Page 41 of Rough Cowboy
Nothing.
His hooded eyes narrow on me, deeper with each stroke. His woodsy, manly scent clouds my senses. Lust, passion, and desire stir a fiery flame in his amber eyes.
Pure ecstasy.
My heart rate increases, arousing a deep aching in my stomach. The muscles of my core start to contract. And my legs go numb as the release I’ve been avoiding steals me.
I realize what I’ve done when I come down from the small release.
Silver’s hands freeze on my foot.
Both men are quiet.
Silver speaks first. “Did you just—?”
“No,” I answer too quickly, pulling my feet out of his grasp.
Silver looks all arrogant the way he does when he flawlessly rides a mechanical bull in a bar. “You did, didn’t you?
I don’t know why I’m embarrassed. I don’t know why I want to crawl under a rock and perish.
But I do. And he’s sitting beside me, undoubtedly hurt and confused.
Fuck, I’m confused.
“Get over yourself.” I throw the blanket off me. “I’m tired.”
My eyes meet Sammy’s, and his disappointment drills deep into my gut. The feeling isn’t new. Lately, at every turn, I feel like I’m disappointing someone. Maybe I’m more like my parents than I know.
“Night.” I scurry to my bedroom like I’m in the wrong.
And maybe I am, but I can’t decide what for—betraying Sammy? Betraying myself? Betraying the baby? It’s not that simple. It’s not black and white.
Pacing back and forth in my bedroom begins to overwhelm me. I clench my phone to my cast-beating chest, wanting to call my sister. Lena knows how to set me straight. Besides flat-out telling me not to lie about the baby’s paternity, she’s pretty good at twisting words to make me see what needs to be done.
I don’t know what needs to be done.
My brain can’t even form a decent sentence.
I need to relax.
I need to calm down.
I toss my phone on the bed and turn on the water in my bathroom ensuite. I drop a chunk of bubble bar into the water and watch the froth form along the surface. I’ve enjoyed long soaks in the claw foot tub, and maybe the water will calm my wild nerves.
It wasn’t even a mind-blowing orgasm. It was a small release, at best. I know because my core still throbs, demanding attention.
I strip off my pajamas and sink into the warm water. The lilac-scented bubbles envelop my body and tickle my chin.
I refuse to give into the thrumming between my legs as the water creeps over my middle and above my breasts. My lust is what has me in this situation.
Tears sting my eyes, but I refuse to cry. I’m not that girl. The salty tears break the barrier and run down my cheeks.
I am that girl.
I’m the lost girl who has never really known what or who she wants. And now I’m supposed to know everything and have all the answers for my baby. I’m supposed to ignore the hope that Silver would acknowledge the asshole he’s been and apologize. I’m supposed to be strong enough to resist how much I miss him. Miss the banter, miss the laughter, miss the sex. And most of all, I miss whatever day-to-day encounters we had for the last year. I’m supposed to resist it all while he’s a stone’s throw away day and night.
Screw Silver.
