Page 64 of Deep Down
“Sounds wonderful, Alex. I’m happy for you.”
“I feel like an asshole now.”
“Why?”
“I’ve not told anyone I come here. No one. I guess I feel, I don’t know, guilty. Like I’m cheating. Like I’m with someone but thinking about someone else.”
Amanda didn’t say anything straight away, instead stared out the window. “I think you need to do what you think is right. As I’ve told you before, trust your instincts.” She held up a hand when he started to interrupt. “I know you said you can’t trust them because of what happened before. You need to relearn what they are saying to you. Consciously decide to follow what they say. It’s not easy, especially when you’ve been burned before. But you need to try; otherwise, you will forever be unable to make the choices that need to be made.”
Alex stayed quiet, letting what she said sink in.
“I have to get back. My door is always open, Alex. Take care of yourself.”
Alex watched Amanda walk away, his brain as confused as ever. Draining his brew, he stood, and after depositing the empty cup on the shelf unit by the exit, he trudged to the lifts before exiting the hospital. Tightening his coat around his neck, he pushed his hands into his pockets and traipsed home.
The date with Heath tonight should be entertaining. Heath was taking Alex bowling and for a late dinner. Alex hadn’t been bowling in years; he wasn’t sure if his thirty-five-year-old body could handle it, but it would be fun to try.
The last few weeks had been a whirlwind of dates. Every day Alex was off when Heath was off, they were doing something together. And they messaged constantly. It was bordering ontooperfect.
Alex found himself calling Casey to dissect each date after it had finished to figure out Heath’s flaws. Casey found it highly amusing.
“Why do you want to find his flaws?” Alex could tell Casey was trying to withhold his laughter.
“Because he seems too perfect, Casey. My luck has never been good. There has to be something wrong with him, even if it’s hidden underneath a load of bullshit perfection.”
Casey did laugh that time. “Does it matter?”
Alex paused, not ready to explain his reasoning when he didn’t understand it himself.
“Ah, you don’t trust people at face value anymore, do you? I forgot.”
Alex sighed. “Can you blame me?” he answered quietly.
“No. It’s a shame because your instincts are good, Alex. You have to believe in yourself again.”
Alex had scoffed. Yeah, he doubted he could trust himself any time soon. After what happened with Grayson, his relationship instincts were on his shit list as far as Alex was concerned. Despite what Amanda said, he’d try to figure some stuff out, but his instincts…nope.
****
Heath had offered to pick Alex up, but Alex had declined, saying he was going to walk, and agreed to meet Heath at the bowling alley. Alex had tried on several changes of clothes and mimed bowling to see whether he could move in them or not. Jeans were not easy to move in, so he’d ended up wearing trousers since he didn’t think the joggers would be appreciated.
Gazing around the foyer of the bowling alley, Alex drifted over to Heath as he spoke to someone at the reception desk.
“Hey, Alex. Glad you made it.” Heath leaned forward and kissed Alex’s cheek before returning to the assistant.
Alex surveyed the place. He didn’t remember them being this loud when he was younger. He was getting old.
“What size shoe are you, Alex?”
“Nine.”
They swapped out their own shoes for bowling shoes—Alex hadn’t forgotten how horribletheywere—and went over to the bar to order drinks before finding their lane.
“Are you going to whoop my ass?” Heath asked, the crinkles around his eyes evidence of his humour.
“Maybe. Maybe not.” Alex smirked, straining to find his fun side as he whirled around to find a ball he could lift. He needed to focus on being here with Heath, not being elsewhere in his brain.
“Right, you can go first.” Heath set up the screen, adding their names—as a matter of fact, he added Hot Vet and Hot Doc to the name column.
