Page 50 of Deep Down
Chapter 19
Alex
Alex scanned the corridors, absentmindedly, as he scurried along, visiting his patients. He peered at every face, checked everylopeand listened to every voice. Each time, disappointment flooded his system, his shoulders slumped, and he shook his head. After several weeks of not seeing Craig, some days because he had not been working, he would’ve thought he’d have forgotten about him. Nope.
Distracting himself, he dropped several files onto the nurses’ station desk and flipped through to find the one he needed before heading back down the corridor once more. He must walk miles in a day, he could get one of those fitness watches to find out exactly what his step count was. He rolled his eyes. Why he needed one of those, he had no idea.
Arriving at the door he required, he knocked, knowing the occupier was not with a patient because the “in session” slider was blank.
A voice called for him to enter, and he did, head peeking around the door first to ensure he wasn’t disturbing her.
“Dr Wick. What can I do for you today?” Amanda asked.
“Hey, Dr Bagworth. I have a patient I would like to discuss with you if you have time?” Alex knew Amanda counselled on a variety of subjects, some more specialised than others, and he needed to know if this was a patient she could take on.
They spent several minutes discussing the patients’ history and Alex’s concerns and observations. He was about to thank her and leave when she leaned forward and rested her arms on her knees, linking her fingers together.
“How areyou?”
Alex’s brow furrowed as he tried to understand any hidden undertones in her question. “I’m fine, thank you. Why do you ask?”
Amanda wrinkled her nose. “You look like someone kicked your puppy. Feel free to tell me to mind my own business—I’ve been known to poke my nose in when it’s not required—but I’m here to listen to colleagues if they need it as well as patients.” She canted her head.
“I’m…” He hesitated.
“You’ve told me about your feelings for Craig. Is that the reason?” Amanda sat back and crossed her legs, hands now linked on her lap, her elbow now resting on one arm of the chair.
Alex’s cheeks flushed with heat. “I’ve not been irresponsible. I’ve kept everything to myself. I met him a few times in the hospital restaurant, and we’ve spoken several times. It’s been…nice. But I’ve never pushed for more. Unfortunately, we keep getting interrupted by my work.” Alex snorted, shaking his head.
“It may not seem like it, but it is the best thing for Craig.” Amanda paused, gazing at him with narrowed eyes. “You need to trust your instincts, Alex.” She leaned forward again and rested her hand on his arm.
“But how can I trust my instincts when they have led me wrong many times before?” Alex stared at the file in his hands, his pulse rocketing.
“Were they genuinely your instincts? Or what you believed was the right thing to do?” she questioned.
Alex gazed to the other side of the room. “I don’t know.”
“You need to find the answer to that question before you’ll be able to trust yourself.” She leaned back again.
“It’s difficult. I was in a similar situation before.” Alex proceeded to explain what had happened with Grayson.
“Is that what you feel Craig is like?”
“No!” Alex vehemently denied Craig was anything like Grayson.
“Then why don’t you trust yourself?” Amanda stared at him, giving him time to think.
“What if I’m wrong?”
“Do you believe you are wrong?” she asked.
Alex paused. He recalled his interactions with Craig, shaking his head, not needing to go through them all. “No.”
“But you’re scared of getting hurt?”
Alex nodded slowly.
“You need to find yourself, as Craig does. Dig deep, Alex. Once you find the real you, your instincts will fire up and let you know the right path to follow.”
