Page 99 of The Magic of Revenge
Our sexual relationship had been built on our needs. My need to dominate, to feel in complete control, and his need to feel absolutely nothing. Sure, he felt the sex and enjoyed it, but it was the subspace he chased. That disconnect from his body, the safe place I provided him with where he could just exist. Now that there was a chance I’d never again get to experience that with him… It felt like my chest was cracked and I couldn’t get a deep breath, but I had hope now. Hope that maybe we could fix this between us.
Gods, he’d been livid before I left the house. When I ran upstairs to take a quick shower, I found him standing in the bathroom, waiting.
“Don’t do this,” he said as his eyes glittered with fury. He was pissed.
I sighed, turning and placing my towel and clean clothes on the counter. “I have to.”
A grunt whooshed out when he fucking sucker punched me in the kidney. “What the fuck?” I growled.
Fish stuck a finger in my chest. “You don’t get to do this. It’s a bad idea. You’re being a stubborn asshole! Your dad is dead, Sloane. Let it go.”
“Let. It. Go?” I snarled, immediately feeling defensive.
“Yes. Fuck. Just let Bram or Khol jump you there and get it over with. Now is not the time to be splitting up like this. It’s fucking stupid.”
I closed my eyes and willed my heart to settle down. It was pounding so hard, I bet Kai could hear it in the other room.
“This is something I have to do. I don’t expect you to understand.”
His hands clenched as he stared me down. “You don’t expect me to understand? Do you hear yourself right now?” He shook his head and ran a hand through those curls that I missed so much. “You’re an ass. Don’t you see I’m the one person in this entire fucking house that understands you? I know why you’re doing this. You think it’ll heal you, that you’ll be free after this. Eight hours and that’s it, right? Right?” His voice rose as he shoved me and I stepped back, my nostrils flaring at his blatant attempt to rouse my temper.
“It won’t work. That’s not how life works! Everyone gets dealt shitty hands and all we can do is bluff our way through life or say fuck it and push all our chips in and let the cards fall where they may because regardless of the outcome, you get the cards you get in life. You can’t change that.” His chest heaved and we were mere inches apart now. This was the strongest emotion we’d shown each other since everything went to shit.
“I’m not doing this to hurt you, Fischer,” I told him as I stared into his eyes.
“Fuck you. If you cared about me, about us, you wouldn’t do this alone,” he said harshly before turning his back and moving for the door.Yeah, fuck that. My fingers wrapped around his bicep and I whirled him around, spinning us and pressing him against the wall. My hand came up and circled his neck in the way I knew he used to love.
“Listen to me, and listen well. The only reason I’m doing this is because I care. I can’t be who I need to be until this is done. I betrayed you, and I’m fucking sorry. I wish I could take it back but I can’t. I can’t take it back. But you… You fucking died, Fischer. I had to say goodbye to you, knowing it would be the last time. I’ve never felt more alive and dead at the same fucking moment than I did when I promised I’d follow you to the afterlife.” My voice was a low rumble, the steady beat of his pulse beneath my fingers.
“I died for you, for them! And I’d do it aga—”
His words were cut off when I smashed my lips against his. I needed a distraction, otherwise, I’d end up yanking his pants down and punishing his ass for uttering those words. Our tongues met like no time had passed at all, remembering exactly the way they danced together.
Fish groaned and I greedily swallowed the sounds. His arm wrapped around my neck as he pulled me closer and despite my exhaustion, I was once again hard as steel. But this couldn’t happen right now so I reluctantly broke our kiss and pressed our foreheads together.
“I love you, Fischer,” I said softly and he stilled. “I’ve loved you my whole damn life. I’m sorry it took me so long to wake the fuck up. I’m going to be the man you deserve, the man she deserves. I promise,” I vowed. He didn’t respond for what felt like hours and I had started to accept the rejection when he cupped my cheek.
“I love you, Sloane. I’ve loved you my whole damn life,” he repeated my words back to me and my eyes prickled with emotion. “But you still have some waking up to do if you honestly believe you aren’t a good man or that you don’t deserve love. Because you do,” Fish said with all the conviction in the world.
“I’m working on it. I promise,” I told him, dropping a chaste kiss to his red, puffy lips.
“We’ll talk when you get back. Please, be careful,” he said, slipping from my arms and closing the door with a soft click.
He loved me. I was really feeling like a lucky son of a bitch, but I wasn’t deluded enough to feel confident that it wouldn’t crumble like a house of cards if I fucked up again.
I had about forty minutes left in my drive but needed to piss like a racehorse. My stomach was also beginning to growl and remind me it had been a while since I'd eaten anything. The prison was secluded and surrounded by hundreds of acres of dense forest, so when I spotted a gas station that looked more like a shack, I figured it was probably my last chance to stop before I arrived.
The building itself was no bigger than Red's kitchen, the weathered wooden boards barely seeming to hold the weight of the roof. Right. This would be quick. I grabbed an energy drink, a Slim Jim, and a bag of potato chips. Not the healthiest combination, but it would work.
I dropped the stuff on the counter and a guy who looked about my age started ringing up my shit.
"Not from around here, huh?" he asked, making small talk.
"Nope," I replied, not a fan of meaningless conversation. Maybe that made me a dick. I did study him though and it was probably judgmental, but the guy couldn't have looked more out of place. His hands were clean, despite the counter being covered in a layer of dust. The clothes he wore were also spotless.
"Right. That'll be $6.89," he told me and I handed over the money.
"Do you have a restroom?" I asked. The need to go was increasing by the second now that I was out of the car.
