Page 80 of Steel & Jenna
After several long minutes that no one dared to interrupt, Mr. Zarin raised his head, leaned down and kissed his wife’s forehead. “I promise,” Jack swore he heard Mr. Zarin whisper.
Mr. Zarin turned and stumbled. Chief Cunningham caught one arm and Jack gripped the other. Together, they helped Mr. Zarin steady himself. At his nod, both of them let go of his arms as the man walked down the steps and away from the love of his life of his own volition.
Jack turned to face the casket. He hadn’t meant to be last, only meaning to remain at the altar to assist Mr. Zarin.
But there he was. Standing beside the casket seconds before it was closed forever more. The finality of the moment turned his stomach. How was he supposed to say goodbye to a woman who’d meant so much to him in such a short amount of time? Who’d rescued him out of the goodness of her soul? What words could he possibly say thatcould quantify his gratitude and appreciation for her selflessness? How did he even begin to express how sorry he was, how he would take her place if he could?
There were over a million words in the English language and he couldn’t think of a single one to say.
A hand touched the small of his back through his suit jacket and it was like the world stilled. The spinning vortex that had been consuming him for the past few days calmed and the storm inside his head ceased.
He couldbreathe, taking what felt like the first full breath since discovering Mrs. Zarin inside that shed.
Jack reached forward and touched Mrs. Zarin’s wrist. “Thank you, Mom.”
Then he allowed Jenna to lead him down the narrow stairs to the front pew. Behind them echoed the creak of the casket closing.
CHAPTER 18
Jenna didn’t leave Jack’s side again except for when he stood with Chief Cunningham to escort the casket down the aisle of the church with the other four pallbearers, including Mrs. Zarin’s nephew. The pastor followed down the stairs and then it was the family’s turn. Mr. Zarin stood, tears falling unchecked down his cheeks, and held out his hands. Lilly took his right, but it wasn’t until Mr. Zarin looked at Jenna that she realized he was offering her his other hand.
Other family members followed. Jenna didn’t know who was who, but figured them to be family from how close they were sitting to Mr. Zarin in the pews.
Once outside the church steps, the hearse was waiting for the casket. Jack returned to Mr. Zarin’s side after he was relieved of his duty. Mr. Zarin was squeezing Jenna’s hand so tightly as the back door of the hearse was slammed closed that Jenna didn’t move to let Jack take his place at Mr. Zarin’s side. Instead, she held out her free hand to him, which he immediately took.
The four of them walked in front of the procession as they followed the hearse around the church, through the cemetery, and to the open grave where the snow had been cleared.
No one spoke, though a child was shushed by their mother after pointing out “the hole in the ground”.
At the gravesite, two rows of chairs were set up for the family. Though Chief Cunningham stayed close to Mr. Zarin, he did not take one of the white folding seats. However, Jenna was forced to sit because neither Jack nor Mr. Zarin let go of her hand. The pastor said the farewell prayer and then the others were invited to say their final goodbyes before leaving the family members. Jenna looked at Jack to ask if he wanted her to leave too, but he shook his head in answer without needing her to voice her question.
Time passed. Mrs. Zarin’s relatives touched the coffin or dropped a rose on top before heading back to the church. The lunch reception the church was hosting was scheduled to start at noon, which Jenna assumed was about what time it was.
Finally, it was just Mr. Zarin, Lilly, Jenna, and Jack at the graveside. A glance around showed Chief Cunningham was standing back by the road with his wife and the pastor.
It was a long time of silence before Lilly started to shift uncomfortably. “I don’t want to leave, but I need to go to the bathroom.” Her voice was small and apologetic.
Jenna was about to offer to take her when Mrs. Cunningham walked up. “I’ve got her, Arnie. You take as long as you need.”
Mr. Zarin didn’t look at either of them as they walked away. Jack let go of Jenna’s hand, stood, walked around to Lilly’s seat, and took Mr. Zarin’s other hand.
They continued to sit. Jenna leaned her head against Mr. Zarin’s shoulder, wanting to offer him additional comfort. The cold breeze made her shiver, but she made no complaint.
“She was so good.” Jenna had been lost in her own thoughts and hadn’t been anticipating Mr. Zarin’s words. “The world will never know as pure a soul as my Daphne.”
Mr. Zarin stood, releasing his grip on their hands. He kept his back to them. “I have no desire to go inside and make small talk with people who only knew pieces of her. I’m going to go home.”
“I’ll drive you,” Jack offered.
“No.” Mr. Zarin’s shook his head slightly. “Stay, don’t stay. It doesn’t matter to me. You do what you need to do, but I need to be alone for a bit. Do you understand?”
Jenna glanced over, fearing for a moment Jack would think Mr. Zarin was trying to kick him out of the house. She knew Mr. Zarin didn’t mean that, but it wasn’t so long ago that Jack thought Mrs. Zarin’s death meant he and Lilly would have to leave the house, too.
Jack, though, nodded behind Mr. Zarin’s back. “I’ll get Lilly and we’ll go out for a bit. Give you…time.” His voice cracked on the last word.
“Thank you.”
Jack and Jenna stood as Mr. Zarin walked away. Their hands came together, watching the man’s rigid back. His voice had been so devoid of emotion and he was walking like a tin soldier. It was a heartbreaking end to a heartbreaking day.
