Page 46 of Need Him
When the last of the food was cooking, he grabbed two lap trays and set a plate and some cutlery on each. He filled two glasses with lemonade and put them on there as well. He dished up the food, making sure Ben had plenty to eat. Once he was satisfied, he carried both trays—one in each hand, a trick he’d learnt one year as a waiter—to the living room and found Ben sitting on the window seat, staring out into the sunny day while the TV played.
Quietly, he set the trays on the coffee table and stepped closer. Not wanting to startle him, Gareth cleared his throat softly. Ben peered over his shoulder and smiled, tight though it was.
“Everything okay?” Gareth asked.
Ben nodded. “Yes.”
Gareth sat opposite him, studying the truth of the words on Ben’s face. He reached for the hands that were resting in Ben’s lap but were clenched tightly into fists. “Are you sure?” he asked, rubbing his thumb over Ben’s skin.
“I said I’m fine.” Ben pulled his hands away and stood, pacing to the sofa and sitting down again. “Thank you for lunch.”
Gareth let him get away with the denial, but he wouldn’t let the defiance stand. “Remember who you’re talking to, Ben,” he murmured as he joined him on the sofa.
He settled the tray on his lap and dug into the food, entirely aware of Ben’s sharp, silent movements beside him. Ben needed time to decompress, and Gareth was more than willing to give it to him, but he wouldn’t tolerate disrespect, even when Gareth knew it was coming from Ben’s sense of being thrown into a scenario he hadn’t expected. Everything had changed in such a small amount of time, and Ben hadn’t caught his breath. That was the only reason Gareth was giving him a breather, although the reminders were necessary to make sure Ben didn’t overstep completely.
“Well done,” he said when Ben had finished. “Would you like ice cream for pudding?”
Ben sighed. “I’m not five years old, you know. You don’t have to handle me with kid gloves.” He set the tray on the coffee table, and Gareth was pleased to see he did it carefully and didn’t slam it down.
“I know you’re not, but everyone likes ice cream. What’s your favourite flavour?”
Ben slumped back, but his gaze was on the window again. Gareth didn’t press, but eventually, Ben said, “Chunky Monkey.”
Gareth grinned. “Aren’t you sweet enough?” He chuckled at Ben’s glare. “I like chocolate, but if you throw in a few chopped nuts, it’s even better.” He stood, holding his tray. “Come on. Time to clean up, and we can have a treat.”
He didn’t wait to see if Ben would follow him but instead went straight for the kitchen and began filling the sink with warm, soapy water. Household chores were something he would always insist on, no matter whether Ben stayed with him for a day or several months. He put the plates and cups into the sink to soak while he gathered all the pans he’d used for making lunch within easy reach.
Ben waited by the sink, tray in his hands, when Gareth turned back. “Thank you.” He took the tray. “Can you wipe down the counters for me and help dry, please?”
Ben hovered as if he was going to say something but took the cloth and set about cleaning the counters. Gareth hid his smile and started washing the plates, settling them in the draining rack for when Ben was ready. He could feel the tension in the other man and knew it wouldn’t be long before he blew. Gareth had been expecting it. He had seen how Ben reacted to things in the past and had a good idea of how he would deal with the fact that he was officially out from under his parents’ thumb for the first time in his life. If Gareth wasn’t mistaken, Ben would push and push to see what he could get away with. Not just with Gareth, but with other things, too, but Gareth needed to make sure he didn’t push too far. Although Ben didn’t like his job, he didn’t need to be fired for unacceptable behaviour.
Gareth continued the washing, pointing out the tea towel when Ben joined him. They worked in silence for a few minutes before Gareth started talking.
“Mindless, everyday tasks are great for working through your thoughts. You don’t have to think about what you’re doing because your body has muscle memory to get through the tasks. It gives you time to think about what’s happened during the day.” He put another dish on the draining board. “Take me, for instance. I’m standing here, washing these dishes, but my thoughts aren’t on what I’m doing. They’re reliving the events of the day so far. They’re reliving how proud I was and am to see you stand up to those who beat you down. How your actions at your parents’ house made me realise exactly how perfect you are for me.”
Ben scoffed. “Yeah, perfectly weak and humiliated.”
Gareth didn’t reply to those words. “The images I recount are of a man standing tall while his mother tried to bend him to her will. A man choosing to live his own life instead of a life chosen by his parents. A man learning to live as the person he is, not what others think he should be.”
“Easier said than done.” Ben sighed.
“Choosing to change your entire life is like going through a grieving process. You’re grieving what you believe you’ve lost, angry at those who stopped you from being who you want to be. You’ll be angry at me for making you choose to upheave your life. You’ll be angry at those you work with because they didn’t see what you hid from them. But mostly, you’ll be angry at yourself because you stood by and let it happen.”
Gareth stopped there because he knew everything would be overwhelming for Ben. He finished the dishes in silence. Once he’d dried his hands, he left Ben to dry up and headed for the freezer, taking out the Chunky Monkey he just happened to have, thanks to it being Victor’s favourite, too. Grabbing two bowls, he dished up the servings and put everything else away. He carried them out of the kitchen, calling over his shoulder, “When you’ve finished drying, your ice cream is waiting for you. As am I.”
He settled on the sofa, crossing his legs at the ankles, though he didn’t start eating. The TV’s volume was low enough that he could hear Ben’s movements. At least until it went quiet. It took everything in him to stay where he was and wait. Ben’s response to Gareth’s words would help Gareth learn more about him. As much as Gareth wanted to swaddle him in blankets and keep him safe from the world, it wasn’t the best course of action for someone learning to stand on their own two feet. Yes, Gareth would be there every step of the way if Ben allowed him to be, but Ben needed to decide for himself.
The Chunky Monkey was halfway to melting by the time Ben appeared. He sank into the seat beside Gareth—as close as he could possibly get—and dropped his head to Gareth’s shoulder. Gareth pressed a kiss to his head and rested a hand on Ben’s thigh, giving it a squeeze.
“I hated you seeing me like that. So weak. It’s humiliating.” Ben exhaled, the heat wafting across Gareth’s chest and through his shirt. “I hate feeling unsure like I don’t know what I should be doing. Being a manager might not be my dream job, but I know what’s expected of me. This—us—I love the idea of it, but I don’t know what to expect, and it’s making me nervous.”
Gareth lifted his arm and slid it around Ben’s shoulders, holding him closer. “Thank you for telling me that. First, you don’t need to feel humiliated because all I saw there was a man who stood his ground. A strong man defending his right to choose for himself. As for feeling unsure, I’m here to support you. We can make up the rules ourselves. There is no right or wrong answer to how we live our lives. My job is to give you structure to make you feel secure. If I haven’t done that yet, I’m sorry. That’s part of my job as your Daddy.” He sighed. “Okay, we’re going to eat ice cream while we finish watching…whatever this is,” He waved towards the TV, “and then we’re going to bed. Once we’re snuggled under the covers, we will talk. Properly.”
“But it’s the middle of the afternoon.”
“Doesn’t matter. I have to work later, and I want to spend the rest of today with you.”
Eating one-handed was a novel experience, but Gareth made it work because he didn’t want to take his arm from around Ben. He was upset with himself because he thought he’d done everything right, but if Ben was feeling uncertain, Gareth hadn’t done his job properly. He was supposed to be a support network for him, and he’d obviously failed so far. It was time to change things up.
