.”
“You just needed some air,” Emma insists.
I shake my head. “It’s no excuse. I should’ve at least come right back.”
Emma chews on her bottom lip for a moment as she gazes at the table. “Why didn’t you come back? Why haven’t I heard from you for days?”
Because I’m a damn coward. That’s the bottom line, but she deserves more than that. She deserves so much more than what I’ve given her.
“I had to process things on my own,” I tell her as I rest my hands together on the table, fidgeting with my watch. “I haven’t really given it much thought of what being a dad would be like. Having a family wasn’t even really on my radar. I’ve been so focused on the pain that my own parents put me through.”
Emma’s face softens as she nods.
“I didn’t even really know what being a good dad meant. What that even looked like. I was scared that I would be just like my own dad and ruin our kid,” I say as my throat grows tight once more . “I panicked. I thought the baby would be better off being raised by you and the others. I thought I would just mess up and ruin everything.”
Emma shakes her head. “You wouldn’t.”
“You’re right. I won’t,” I tell her as our eyes lock. “I don’t care who the father is. The baby you’re carrying is mine too because you mean the world to me.”
Awe fills her eyes. Or maybe that’s tears.
“It took me this long to reach out because I wanted to be sure that I was ready for this,” I say. “This changes everything, and I’m going to be prepared. I won’t be like my dad.”
Emma smiles in relief and holds her hand out to me across the table.
I take hold of it and brush my thumb over her knuckles. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere again.”
Emma sniffles a little and nods before fanning her eyes with her free hand. “Stupid hormones.”
I crack a small grin. “Nah, you’ve always been a crier.”
Emma scoffs at me and swats my hand. “Liar.”
She knows that I’m not.
“There’s something that I want to talk to you guys about. Can you get the others?” Emma asks as her expression splits between seriousness and nervousness.
That makes me a little wary myself, but I nod and poke my head out of the room to call the guys over. By the time that I take my seat again, they enter the room and sit on either side of me.
“Everything okay?” Josh asks as he looks between us.
I nod to him. “Yeah, things are good.”
Max glances over at Emma, frowning a little at her anxious expression. “What is it, Em?”
Emma breathes in deeply before looking at the three of us, her eyes sweeping back and forth. “I’m really happy you guys are on board with raising the baby together, but… I don’t just want to be co-parents with you guys.”
My heartbeat speeds up a notch.
“I care about all of you—so much that it hurts when I try to imagine choosing between you. I can’t imagine raising a baby with you while pretending I don’t love you too. All of you. Not just sex or raising a child together,” Emma explains, her voice threatening to waver from nervousness. “I want a relationship, and I know that’s asking a lot. I feel selfish even saying this, but I don’t want to choose between the three of you. I can’t.”
