Page 76 of The Magic of Eternity
“It feels like I’m swimming in a sea of sadness without a life jacket. Like, I’m trying very hard to stay above water… but sometimes it would be easier to stop kicking because I’m just so tired. But I’m scared to sink.”
Slowly, Kai began brushing my hair with a wide tooth comb, working the conditioner through that was still in there. “You might feel like you need to sink or swim. That’s black or white thinking. You’re forgetting you have a third option.”
I looked back at my shifter, confused. “What do you mean?”
Kai leaned in and wiped my wet cheek, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “Float. There’s nothing wrong with biding your time and resting. Just float for a while, Cub. You can do this for yourself—you’re strong enough, you’re capable. You don’t always have to, though. Some days, everything will feel like it’s too much. But if your head ever dips below the surface, I will drag you back up. We all will. We’re your damn life jackets.”
My chin trembled as Kai trailed his thumb across my mouth. “Alpha.” It was a whimper, a cry, a plea. Leaning back against his chest, I pulled his mouth to mine. His kisses were sweet, just like him. “Thank you,” I mumbled against his lips.
“Let me finish brushing your hair. I need to take care of your needs right now or Bagheera is going to riot,” Kai said with a wink. I looked away, giving him full access to my hair again, sniffling and wiping my eyes.
“K is right. You’re not alone, and I know it doesn’t matter what I say,” Cam started, and I lifted my eyes to his. They were bloodshot and wet from emotion. “Your hormones are a huge factor in this, too.” He shook his head, coming to terms with something as he exhaled deeply. “I’m done letting you struggle alone. There’s no need, little witch. I gave you space because I thought that’s what you needed. I was wrong, and I’m sorry.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but he lifted a hand, making me pause.
“You’ve trusted me to get us this far, and I need you to trust me now to take care of you. Do you?” he demanded, his face serious as ever.
“Of course I do,” I replied, dropping my head. His hand lifted my chin, bringing my eyes back to his.
“Good. Then here’s what we’re going to do. Kai is going to finish combing and washing your hair, then he’s going to slather you in that cocoa butter youthinkyou need for your stretch marks.” He rolled his eyes playfully but the look in his eyes dared me to challenge him on it. I didn’t, and he leaned in close to my ear. “You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever laid eyes on, baby girl.” My breath hitched as he pulled away and continued laying out his plans. “You’ll put on fresh clothes and brush your teeth.”
Hmm. That sounded nice in theory, but it also sounded exhausting. Like everything lately. “Then what?”
Cam held my face between his massive hands, his thumbs stroking my cheekbones. The love between us enveloped me, our connection reminding me how much I loved this man. Before he got the chance to respond, Kai swiped my hair off of my neck and placed a soft kiss there.
“Let’s just go slow, Cub. My Alpha instincts are screaming at me to pamper you, to tend to your needs. Will you let me?” Kai’s breath fanned over my skin as he spoke, and the intensity of Cam’s gaze combined with Kai’s tenderness had me feeling like I might crumple into a ball of nothingness.
“The babies are okay?” I hadn’t heard them, but that incessant nagging in my head made it impossible for me not to ask. Kai returned to combing my hair, and the soothing sensations were making my eyelids heavy.
“Yes, baby. They’re with their other daddies right now, getting some snuggles and love. Bram had to go to Besmet this morning but he should be back anytime now,” Cam replied, letting his hands fall from my face to my hands.
“Besmet? And nobody told me?”Ouch.That stung.
Kai paused his brushing and turned my head to face him. “We tried to, Sprout. I tried earlier to talk to you and you didn’t seem interested. In fact, I don’t think you said more than three words to me. Then we sent Fischer in to see you. He said you were staring out of the window the entire time.”
Fuck. Oh gods...I vaguely remembered them coming into the room earlier, but for the life of me, I couldn’t recall anything they’d said. It was just... blank.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed. “I’m so sorry.”
“Hey, none of that now. I’ve been where you are now, Sprout. Not exactly the same circumstances, but those feelings you’re talking about—I understand. You have nothing to be sorry about, no matter how much you feel like you do. The only reason I told you about what happened earlier is because I want you to understand why we’re so concerned for you. We love you more than anything. Sometimes it takes hearing what others are seeing for us to realize we’ve been blind to our own behavior.”
“I knew I was feeling off, but I thought— I mean, I am really tired. That’s true.” I looked between my two men. I didn’t know why, but I needed them to believe that I hadn’t realized it was so bad. That I was so bad...
“We know, little witch. And some sleep will have you feeling better. We’re going to get you through this. After everything you’ve done for us, please let us do this for you.” Cam stood up, holding a hand out for me to take. It was a lifeline. If I was going to get back to myself, I needed to take it. I could stay isolated and continue to drift further from the woman I was and the woman I wanted to be, or I could be brave and accept help. I clasped my hand in his, and he smiled softly, pulling me to my feet. “I’m just going to head downstairs and make sure the soup Faris made earlier is fit for eating.”
“Fariswas cooking?”What in the name of...
“He’s been restless, and driving Sloane up the fucking wall. I kind of took him under my culinary wing, so to speak,” Kai explained sheepishly. “It’s been... Well, to put it lightly, it’s been a gods damn experience.”
“Nightmare,” Cam coughed into his fist.
I snorted with laughter. “As long as he’s moved away from toast, I’ll consider it a win.”
“He’s not happy, but we hid the toaster.” My mouth fell open, and Cam winced. “What? He was going through enough bread to feed a fucking army, and it always ended up getting fed to the birds anyway. He was fixated on the damn thing.”
Kai scoffed. “That, and Napoleon has been stress eating. I found a HOARD of toast crusts in one of my old boots! I thought they were croutons because they were so stale, but it all made sense when that fat little mouse scurried around the corner with a whole slice of bread in his mouth!”
I couldn’t stop the laugh that exploded from me as I envisioned what Kai was explaining. “Oh gods,” I wheezed, trying to get some air into my lungs, my belly aching with laughter.
