Page 74 of The Magic of Eternity
“Do you want to bring them outside for a bit this afternoon? We can sit on the patio and soak up the late summer sun?”
“Oh.” My fingers absentmindedly trailed over the intricate patterns on Salem’s blanket. Bram had knitted two of the softest and prettiest baby blankets I’d ever seen. Who knew my demon could create something so delicate? Helia’s blanket was a combination of greens and soft creamy whites, while Salem’s was more deep purples and soft blues. I wasn’t sure how he’d done it, but the border of each blanket was a mixture of flowers and leaves. In the middle of each, he’d woven an intricate circle using the colors of our individual magics. I’d bawled like a baby when he’d got them out a few days after the girls were born. Come to think of it, I’d been doing that more often than not lately. Crying over everything.
Glancing up at Gran, I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I mean, it looks pretty hot outside.”
“Okay. Why don’t you let a couple of the guys take over for you for an hour and you can join me then?” Gran asked, but I shook my head.
“They might need me. Plus, I’m feeling pretty tired, Gran. I think I’ll just take a nap now, if that’s okay?” My eyes were burning with tears for some reason. I couldn’t look at her. If I did, the tears would fall and that was the last thing I needed. Gods, it pissed me off that I even felt like crying at such a happy time.
“Saige,” she whispered, her voice cracking.
I forced the lump in my throat down. “Yeah?”
“Talk to me, child. Everyone’s worried. What’s going on in your head?”
Ugh. The last thing I wanted to do was talk. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Even if I wanted to, where would I even start? It would be fine—I’d get through this and everything would go back to normal.
“Why would everyone be worried? That’s ridiculous.”
Gran sighed. “You really want to play this like that?” I didn’t respond. “Hm, well, let’s see. It’s been sixteen days since the girls were born, and you haven’t left this room. Not once. It was relayed to me that you’ve taken three showers during that time, and during all three, you had to have someone holding the babies in the bathroom so you could see them. You’re not sleeping. The last time anyone else held one of them was three days ago, Saige. Three. Days.”
I reared back as though she’d slapped me. “That’s absurd. It hasn’t been three days. Cam was holding Helia last night!”
Gran smiled sadly. “No, child. That was three nights ago. You’re losing track of time due to exhaustion, and I think you should speak with Balor about getting some help.”
“Help? To sleep?” I was getting irritated. A tiny part of me knew I was being irrational, but there was no stopping the swirling anger, causing me to be defensive.
“If that’s what you feel would be helpful. I certainly think it would be a start. I’m worried about you,” Gran said softly, her voice strained as she rubbed her hands together.
I shook my head. “You don’t need to be. My body is completely healed now. I’m just adjusting to this crazy schedule.”
Gran stared at me, searching for something. “Okay, honey. Well, since the girls are asleep now, how about a nice warm bath? You can soak and relax. I’ll sit here and look after them while they sleep.”
My heart began racing. Why was that happening? “What if they need me?”
Gran took my hand in hers. “They will always need you, child. You’re their mother. But you have needs also. Taking a bath and letting their great-grandma watch their pretty sleeping faces for half an hour doesn’t mean you’re not being a good mom. Trust me, you’ll feel better after a nice hot bath.”
In theory, it did sound nice. Maybe just a quick one. Like ten minutes. And I could keep the bathroom door open so I’d hear if they needed me.
“Okay,” I sighed. “I’ll go take a bath.” Gran smiled widely as she stood, and I passed Salem over to her. Shimmying across the bed, I placed Helia carefully down in the middle, making sure there were no pillows or blankets anywhere near her face. “Helia usually only sleeps for short spurts and then she’s up and demanding to eat. Oh, and Salem has to keep these little mitten things on her hands because she flails around and—”
“I got it, Saige. Leave me to enjoy my grandma time. It’s been quite a while since I’ve been around any precious babies.” She was speaking to me, but her entire focus was on Salem’s perfect face. Gran sat on the bed and stuffed the nursing pillow around her waist to help gently cradle my sweet girl. She wasn’t paying attention to me at all.
I slowly dug out a fresh nightgown and nursing bra. Kai had bought me seven of them and spent a small fortune. They were really comfortable though, and I remembered how I’d cried like a baby when he gave me the shopping bag full of bras, tanks, and even a couple of nursing nightgowns.
Glancing over, I saw Gran’s lips moving as she talked softly to my daughter. The tears in her eyes glistened as the afternoon sun moved through the clouds and broke through the windows of my room. My throat felt as though I’d swallowed a ball and my chest felt too tight, but I didn’t want to worry Gran. I forced myself to the bathroom and left the door cracked as I ran the water.
Slowly, as though my limbs weighed a hundred pounds each, I stripped out of my clothes and caught my reflection in the mirror.Oh my gods.Dark, nearly black circles ringed my eyes. My hair was wild. Beyond wild. Completely unkempt, greasy, and tangled. I felt something run down my stomach.
“Oh lovely,” I muttered, realizing that I’d started leaking. My stomach was so soft and squishy, it could’ve been mistaken for a stress ball. I looked nothing like myself. I felt nothing like myself, either.
I turned from the offensive mirror, feeling hollow and numb. Sighing, I stepped into the bath. A groan slipped free as I slid down, leaving only my head and knees exposed. The warmth surrounded me like a blanket, and I had to admit it felt damn nice. My shoulders and neck were starting to take a beating with the awkward positions of holding the girls and feeding them. Breastfeeding was practically an Olympic sport.
My eyes drifted shut and I focused on my breathing. In and out. Nice and slow. I’d wash my hair in a few minutes.
Jerking, I flung water out of the bath and all over Kai, who was kneeling beside the tub, looking at me with concern. “Sorry,” I mumbled. “Didn’t mean to get you wet. I must’ve dozed off.” The water was cold.
The babies.
