Page 92 of Steel & Jenna
“What about Lilly?”
“Technically, I’m her guardian. I’ll need to discuss with Mr. Zarin to see how best to handle that. Obviously, it wouldn’t change her living situation or what she feels like is her home, but there might have to be some legal stuff that allows her to remain where she is while I’m away.”
Jenna moved to sit next to him on the bed. Their hands were still laced together. “Have you thought about what it will do to me if you die? Have you considered the fact that you’re putting your life on the line for a paycheck?”
Jack winced, but not for the reason she probably thought. When she wouldn’t look at him, he shifted to kneel on the floor in front of her. “Life is a risk. Look at what happened with Mrs. Zarin. We can’t live our lives in fear of tomorrow. Jenna, I love you and I’m going to marry you. I want to spend every second of every day wrapped up in your arms, but we have to be realistic. We have to have jobs and put food on the table, to live our lives.
“Yes, joining the Marines is a risk. But so is crossing the street. What do you think it will do to me if I’m away protecting our country andyouget harmed at home? I never want to suffer through as Mr. Zarin is currently. It’s like he’s notalive. Like that bullet took his soul with him too. Ihateknowing that one day, God willing in the far, far future, one of us will have to live through burying the other. But that’s life. What is the saying, ‘all successful marriages end in death’? It’s sofucked up because it’s true. We can’t live our lives in fear of that though. We can only live for now while planning for later.”
Jenna shook her head. “But there’s the risk of death through everyday life and then there’s signing up for the military, Jack.”
“I know, but that’s the point of training, Jen. And the Marines aren’t just your average G.I. Joe. We’reMarines.”
“That doesn’t make you bulletproof.” She pointed a finger at his nose. “And don’t think I didn’t miss you including yourself in that plural, mister.”
Jack’s smile was sheepish. He took her finger and wiggled her hand. “Caught that, huh.”
Grumbling, she lowered her hand back down to her lap. “I don’t know what to say, Jack. I really don’t. Every fiber of my being is telling me to talk you out of this decision, but how can I? How selfish would that make me?”
“Jenna.” He leaned forward, bringing her hands to his chest. “Baby,beselfish. You’ve earned it. If you truly do not want me to do this, then I won’t. My life, my heart, is yours. Those aren’t empty words. If you tell me that you don’t want me to go, then it’s a done deal. End of story. I’ll never bring it up again.” He squeezed her hands. “I want you happy, Jen. That’s all that matters to me.”
Rather than being moved by his romantic words, Jenna made a disgruntled face. “Damn you, Jack. That just makes it worse!”
“What?” he demanded, confused.
“How do you thinkIfeel about you, asshole?” She pulled her hands away from him to cross them over her chest again. “Your happiness means everything to me too, Jack. And I can see how excited you are about becoming a Marine. I know this means a lot to you, in a way that going to college didn’t.” She shook her head. “I can’t take that away from you.”
He rose up, reaching for her face. “How about this? We put a pin in this discussion. Next weekend, we’ll sit down with Chief and Mrs. Cunningham. She was a Marine’s wife too. We can have a sit down with them and discuss everything. Pros, cons, all of it.”
Jack didn’t need to explain why he didn’t suggest talking to Mr. Zarin about his and Mrs. Zarin’s time while he was on active duty.
She nodded. “Please. I swear, I’m not saying ‘no’. I just…” She looked away, as if ashamed. “I just need more time, Jack.”
Jack brought her face back towards him. “Never be afraid to tell me what you need, Jen. Come on, let’s change the subject and finish dinner.” He kissed her cheek. “I owe you some loving.”
4 days
Four days. That was all that was left before he got to marry Jenna. Excitement, anticipation, love, fear, hope, joy, sadness… His entire body was thrumming with a variety of emotions and he couldn’t seem to sit still. Jenna was driving up as soon as her school let out. From their conversation that morning before they’d both gone to classes, all her bags were packed and she was going to put them in her car during her lunch hour. That way she didn’t have to go back to her dorm room after her last class.
Jack looked at his watch. Her school day was slightly longer than his, so while he was already out of class and waiting in the pickup line at the elementary school to pick up Lilly, Jenna still had another fifteen minutes before her final bell of the day.
Four days.
Both of them were skipping school next week until Thursday. Neither of them wanted to blow their chances of graduating because they had received a full week of unexcused absences just before finals. His graduation was the Saturday before hers even though their last day of school was the same day. He’d already bought the tickets for Mr. Zarin, Lilly, and himself to attend her graduation. There was no charge for his small town graduation, but Jenna’s private city academy required an admission ticket.
Ridiculous, but it was what it was. He wasn’t going to miss his wife’s high school graduation.
Wife.
In four days, Jenna would be eighteen. Jack wasn’t getting cold feet, per se. He loved Jenna and he wanted to marry her. But he was a bit concerned about…after. Not the weddingnight, but after that.Marriage. The goal to get married, to reach this point, had been on the horizon for so long that Jack had to wonder if they were making a mistake rushing into amarriage. They hadn’t exactly had the ideal dating situation.
Once eighteen, Jenna’s parents had no say about her life whether she was married to him or not. Marriage wasn’t the key to get them off her back, being eighteen was. What was the harm in waiting a little bit longer? Todatefirst?
Mr. Zarin had tried to talk them into waiting. Not breaking up or seeing other people but justbeing. Marriage was a big commitment. It shouldn’t be rushed or taken lightly.
Both Mrs. Scanlon, before her arrest, and Mr. Scanlon had tried to convince Jenna that she was only with Jack to spite them. They had said ‘no’ and her teenage need to rebel had convinced her that she wanted to be with Jack. Not love or lust, but a need to spite her parents’ will.
Jack didn’t believe that and neither did Jenna. They both knew better. The pain of separation, the physicalneedto be with each other, and the desire to care for each other was not just some teenage rebellion or passing fancy.
