Page 42 of Need Him
He picked up his phone and called the estate agent. “Good morning. I viewed a property yesterday. I would like to take on the lease, please.”
After several minutes of confirming his details and arranging to visit to sign the tenancy agreement, Ben put his phone down, smiling. He would be in his own place by the end of the following week if everything went according to plan. Earlier if he could manage it. He considered calling Gareth to tell him what he’d done, but he chose to surprise him that evening. At least he would be able to see him when Ben finished work because Gareth didn’t work on Saturdays.
He chewed his lip. That wouldn’t always be the case, though, would it? When Ben would finish work, Gareth would already have started during the week. When would they get to see each other?
Squirming on the chair had him remembering what they’d done that morning. Gareth had been completely right about Ben’s ass smarting every time he moved. The pleasant warming hum he felt kept his mood from plummeting in the direction of his thoughts. He needed to trust in their relationship. Trust in Gareth. Trust that they would be able to work everything out. He had to fight to keep that trust, but he would try his hardest because his Daddy was the first person to have his back.
Ben slumped in his chair and stared across the room. Was that true? Was Gareth the first person? Images of Lindsay, Ruby, Jane, Felix and other members of staff who saw, spoke and worked with him on a regular basis came to him. Did he have more people around him than he thought? Washethe ogre in this scenario?
His brain didn’t want to quit with the soul searching, but he couldn’t create coherent answers when everything was vying for his attention.
His phone rang, startling him from his musings. He smiled at Gareth’s name.
“Hello.”
“Hi, Ben. How are you doing?” Gareth said, and Ben could hear the smile in his voice.
He opened his mouth to say he was fine but paused, wanting to give his Daddy a proper answer, not his rote reply. “I have a lot going through my head at the moment.”
“That’s understandable. Is it anything I can help with?”
Again, he paused, his usual independent answer frozen on his tongue. “Maybe.”
Gareth didn’t press. He stayed quiet, giving Ben the time to work through what he wanted to say. “I was thinking about how you were the first person to have my back, but I started thinking about the people who were already around me that I hardly acknowledge. Like Lindsay. She’s here for me every single weekday without fail, and I hardly give her any praise or encouragement. She must hate me.”
“I doubt she hates you, Ben. She wouldn’t be working for you if she hated you, I’m sure.”
“But I’m not the easiest person to work for.”
“No, but you’re aware of that, and that’s the first step in changing how you behave towards other people.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you know you can be grumpy and short with people—I’ve told you this—and you can figure out the triggers for that. My guess is stress and the fact you don’t like the job.”
Ben opened his mouth to argue, but he couldn’t. “I don’t, but I like how it challenges me.” He rested his head back against his chair and closed his eyes, pressing the phone closer to his ear as if it would bring Gareth closer.
“Is that a recent realisation?”
Ben hummed. “Yes. Literally, just now.” He chuckled. “I always thought I’d been forced into this position, and maybe I was, but subconsciously, I must have known I would like it, which was why I didn’t fight it.”
“I don’t know if you would’ve fought it anyway, but I understand what you’re saying. I’m glad you realise you like the challenge. Maybe we could find something that challenges you somewhere else. Somewhere you would enjoy.”
“That’s an idea.”
“Can I make one recommendation, though?”
Ben smiled, swaying his chair back and forth, and for once, he was able to ignore the squeak. “Of course. Always.”
“Don’t try to change too many things at once. You already have a new relationship, possibly a new apartment soon. You need to find your centre from where you are now.”
“I know. I want to change everything now, but I know it’s not a good idea. I do have some news.” He decided to tell him now.
“What’s that?”
“I’ve signed up for the apartment.”
Gareth chuckled. “That’s great news. I’m proud of you, Ben.”
