Page 8 of Steel & Jenna
Or maybe that was just wishful thinking.
Clearly, she knew he hadn’t had the money for the books. She’dprobably seen him tell Lilly that through the bookstore window. His clothes, Lilly’s, and their supplies all screamed poverty. Fuck, he hated that word.Poverty. Like a fancy word for beingpoor.
Jenna came from money. It had taken him a good part of their bike ride home to recognize the name—as well as the numerous plaques around town that stated they were donated or built by the Scanlon Seattle Foundation. She’d bought a collection of eight dollar books without blinking or hesitating.
She didn’t need that money back.
Jack wasn’t so enamored that he didn’t foresee trouble by pursuing Jenna. Dating took money, and money was the one thing he needed to squirrel away for Lilly’s future. Plus, dating meant being alone with Jenna, and he wasn’t willing to leave Lilly alone just to be able to spend time with Jenna.
By the time Lilly and Jack parked his bike and were making their way inside the house, Jack had all but talked himself out of pursuing Jenna. He wanted to. Fuck, he wanted to. But he couldn’t risk Lilly’s safety and future to do it.
The books Jenna had gifted Lilly were now stored in her new backpack on Jack’s back. He’d moved their clothes and school supplies to the paper bag the books had come in. Jack had been able to loop the bag handles over the handlebar of the bike. Lilly’s lion, Aslan, had been tucked in the front of her dress so she could still hold on with two hands.
It might be time to start looking for a bike of Lilly’s own. He’d been searching for years for a companion seat he could add to his bike at the thrift stores and junkyard, but the ones he’d found had been too broken for him to fix. He wished he knew what happened to his kid’s bike, but he was sure his mom had sold or traded it for his current one. He’d had it for many years, growing into it rather than getting it when he was already big enough to ride it.
As they walked up the dark stairs, Jack kept a hand on Lilly to guide her. Of course their dad wouldn’t turn the outside lights on for them. It wasn’t even a matter of wasting electricity, but the fact that he just didn’t care if they came home.
It was as obvious as an Unwelcome doormat.
Once they got to the door, Jack unlocked it with his key. He was pretty sure the only reason his dad hadn’t changed the locks to prevent him access was because the cost of a new lock was more than a case of beer. His dad certainly had his priorities.
As they entered, Jack stayed in front. Lilly cowered behind him. Fuck, he hated this life for her. No little girl should be afraid to go home. It wasn’t even that John Duncan had ever done anythingtoher. But he’d made it very obvious, and more so since their mom had left, that he wanted nothing to do with Lilly.Hishard-earned money would not go towards clothing or feeding her.
Their father was sitting on the couch in front of the flashing television. Over six feet tall, John Duncan had a hefty beer belly. His hair was as dark as Jack’s but his eyes were always dark, like his black soul was leaking through his irises. Jack let out a sigh of relief when he saw his dad was passed out. Crushed beer cans as well as cigarette butts were scattered about.
The man’s booted feet were propped up on the hassock his mom used to store her sewing supplies in. Before his mom had returned for her things, but not her children, Jack had snuck into the hassock to take some sewing supplies that he thought Lilly and he would need. His mom never even noticed in her haste to grab her things and leave.
As quietly as possible, Jack ushered Lilly back into their room. The trailer was a single-wide, with a living room and kitchenette up front. The narrow hallway that led to the two bedrooms had a slim accordion door for the bathroom. Jack and Lilly’s room was the smaller of the two rooms, even though their father rarely slept in his anymore. The couch was generally his bed from passing out drunk.
After leaving Lilly in their room with their purchases, Jack snuck back into the kitchen. The only option for fresh produce for them was at school. Over the summer, they did without. It was just too expensive. His dad had worked for a canning company for a few months two years ago. After being fired for showing up drunk on more than one occasion, which was usually why his father lost his jobs, John Duncan and a couple of his buddies had decided to rob the place inretribution. How they had gotten away with it, Jack would never know. No doubt all three of them were wasted beyond the legal limit. However he’d done it, the underbelly of their trailer behind the latticework was now full of canned foods like beans and wieners, corn, pears, and a variety of soups.
Jack kept two sporks and a can opener he’d gotten at the thrift store for a penny each in their bedroom. He kept some cans in their bedroom too, hidden behind a piece of loose plywood. But since his dad was passed out, Jack didn’t want to take from their stock in the bedroom. He could get into the kitchen, grab a few cans, and get back to their bedroom without their dad knowing he’d taken food to feed Lilly.
Logically, Jack had to assume his dad knew that Jack was feeding Lilly. Otherwise, she would have starved to death a long time ago. But since when was John Duncan logical?
Blindly grabbing cans while keeping an eye on his dad’s passed out form, Jack thought it too risky to try to get them glasses of water from the sink in the kitchen. He carefully looped his pinky finger over the edge of an empty cup to bring it with him.
Jack knew their trailer inside and out. He knew where the squeaky floorboards were and where all the corners were. He’d been sneaking around the trailer for food and necessities for longer than Lilly had been alive.
Once in their room, Jack closed the door behind them. He’d brought a cinder block in from outside around the same time that their mom had left. Since there was no lock on the door, it was the next best option.
Lilly had the camping lamp on. Their bedroom was tiny, barely big enough for the bunk beds the trailer had come with. He’d always had bunk beds in his room, even before Lilly had been big enough for her own bed. So as not to draw attention to them, they kept a lantern on rather than the overhead light. It hung from one of the wooden slats on the top bunk.
“What’d you get?” Lilly looked up at him excitedly.
Since Jack had no idea, he dumped his loot onto the lumpymattress that was probably older than he was. As Lilly looked through the selection with hungry eyes, Jack slipped back out of the room to get water from the bathroom sink. A quick glance down the hallway confirmed his dad hadn’t moved. As much as Jack wished the man would just drink himself to death, he needed his dad to hold out for another two years. Jack couldn’t risk them going into the system and Lilly being separated from him.
Once back in their bedroom, Jack lowered the cinder block in front of the door. It wouldn’t stop his dad from entering, not really, but it would make enough noise to wake Jack up and alert him that his dad was trying to get in.
He could never forget how much his dad hated Lilly. More than once, he’d threatened to ‘get rid of’ her. Jack had never asked if that meant giving her to Social Services or…something else. It didn’t matter. Jack would die first before he allowed something to happen to Lilly.
Lilly was sitting cross-legged on the bed. Her new stuffed lion was between her legs and the backpack with her books was open next to her but not pulled out. Like she needed to confirm they were just there.
Smiling, she held out a can of beans and wieners to him. The old can opener was too hard for her to work herself.
“What did you pick out for me?” Jack asked, climbing on to the lower bunk. He sat across from her. Lilly liked to pretend they were on a campout and the lantern was the campfire between them. Jack would not deny her that imagination. It was better than their reality, in his opinion.
Lilly pointed to a can of green beans.
