Page 81 of Need Him
“Okay.” He sighed. “Who’s first on the list?”
“Andy Soloman, username andyplays231. Gareth answered his question on the blog last year, he tells me. He’s a ‘superfan.’”
Ben smiled. “Who else?”
“Damian Horsfall would like to meet Gareth.”
Gareth frowned. “I don’t recall a Damian.”
“His username is DemonBoy666.”
Gareth grinned. “Now that name I do remember. Sure, I’ll speak to him. Do you want to come with me?”
Ben shook his head. “You meet Damian. I’ll meet Andy, although I bet Andy would prefer to speak to you as you answered his question.” He chuckled.
“Behave,” Gareth said, pecking him on the lips.
Lindsay laughed. “Actually, he asked for you, Ben.”
Ben raised his eyebrows. “Oh, okay. Lead the way.”
Lindsay led them to where Damian waited, and Ben shook his hand before making his excuses to see Andy. When he was introduced to a blue-eyed, ginger-haired, muscular man, he’d masked his stereotypical response and inwardly cursed himself. Just because someone was tall and built like a rugby player didn’t mean they couldn’t be a boy.
“Andy, nice to meet you.”
Andy smiled and shook Ben’s hand. “Oh, I’m glad I got to meet you. DaddyG has, um, mentioned you many times in his blog, and, um, I’m in awe of you.”
Ben flushed, not used to so much praise that didn’t come from his Daddy. “Thank you. I’m glad the blog has been useful to you. I know Gareth answered your question last year. Did you figure things out?”
“Yes, and no. I, um, know I want to be a Middle because I’ve tried the younger age at a club near home, and it didn’t appeal to me.” Andy twisted his fingers together, and Ben could see he was nervous.
“Shall we grab a drink and find a seat, and we can chat?”
“Um, sure. Thanks.”
Ben led the way to the bar, ordered their drinks after Andy haltingly told him what he wanted and headed for a table furthest away from the speakers. It would be easier to talk. When they settled, Ben said, “How have you been, Andy?”
Andy took a sip of his drink through the straw, staring at the table, and it was all Ben could do not to pull the man into his arms and hold him. He seemed uncertain, almost scared. He didn’t push him. Ben sipped his own drink and let Andy gather his thoughts—or courage.
“I want to be like you,” Andy said in a rush.
Ben frowned. “A Middle?”
“Yes, but, um, you’re so confident. You can talk to people. Um, I get too nervous, and I struggle, um, to explain things. It makes, um, others misunderstand, and I don’t know, um, how to change that.”
All the while Andy was talking, his hands were twisting in his lap.
Ben crossed his legs and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. “I’ll let you in on a secret. I’m not as confident as I appear. Just ask Gareth. What you saw up there.” He pointed to the podium. “That’s all smoke and mirrors. Yes, I used to speak in front of people in a boardroom, but I didn’t enjoy it. I was always nervous. More now because this event means so much to us.” He rested his hand over Andy’s, stilling his movement. “To find your confidence, you have to find yourself. You have to know, unflinchingly, what it is you want and need. As soon as you know, that certainty comes across.” A thought crossed his mind. “I have to ask, but feel free to tell me to mind my own business, but have you always been this nervous, or did something happen to make you this way?”
Andy’s whole body froze, and Ben’s heart wept. He knew the answer before Andy even uttered a word.
“My first Daddy wasn’t the nicest,” he whispered, Ben barely able to hear him over the music.
“Oh, I’m sorry. As trite as it sounds, not all of them are like that.”
Andy nodded. “I know. That’s why I wanted to do this. I knew you wouldn’t let people like that in.”
“I can’t even begin to imagine what you might have been through.”
