Page 36 of The Magic of Betrayal
Dinner was great. I'd eaten my weight in salad, breadsticks, and baked spaghetti, and Cam had devoured his chicken parmesan. We were both slightly groaning as we walked out of the restaurant, my body tucked close to his. We still hadn't had a deep discussion about what had happened last night, but I knew it was coming and my face heated with shame when I thought of how I'd lost my temper and slapped him, how I was lying to them all about Bryce and his threats.
The look on his face, or rather, the lack of expression damn near killed me. I'd ran back inside and gone straight upstairs, stripping out of my clothing and putting on my nightgown, slipping into bed with tears running down my cheeks. When Fischer and Kai slid into bed and held me, I really lost my shit. Ugly crying. Like, the absolute ugliest, big sobs, nose blowing, rapid breathing... the whole nine yards. And they'd just held me close, soothed me, while Fischer ran his fingers through my hair and Kai purred against my neck.
I must've passed out because next thing I knew, it was morning, and my face felt sore and raw from the tears and wiping them away. Fish and Kai were still in bed and I just snuggled in closer to Fischer, having missed him a lot lately. I needed some one on one time with him, soon. Sloane had either slept in the guest room, or the couch in the living room. He usually stayed when everyone else did, and I appreciated that Sloane had actually made an effort not to be upset with me. They’d come over to see me and I was late, and then turned into a soggy noodle. What a night of fun. Cam interrupted my thoughts and brought my focus back to him.
"Where are we going now?" I asked Cam as he led me away from the bike and down the street.
"Thought we'd just walk off some of those carbs and maybe head down to the lake for a bit? It's so nice out, we might as well take advantage." He leaned down and pressed a kiss to my head, our feet still moving in the direction of Peridot Park.
"Sounds great," I agreed, and it really did. The lake was so relaxing to be around, the water calling to me almost as much as plants did.
We walked in companionable silence until we found the perfect spot to sit. Underneath a beautiful cluster of giant weeping willows, not too close to the water, but the view was still incredible. Plus the long branches gave the illusion of privacy, and this was going to be an intimate discussion, I could already tell by how nervous Cam was getting.
"This work, baby?" Cam motioned to a lush spot that was flat and cushioned with springy green grass.
"Perfect. Do you have a blanket in your backpack?" He nodded, slipping the bag from his shoulders and pulling one out. We spread it out together and collapsed on top of it, lying on our backs and staring up at the trees.
The urge to use my magic was strong, being out in nature like this always brought it to the forefront of my psyche, but I wasn't using any of my magic these days, not until we figured out what the hell was going on.
"What are you thinking about?" Cam asked, taking my hand and pulling me closer to him so I was resting my cheek on his chest.
"Just that I wished I could use my magic. It's getting antsy at being locked down."
"I bet. I'm sorry you're going through all of this shit. You don't deserve it." His hand trailed up and down my back, his fingertips tracing the line of my hip and then back up.
"Nobody deserves this shit. I mean, I went from a normal girl next door kind of life to... whatever all this is. Doesn't happen every day, thank the stars," I laughed.
"I love that you find the good side of everything, you're always so positive. Does that ever get exhausting?" he asked me, and I pondered his question for a moment before answering.
"No, I mean, not really,” I tried to explain. “It's just part of my personality. Why get bent out of shape over things you can't control? Things could always be worse, so I try to see the good things in every situation. It's definitely not always easy to do, and it doesn't always happen either. But it helps me stay in the moment and be thankful for what I do have." I wasn’t sure I was explaining it correctly, but I felt him nodding in understanding.
“That's a good outlook to have, I should start taking notes,” Cam responded as his fingers played with one of my braids.
We laid there together and I reveled in all of his gentle touches and the steady pounding of his heartbeat beneath my ear.
“Saige, listen. I am so sorry for my behavior last night. I was worried and I acted irrationally. I’m still upset, but I need to explain to you why. It’s not easy for me to share, and I hope that you’ll hear me out.” His heartbeat sped up as he talked, and I was thankful he wanted to open up to me enough to tell me more about himself.
We sat up, facing the water. I pressed myself against his side and firmly grasped his hand; I wanted him to know that I was supportive. If it was easier for him to not have to look at me while he explained, then I would just hold his hand and hope that he could feel that I was someone he could trust with his secrets.
He sighed, “First, I want to talk about what happened yesterday. I’m sure you now know that Johnny is a co-worker of ours and he’s safe to be around, but you didn’t know that when you were alone with him in The Pig, and you didn’t know that when you accepted a ride from him. What if he had been working with the demons or if he was just a bad dude?”
“I know, I’ve just had a rough couple of weeks and I wasn’t thinking like that. Emerald Lakes has always been such a safe place for me, and it’s hard to just throw everything I’ve ever known out the window like that.” I snapped my fingers for emphasis.
“But you have to start doing that, Saige. We don’t know enough about all the strange occurrences going on to not be at the top of our game here. Careless decisions are dangerous decisions, and I’m not willing to let you get hurt anymore. Do you have anything you want to say?" he asked softly, his thumb rubbing over my hand.
"I don't like being talked down to, Cam. You made me feel like I couldn't be trusted to make my own choices, and I think it triggered me a little bit due to what I went through in my last relationship." His face snapped over to look at me and I cut him off before he could speak, "No, I know you're nothing like him, trust me. But he was very controlling and condescending. Yesterday, I felt like you didn't want to hear what I had to say, the only thing that was important in the moment was making sure you let me know how badly I'd fucked up. And then I did the unforgivable and slapped you. I'm so ashamed of myself, and I hope that you'll forgive me for it because I know I won't be able to forgi—" My words were cut off when Cam cupped my cheek and turned my face toward his, leaning down, he gently pressed his lips to mine.
"I was a fool, baby girl. You're already forgiven, I don't want you beating yourself up over it anymore." He pressed his forehead against mine and I closed my eyes, after a few moments he pulled back and focused on the lake again.
"You mentioned being triggered by my reaction yesterday and I think that's a good way to explain why I reacted the way that I did. But in order to fully understand why, I have to tell you a story. And it's not a good one..." He trailed off, swallowing roughly like he was trying to loosen his throat up to speak the words he needed to.
"You can tell me anything, Cam. I'm here for you, okay?" I encouraged him and after a moment, he started talking. I didn't interrupt because it was like he was reliving the story. The way emotion skated over his face and his eyes kind of glassed over… whatever he was about to tell me, it was going to be difficult for him to do so.
"It's not really a secret that I'm not the greatest with words and relationships, but for you, I am going to try hard to change that. I really want this to work, little witch. When I was fifteen years old, my moms, yeah, I had two moms," he chuckled, "and they were everything to me. Loving, understanding, I loved them with all my heart. My ten year old brother, Hunter, and I had been conceived by the same sperm donor, but our mothers took turns carrying us. Mama B was my biological mom, and she was the strong silent type, it's not hard to see now where I might get that from. Mom was more of an extrovert, life of the party kind of woman, and that's exactly how Hunter was, too."
Cam took a shaky breath and I leaned my head against his shoulder in silent support. My heart was already clenching at the way he'd used past tense words in his descriptions of his family. I already knew where this was headed, and while I was excited to hear more about the man beside me, I felt really bad for him.
"Every year since my brother and I had been born, we'd go on a vacation to The Meridian Deep mountains and we always rented the same cabin every year. We'd stay for a week or two, and it was the highlight of our year. It took us about five hours to drive there, and we'd eat gummy worms, play Game Boy, and read comic books on the way. My brother was a few years younger than me, he'd be twenty five this year... anyway, we'd been at the cabin for about a week.
