Page 77 of Demons In My Head: Exposing the Exiled
Jasper's form moved to stand beside me, his ghostly hand hovering near mine. "After... after I died. I couldn't remember who I had been, just fragments. It wasn't until Palmer came that things started coming back."
Talon looked like he'd been struck. "You were my fucking brother. I should have known something was wrong. Should have sensed it."
"Asrael was too powerful," I reminded him. "He blocked everything—your connection, our bonds, my ability to ever speak of it. We were all his puppets."
"But not anymore," Palmer interjected firmly. "Asrael is dead. His power is broken. And Jasper is here—maybe not fully corporeal, but here nonetheless. The compulsion is gone, Rhodes. You're free to remember. Free to heal."
I looked at her—this witch who had stormed into our lives and systematically dismantled every wall we'd built around ourselves. My demon snarled, but not in anger. In recognition. In respect.
"Is that why you changed?" Felix asked quietly. "After that night, you became someone else entirely. Jasper's death rocked all of us, but you… Well, we all thought it was the exile, but it was..."
"It was watching someone I loved die because I loved him," I finished for him. "And being magically prevented from even honoring that love by acknowledging it existed."
Ashland moved suddenly, closing the distance between us. For a moment, I thought he might hit me—gods knew I deserved it for keeping such a secret, compulsion or not. Instead, he placed a hand on my shoulder, his grip firm enough to anchor me to the present.
"It ends today," he said, his voice leaving no room for argument. "The secret. The isolation. The guilt. All of it."
Talon stepped forward next, his eyes glassy with unshed tears as he looked between me and Jasper's form. "My brother was in love with you, and I never knew."
"We couldn't riskanyoneknowing," Jasper explained gently. "If he'd found out that you all were aware? I can only imagine what he would've done."
"He would have killed us all," Misha finished.
Understanding dawned on Tal's face. "Fuck."
Felix approached cautiously, his empathic nature making him the most visibly affected by the waves of emotion filling the small room. "All these years, you've blamed yourself. Carried this alone."
I shrugged, uncomfortable with their scrutiny, with the compassion I didn't deserve. "It was my fault. If I hadn't—"
"No," Jasper interrupted firmly. "I knew the risks. We both did. And I would choose the same path again, knowing the outcome. My only regret is that you suffered alone."
Misha stepped closer, his eyes full of an understanding that cut through my defenses. "It's why you've been so resistant to her, isn't it?" He tossed a look at Palmer. "Why you fight the connection so hard?"
My silence was answer enough.
"Everyone I care about gets hurt," I finally admitted, the words barely audible. "Everyone I... love... becomes a target."
"Oh, for fuck's sake," Talon groaned, though there was no real heat in it. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. We're all targets already."
A choked laugh escaped me, surprising even myself. "When you put it that way..."
"Rhodes," Felix said gently, "you've spent decades punishing yourself for something that was never your fault. Isn't it time to stop?"
I looked at Jasper's form, at the face I'd loved and lost and mourned in silence for so long. "I don't know if I can. I don't know how."
"You can," Palmer said with quiet certainty. "And you will. We're here and we're not going to let you carry this alone anymore."
A commotion from the main chamber pulled us back to the present—to the reason we'd come here in the first place. Hundreds of souls still needed our help. Still needed freedom.
"We have to finish this," I said, straightening my shoulders and trying to rebuild some semblance of my usual composure. "The spirits—"
"Will wait five more minutes," Ashland declared, his tone brooking no argument. He turned to me, his ice-blue eyes piercing through every defense I had left. "This doesn't end here, Rhodes. When we get back, when everything settles down, we're going to talk about this—all of it. No more secrets. No more carrying burdens alone. That's an order."
I nodded, too emotionally drained to argue. As we moved to leave the office, Talon grabbed my arm, holding me back as the others filed out.
"If I had known," he said, voice rough with emotion, "I would have torn Asrael apart with my bare hands."
"I know," I replied simply. "That's why he made sure you never found out."
