Page 34 of Rough Cowboy
Chapter Seven
SILVER
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IHALF EXPECT HER TOslap me.
My body tenses as I wait for it.
“That’s the best you could come up with?” Her nostrils flare in that angry way I love. “I don’t want to sleep with you, so I’m sleeping with your brother?”
“I’m not offended.” The lies are pouring out of me today, but there’s no way in hell I’ll share my real feelings.
“You say you’re always up for a challenge, but child support and a nanny sounds more like a cop-out.”
She throws invisible punches, as good as my brother.
“You want to know what was bothering me at the reveal? It was fear that the kid might be yours and you planned on abandoning both of us.”
Guilt, shame, and remorse slam into me with a force that almost winds me. I ain’t used to any of these emotions. I live my life on the edge. I steer clear of drama. And here I am, smack dab in the middle and the fucking instigator.
“Listen, Els—”
She takes a step back. “I will never forgive you for instilling that fear into me. Never.”
“Neither will I.”
She scoffs. “The only person Silver cares about is himself.” She isn’t wrong. “And your twin. That’s why you’re here. Such a big man, and you can’t even let your brother go and be happy without you.”
“You’re encroaching on a dream we’ve shared our entire lives.” The high standards my folks instilled in me split in half with the cruel accusation.
“Don’t try to pull the wool over my eyes. You can’t live without him. You don’t know how. He strokes your ego and lets you behave like the asshole you are without consequence or answering to your actions.”
“I am an asshole. You know that. Why would you ever let the words that come from my mouth affect you?”
“Not all of us were raised with parents who loved us. Some of us had absent fathers and crackhead mothers.” This is the first time I’ve heard her mention her parents. Not that we share a conversational relationship.
“Els, I’m sorry.”
“You’ll never understand what it feels like to be abandoned, and now, neither will my baby. But for a moment, my heart broke for this baby. Because when you’re a parent, it doesn’t matter what an asshole you are as long as you show up and make it clear you weren’t showing up.”
I would’ve been there.
The words are on the tip of my tongue. I’m all talk, but I’m also all action. I don’t run away from my responsibilities. No matter what she thinks. But what’s the point in delving into thewould havesnow?
“Why don’t you do us all a favor and leave? That’s what you’re good at.” She stalks after my brother. I’m not too fond of the unsettling feeling left inside me.
Fuck feelings.
I grab a beer and head down the hallway. I ain’t going any damn place. The can hisses when I pop it open, and I slug back a mouthful.
The first room on the left is old man Walker’s office. I like the antlers hung in the second room. The queen size bed is nice, too, if it wasn’t coated in layers of dust. My folk’s ranch is starting to look like the better choice.
I stop in the doorway. Across from this bedroom is a recently whitewashed painted room. From this view, I see big windows overlooking the back deck, a white pin-tuck duvet spread over a white antique spool bed. The room doesn’t look like it belongs here, and I’ll bet it’s Sammy and Elsie’s.
