Page 29 of A Cowboy Home for Christmas

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“What does that mean?”

Her smile drops at my snarl. “He’s a good guy.”

“I know he’s a good guy. I sure as hell don’t need you to tell me. You of all people.”

“N-no. I-I just meant,” she stutters. “Even if things don’t work out between you two, he won’t hold it against your girls. He’s not that kind of guy.”

My mind spins. I haven’t thought this through. Not long term. What if in a year we decide we’re not compatible. Then what? My girls go through another loss?

“Lauren —”

“I didn’t ask you. We’re not friends, Alison. We will never be friends. If you’re lucky, we’ll be friendly acquaintances for our kids. But it stops there. We stop there.” I turn and can’t get up the stairs fast enough.

I slip into my girl’s bedroom and lean against the door. My heart thunders in my chest so loud I swear the entire cabin can hear. The room blurs and I close my eyes. I can feel my body trembling from head to toe.

“Breathe,” I chant the word. “Breathe.”

I remember this feeling the last time I had a panic attack. The only time. The moment I realized my daughters lost their father, and I had to tell them. I had to break their hearts and watch them suffer. I can’t do it again.

In and out.

I inhale deeply, hold, release and repeat. Over and over until my breathing settles.

I slide to the floor and drop my head into my knees. Tears threaten to burst. But I can’t.

Just like I can’t meet Barker and start a relationship with my daughter’s uncle. I won’t upheave their lives any more than they already are. And I know if I meet him in the bathroom, naked and waiting for me, I’ll cave. I’ll run into his arms. Make love to him. Because that’s what my heart wants. But my girls come first.

So, I peek into my room, thankful to see the bathroom door closed. I sprint inside and collect my makeup bag and outfit for the day. Including my swimsuit so there’s no further bathroom encounters with Barker today.

I quietly shut the door, locking myself in my twin’s room. I pack their swimsuits and sneak out the door.

Chapter Eight

BARKER

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