Page 76 of Steel & Jenna
That was his own mistake.
The truck was his. He had the paperwork to prove it. Maybe it was selfish of him to still consider keeping it, but he needed the truck at the very least. The truck bed gave him the option of taking other larger items too, though he’d need to get a tarp or something to cover it. Maybe it was better to just take enough that they could keep in the cab with them. It wasn’t right to take everything the Zarins’ had purchased for them. That would be greedy.
Jack found himself standing by his bed, an open suitcase on the mattress. When had he gone to his closet to get the suitcase? It was a decent sized bag, a hand-me-down from Mr. Zarin after Mrs. Zarin had gifted her husband with a new suitcase set this past Christmas. They’d been planning on taking a road trip that summer. The four of them driving down the coast, maybe even making it as far as California. Lilly had been given the smaller of Mr. Zarin’s suitcases and Jack the larger one.
Maybe Jack would take Lilly south. Was there really a point in staying around Port Townsend anymore? They were less than a year away from his eighteenth birthday. Maybe they’d take the year to drive, see the country. Jack could pick up odd jobs along the way and they could sleep in his truck to save money. Once he was eighteen,they’d find a place to settle down and he’d re-enroll her in school. She’d only be a year behind. That wasn’t too bad.
Jack didn’t remember packing his suitcase. He didn’t bother to pack his books or schoolwork. He certainly didn’t need to take that with him.
His vision paused on the pictures hanging on his wall.
Family pictures. Because, if only for a little while, he’d had a family. He’d hadparents. Good and loving people who had opened their home to two abandoned children. Who did that? In this harsh and cynical world, who let in two strange children with the intent to feed them, house them, and care for them?
That was their mistake, though. If they hadn’t offered, if Jack hadn’t accepted… She’d be alive. She’d still be alive.
It was all his fault. He’d wanted a familyso badly. He could justify his decision all day long, saying he’d done it for Lilly and that he’d wanted to provide her a home that he couldn’t give her, but they were just empty justifications masking the real reason he’d taken Mr. Zarin up on his offer.He’dwanted a home, he’d wanted a family, parents,someoneto take care ofhim.
Selfish.
He’d brought evil into this house.
For the first time since she’d been born, Jack believed with his entire being John Duncan’s accusations that Lilly was not his biological daughter. She was too precious, too pure, too good to be tainted with his blood. Whomever her father was, it hadn’t been John Duncan.
Jack was not so fortunate.
His blood was evil, passed down from father to son.
“Jack.”
His back stiffened at the sound of her voice. He still didn’t know what she was doing here, how she’d gotten here,whyshe was here.
“You shouldn’t be here.” His voice sounded like a toad’s croak.
He couldn’t look at her. If he looked, he would break again. He needed to finish packing. There was a storm outside, wasn’t there? What if the roads weren’t passable? Where were they to go then?
The trailer? It would be empty now. So long as his father paid his lot rent. But he hated the idea of taking Lilly back to that fucking thing. Heneverwanted to return there, let alone bring Lilly back.
They’d just have to head south and hope for the best. If the snow got too bad, they’d figure something out.
“Where else should I be? You need me?—”
“I need you to go.” Keeping his head down, he hurried out of his bedroom, across the hall, and into Lilly’s room. At least he remembered the walk there this time. He felt her body heat as he passed and did his damndest to ignore it.
He’d already brought evil into this house, tainted the goodness within. He would not touchherwith that same depravity.
“Jack!”
Ignoring her call, he went to Lilly’s closet. She had so much more stuff than he did. Toys and art supplies. How was he supposed to take it all? He should have used the larger of the two suitcases on Lilly’s things, not his own. Did he have time to swap them out?
It wasn’t just the storm outside he was worried about. When Mr. Zarin finally saw past his grief, when he put two and two together…
Jack squeezed his eyes closed, his own grief and guilt so debilitating that it hurt to breathe. He couldn’t picture it. One without the other. Yin without yang. Salt without pepper. They fit so perfectly, like puzzle pieces designed in a factory.
How did one survive without the other?
How did someone live on without the other half of their soul?
“Jack, you need to stop. Slow down. You’re not thinking clearly!”
