Page 76 of Demons In My Head: Exposing the Exiled
Jasper stepped closer, and I pressed myself against the wall, desperate to maintain distance. "Rhodes, please. You have to stop blaming yourself. What happened that night—"
"Was my fault!" The words exploded from me, along with a blast of telekinetic energy that sent papers flying. "I should haveknown what Asrael was planning. Should have protected you better. Should have—"
"Should have what? Been able to predict the future?" Jasper's voice was gentle but firm. "We've already had this conversation! You didn't kill me, Rhodes. Asrael did. And he did it because he knew about us, knew what we meant to each other."
My chest constricted painfully. "Don't."
"Why not? Because it still hurts? Good. That means it was real." He moved closer still, close enough that I could feel the chill emanating from his body. "What we had was real, Rhodes. And keeping it secret all these years has been eating you alive."
The door burst open behind Jasper, and Talon stood in the doorway, his eyes wild. "What the fuck is going on in here? We've got spirits to free and you're—"
He froze, gaze darting between Jasper's form and my face, which I knew was twisted with decades of suppressed anguish.
"Rhodes? Talon?" Felix appeared behind Talon, pushing past him into the room. "We heard shouting. Are you—" His words died as he sensed the tension crackling in the air.
"Tell them," Jasper urged, his spectral form flickering intensely. "You can finally speak the truth."
My demon thrashed beneath my skin, desperate to break free from the chains that had bound it for so long. I could feel it—the magical restraint that had been wound around my mind like barbed wire was gone, but if I was honest with myself, it had been gone for years. It was my own desire to punish myself that kept me silent.
"What truth?" Ashland demanded, entering the increasingly crowded office, Misha right behind him. "What the hell is going on?"
Palmer slipped in behind them, her eyes immediately finding Jasper's form. Something passed between them—a silentcommunication that sent a spike of jealousy through my chest before I could suppress it.
"It's time, Rhodes," Jasper said softly. "It wasn't your fault."
"Don't tell me what was or wasn’t my fault!" I roared, the outburst making everyone except Jasper take a step back.
His form flickered between me and the others. "Rhodes couldn't tell you. Not wouldn't—couldn't. Asrael placed a compulsion on him the night before he killed me."
I looked at Jasper in shock. He knew about the compulsion? As though he could read my thoughts, he nodded. "Asrael made sure I knew all about it before he killed me."
"Rhodes," Talon stepped forward, his expression uncharacteristically serious. "What really happened to my brother?"
The compulsion that had strangled my words for decades was long gone, but the habit of silence remained. I opened my mouth, closed it, feeling like I was drowning on dry land.
"Tell them," Jasper urged gently. "Or I will. They deserve to know."
I looked at each of their faces—Ashland's controlled concern, Talon's barely restrained fury, Felix's quiet devastation, and Misha's silent understanding. The walls I'd built to protect this secret were crumbling, and I was too exhausted to shore them up anymore.
"Jasper and I were lovers," I finally said, the words falling from my lips like stones. "For months before he died. We kept it secret because Asrael considered him his personal property."
The silence that followed was deafening. Felix's eyes widened in shock, while Talon's narrowed dangerously.
"The night before the execution, Asrael caught us together," I continued, my voice growing steadier as the long-suppressed truth finally found air. "He had us both thrown in the dungeons.Jasper tried to reach you—Talon and Felix—but he'd blocked your connections."
“I fucking hate him even more now,” Felix growled.
Talon's power flared, his demon rising to the surface. "You're telling me my brother died because Asrael was fucking jealous? And we never knew?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying," I confirmed, feeling decades of repressed rage bubbling to the surface. "He made you all watch the execution to break your spirits. Made me watch to break mine. And then he made sure I could never tell you why it really happened."
Ashland's face had gone completely blank—a dangerous sign for those who knew him well. "All these years," he said quietly. "All these years, you carried this alone."
"I had no choice," I replied, though the words tasted bitter on my tongue. "And after a while... after we were exiled, after everything else that happened, it seemed better to keep it buried. What good would it have done to know? It wouldn't have brought him back."
"But it might have helped you heal," Felix said softly, taking a tentative step toward me. "Gods, Rhodes. No wonder you've been..."
"A cold, heartless bastard?" I supplied with a humorless smile. "Hard to be anything else when half of you died along with someone you loved, and you couldn't even properly grieve them."
