Page 4 of Steel & Jenna
“Wow!” The exclamation was barely more than a whisper and filled with a palpable amount of awe. Lilly had her face pressed nearly to the glass display window.
In the display, Jack immediately noticed what she was looking at. A box set ofThe Chronicles of Narnia. Lilly, though entering first grade, was an avid reader. She absolutely loved books and would probably need glasses soon, based on how close she held them to her nose. More than reading books, she lovedlisteningto them. Jack and she were frequent visitors at the library, where they picked up all sorts of books that Jack would then read to her at night. She’d long ago moved on from the picture books most kids her age adored, likeThe Berenstain Bearsand theLittle Critterbooks.
The set of seven books in the display window had a ribbon around the bundle with a stuffed lion sitting on top. The entire set, including the lion, was listed for eight dollars.
Jack’s stomach sank. He only had a few pennies left, nowhere near eight dollars.
Fuck, he hated this. Hated to disappoint Lilly because he couldn’t afford to give her something that brought such a smile to her face. It wasn’t even like she was asking for something extravagant or ridiculous. It wasbooks. Something every kid should have in abundance—but he couldn’t afford to give her.
More than frustration and the disappointment of his failure to provide, he was pissed. Pissed at their parents. Neither Lilly nor Jack hadaskedto be born. They hadn’tchosentheir parents. If John Duncan was right, Lilly might even have a different father out there than him. Not that that made her any less his sister, but maybe that man could provide to her what he was clearly failing to.
Jack had eight dollars at home. Hecouldget the books for her. But then what? Books now or a home later. Two years, four months,twenty-two days was all they had to survive until Jack could get them out of this shit town and this shit life. He had a thousand dollars saved up, but that had taken him fifteen years of birthday gifts, holiday gifts, and working odd jobs.
It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t nearly enough. Eventually, he’d be able to get a full-time job. He’d probably have to drop out of high school to do it. Not that he cared about his education. He wasn’t going places—but Lilly was. She deserved everything she could get from this life. Even if it meant Jack didn’t.
Hating what he was about to say, Jack knelt down so he could be eye level with Lilly. At fifteen, he was more gangly than anything. Like his limbs were too long for his torso.
“Lillypad,” he started, but didn’t have to get very far.
As soon as he’d spoken, her shoulders had slumped in disappointment, her face crestfallen. She let out a long sigh. “It’s okay, Jackie. I know what you’re going to say.”
“I’m so sorry.” He hated how his voice cracked. His chest physically hurt with the weight of her disappointment. “Maybe for your birthday.”
She nodded, but all her enthusiasm from a minute ago had fled. Lilly turned her back to the display window without another look at the books. Like she was trying to block them out of her memory.
“We can stop by the library tomorrow,” Jack told her, trying to raise her excitement again. “Get you any book you want!”
Lilly shrugged. “Yeah, okay.”
Shit, he’d really been hoping the mention of going to the library would cheer her up. “You love the library. We’ll even get there early so we can get the good beanbag chairs.”
In the kids’ section of the library, there was a colorful rug with rainbows, teddy bears, unicorns, and such, plus some kid-size tables and chairs and five beanbag chairs. Unfortunately, no matter how many times Mrs. Faulkner, the town’s librarian, fixed them, three of those beanbags were always leaking. The two good chairs were hard to grab if you weren’t there when someone left or if you weren’t the first through the door.
Lilly nodded. “That’s fine.”
But still no spark of excitement.
Jack’s shoulders slumped. “What is it, Lillypad?”
“It’s just not the same,” she said softly. “As much as I love the library books, I have to return them. They’re…notmine.”
Jack closed his eyes for a heartbeat. Fuck. He needed to get his anger under control so Lilly didn’t mistakenly think that it was directed at her in any way. Fuck their father and fuck their mother. They had the most amazing daughter and they just abandoned her. Lilly was like a beacon of light in a dark world of misery.
Once he was sure he was under control, Jack carefully turned her to face him. He was still down on his knee before her. “You have every right to wish for books of your own. I swear to you, Lillypad, one day I’ll buy you your own library.” Slowly, he shook his head. “But not today.” He cupped her little, chubby face between his hands. Even his fingers looked lanky in comparison. “Can you be patient for me just a bit longer?”
Though Lilly was biting the inside of her lip with eyes so sad they burned Jack’s soul, she nodded. “Two years,” she started.
“Four months,” he continued.
“Twenty-two days,” she ended.
He gave her a sincere smile. “I swear, Lilly, one day.”
She stepped forward into his open arms, her little hands clinging to his shirt. “Thanks for taking care of me, Jackie. One day, I’ll take care of you too.”
He pressed his lips to the top of her blonde head. “Never. Big brothers are supposed to take care of their little sisters, not the other way around.”
“Some big brothers are really stubborn.” She stepped back. “But wanna know a secret?”
