Page 30 of Deep Down
“It certainly smells it.” Craig grinned back, lifting his fork to dig in.
Darren sat heavily next to him, nudging his arm hard enough to knock the food from his cutlery. Craig laughed.
“Are you hungry?” he said, smiling at Darren.
Darren huffed, not saying a word, and started eating.
Craig returned to his food, frowning. He had no idea what Darren was upset about. They all chatted while they ate, Darren less than before. Craig talked more to make up for it, not wanting to be rude. After they’d eaten their fill, they sat nursing their cups for a while.
A hand slid across his shoulder and up into his hair, gripping tightly to the strands, ensuring Craig couldn’t move. He kept the smile on his face as Darren’s friends talked about something which had happened at work that day.
Craig felt Darren lean in and whisper in his ear, “We’re going for a bathroom break.” Craig couldn’t nod but didn’t refute anything.
“Excuse us, gentlemen. We will be back in a few moments,” Darren said when their story had finished, and he’d let go of Craig’s hair.
They left the booth and headed to the bathroom. Upon entering, Darren pointed to a stall and followed Craig in.
“What’s wro—” All the air was expelled from his lungs as a punch was delivered to his stomach, and his recently devoured food threatened to reappear.
Darren leaned close as Craig tried to recover. “Do you think I didn’t see you flirting with Nelson? What? Are you trying to get rid of me already? Trying to get a better model, is that it?” Craig shook his head and tried to speak, but Darren spoke over him. “You don’t realise how lucky you are to have me, do you?”
“I do! And I’m sorry! I wasn’t flirting. I thought you wanted me to speak with them!” Craig felt light-headed; tears were escaping from his eyes.
“I want you to keep your flirting to yourself. Stop showing me up and start acting like a boyfriend,” Darren spat.
“I will. I promise. I’m sorry.” If Darren had seen him do it, he must have been. It wasn’t a conscious decision.
“Clean your face. I’ll wait for you outside the bathroom.” Darren opened the cubicle door and exited, leaving Craig cradling his stomach, trying to stem the nausea and retain the air he needed.
He stumbled forward to the sink, bracing his hands on the edge while he checked his reflection. His face was blotchy, but nothing a cold flannel couldn’t reduce. He pulled some hand towels from the dispenser and wet them, resting them against his overheated skin. Once he was as natural as he could get, he exited the bathroom and trekked back to the booth.
The other guys nudged and catcalled Darren, insinuating what had happened in the bathroom was sexual in nature. Craig said nothing, eyes downcast as he slid back in. Darren picked up the conversation with his friends while Craig picked at his food. He answered questions when asked, but apart from those, he focused his attention on Darren, not his friends.
Craig’s eyes filled with tears as his brain evicted another memory that needed more digging through to find the meaning behind it. At the time, he knew he’d been in the wrong; he should never have flirted with Darren’s friends. But now, he wasn’t sure hehadbeen. His tears overflowed as he questioned every memory he’d ever had with Darren. He couldn’t reconcile the two sides of the same person. One was loving, caring and kind; the other was a bully and abuser. It didn’t make sense.
“You’re awake!” Craig cringed when Alex’s voice sailed through the silence, and he rolled his head to the opposite side. “What’s wrong?”
Craig closed his eyes, knowing he hadn’t fooled Alex one bit. He moved back, eyes leaking consistently. “I can’t figure it out.”
“Can’t figure what out?” Alex asked.
“How could I not know what Darren was doing? It doesn’t make sense!” Craig was frustrated because his brain wouldn’t let him connect the dots. It was throwing memories and information at him randomly, and he couldn’t sort through it all. Not enough to explain to Alex what the hell was wrong with him.
“You don’t need to figure it all out right now. And you don’t need to do it alone.”
“What do you mean?” Craig asked.
“There’s a psychologist who can speak to you and hopefully help you get your thoughts in order if you’d like to? But when you’re ready.”
Craig nodded. “Yes, please. I want to understand what’s happened and what is happening. Everything is confusing.”
Alex slid his hand into Craig’s and squeezed. “Everything will be fine. Everyone here is trying to help you, and they will do whatever is needed to do that. You’re not alone.”
Craig paused, more tears escaping. “I’m scared. But I have no idea why I’m scared. And that’s the worst part.” His throat felt thick.
Alex sighed. “I will make the psychology appointment as soon as I can. You can make a start on getting it clear. Don’t force it now. You’ll get yourself more worked up, and you need to relax.” Alex let go of his hand, and he felt the loss. “You need to rest. I know we’ve been poking and prodding at you all night, but you should be able to sleep for several hours now. I’ll let the nurses know I’ve checked you over and you pass inspection.” Alex grinned.
Craig sniffed and sighed. “Thank you.”
“No problem. Sleep. And when you wake, hopefully, I’ll have news about the appointment for you.”
Craig didn’t respond, his eyes too heavy. Sleep claimed him after he felt the fingers combing through his hair. He wasn’t scared. He knew it was Alex, and Alex was safe.
