Page 77 of Steel & Jenna
Jack stopped, but not because she’d told him to. Having her here was like aloe to the burn, the magic elixir to heal his broken heart… He wanted to go to her, to wallow and allow grief and pity to take him over while in her arms. Because in her arms was sanctuary. There was no judgment, only serenity.
He could weather this storm, so long as he hadher.
But therein lay the problem.
He stood unmoving in the middle of Lilly’s room, his back to her. If he turned, if he so much as twitched a muscle, he would go to her.He would crumble and yield, to share this pain with her as she was offering.
He couldn’t. This pain, the torment inside him, was his burden to bear. His penance owed for what he’d done…and hadn’t done.
And so he spoke the words he never thought in a million years would cross his lips, the words her father had tried to pay him to say. They felt like acid on his tongue, but he savored the pain. Owned it, claimed it. He would suffer this too.
“If you ever loved me, Jenna Scanlon, you’ll leave and you’ll never come back. I don’t want you here and I don’t need you here. Go back to your perfect life of riches and glamor. Make something of yourself and leave me in peace. I’m done fighting for you.”
Jenna steppedout into the living room. Though grief for the loss of Mrs. Zarin was still at the forefront of her mind, making her belly ache and her chest hurt, anger masked her sadness like a blanket.
Who the fuck did Jack Duncan think he was? To kick her out, to say such hurtful things,to her? A part of her understood that he was in shock and not in a good frame of mind. She got it, but refused to excuse it. What happened to them facing the world together? To standing by the other, no matter what? To lean on the other so that neither of them ever had to bear the weight of the world alone?
And Jack Duncan thought he could just throw all that away? Fuck that and fuck him.
He might be done fighting, but she was not.
She knew him well enough, though, to know that if she dug in her heels in front of him that he would push even harder. She didn’t know exactly what had happened to Mrs. Zarin, but she knew that Jack’s father had done the deed. Jack would be blaming himself. He waspunishinghimself and the oldest punishment in the world was to take away the one thing your enemy loved the most.
And Jack’s biggest enemy right now was himself.
Jenna got it. Didn’t mean she wasn’t still pissed off, but she got it.She’d give him space, time to process. Right now he needed his family more than he needed her. He might not get it yet, but soon he’d learn that she was his family, too.
Mr. Zarin was in the living room. The man looked awful, but she supposed he had every right. Jenna’s chest ached just looking at him. How was he still standing, let alone holding Lilly’s weight? Jack’s little sister was in Mr. Zarin’s arms, looking so small in the large man’s arms. She had herself draped around his neck with her legs hanging limply down. Mr. Zarin had one arm around her back and the other under her butt to keep her to him.
Chief Cunningham was speaking with him. It didn’t pass Jenna’s notice that the Chief had herded them into the corner of the living room, where neither Lilly nor Mr. Zarin had a line of sight into the kitchen or the backyard.
Mr. Zarin spotted Jenna coming out from the hallway. He must have seen the anger on her face because his eyes narrowed. “What is it?” he asked her, his question stopping what the Chief had been saying to him midsentence. “Where’s Jack?”
“Packing,” Jenna told him honestly. Maybe it was throwing Jack under the bus slightly, but the man had a right to know.
“Packing?” Mr. Zarin demanded. There was something off about his usually gruff voice, like he’d swallowed a harmonica. “Why?”
Jenna crossed her arms over her chest. She understood that the man had just lost his wife, but she had her priorities. This man had once opened his home to Jack and Lilly, and Jenna needed to ensure that that hadn’t changed before she left. “He thinks you’re going to kick him out. Or,” she added in deference to Jack, “he fears you will, so he’s leaving before you can.”
Lilly’s head popped up. She sniffled. “What? We have to go?”
“No,” Mr. Zarin snapped, turning his head towards her. Then more gently added, “No, sweetie. You’re staying right here. Nothing,” his voice cracked. He cleared it. “Nothing has changed.” He looked back at Jenna. “They’re not going anywhere.”
The grief in his voice was second to the conviction.
Jenna nodded. “Thank you. I’m going to go. Jack,” she winced slightly. “He doesn’t want me here right now.”
“No, Jenna!” Lilly cried. “You can’t leave too!”
“I’m not,” Jenna reassured the little girl. “I promise, Lillypad.” She used Jack’s nickname for his sister in hopes that it would bring her some form of comfort in this trying time. “I’m just giving you guys a little space.” She turned to Mr. Zarin. “Maybe you should go talk to Jack before he finishes packing.”
Mr. Zarin nodded. He turned slightly to face the Chief. “Tim, do you mind? I need to get to my son before he does something stupid.”
“Go,” Chief Cunningham encouraged. “If it helps, I have his keys. They were in…” He stopped speaking before he finished that sentence.
Mr. Zarin nodded, wincing slightly as if he knew where Jack’s keys had been. Jenna didn’t understand, but it wasn’t her place to ask.
Without another glance back at Jenna, Mr. Zarin carried Lilly down the hallway. Jenna watched them for a moment before letting out a long sigh and dropping her arms. She knew Mr. Zarin would get through to Jack. She’d come back in the morning to help with whatever the three of them needed. None of them would be going to school for a bit.
