Page 63 of Deep Down
Chapter 23
Alex
For the fifth week in a row, Alex sat at the window table, watching the streaks of orange, red and pink splash across the sky. With the nights drawing closer, Alex shivered with the understanding that snow and ice were not too far away, the chill of the season having already greeted the city.
He sat more upright when his gaze focused on the reflection in the window as someone walked to his table and slumped when they continued past.
Alex stared at the cup in his hand, shaking his head. He shouldn’t be here. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply, swallowing to try and remove the lump in his throat.
“What are you doing, Alex?” He raked his fingers through his hair and resting his forehead in his palm, the heaviness in his body, making him ache for his bed. Though why, he didn’t know. He couldn’t sleep when he got there anyway.
“Everything okay, Alex?”
He snapped open his eyes at Amanda’s warm voice. “Oh, hey. Yeah, all good. How are you?”
“I’m good, thanks.” She continued to stare at him, eyes narrowing. “Can I join you?”
Alex’s heart rate increased, and his palms sweat, despite the cold. “Sure.”
Amanda folded herself into the chair opposite, placing her mug in front of her and wrapping her hands around it. “I’m freezing. I thought a hot cup of tea might warm my bones.” She chuckled.
Alex smiled. “Yeah, I was hoping the same.” He hoped she didn’t catch his lie.
“You not working today?”
He stiffened in his seat, gaze shifting to the window. “What gave it away?”
She waved a hand in his direction. “I’ve not seen you wear jeans to work before. Granted, I’ve not seen you every day, but each Ihaveseen you, you’ve worn black trousers.”
“Remind me never to play an observation game with you.” Alex rested back with a sigh. He weighed up the pros and cons of explaining to Amanda. With her being a psychologist, he knew he may not like her thoughts on his behaviour.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. I was making small talk, which apparently was not at all small. Sorry. Occupational hazard.” She sipped her tea, humming as she swallowed.
“No, it’s fine. I feel stupid about it.”
“Well, I’m here if you want to talk, but you don’t have to.” Her gaze wandered to the window, and he saw her smile.
“I’ve been coming here, hoping Craig will start to join me again.” He held up his hands. “I know it’s stupid. He’s already told me he’s backing off. But…” He shook his head. “I want to be here in case he needs someone. If I wait here at our usual spot, he’ll know where to find me.” He gave a half-hearted snort. “I don’t know why I’m deluding myself.”
“It’s an amazing thing to do, Alex. And if Craig knew, he would appreciate it.” She hesitated. “He may never be ready for you, Alex. He has a bundle of things to work through. And although he has done brilliantly since it all happened, he still has a long way to go.”
“I know.” Alex exhaled roughly. “I want to make things easier for him.”
“Don’t we all. But would you prefer Craig to be whole or have the patches we’ve put on for him?”
Alex rested his elbows on the table, gripping his hair strands in his fists. She had a point, but it didn’t suspend his need to help Craig.
“Alex, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve been a friend to Craig, disregarding the fact you wanted more, you were his friend. Because that was what he needed. Now, as much as it’s not what you want to hear, he needs time to sort himself out. You have to decide whether you want to wait for a chance with him, or if you want to move on.”
Alex grimaced. “Fuck.”
“What?”
He glanced at her. “I, kind of, have, partially, moved on,” he explained.
Amanda’s eyebrows rose. “Oh? Good.”
“I was set up on a double date, and the guy I met was—is nice. We’ve been out a few times when I’ve been off work.”
