Page 51 of Raising Love
I focused on her.
“I mean…” She held up a hand. “I know that everything isn’t okay. I just mean you seem a little out of it.”
What I wouldn’t have given to be able to talk this out with someone. Tell her what happened with Ivy and how it had my mind so fucked up. Because I thought Ivy was the only woman on this planet I would never sleep with. We were so different, and I highly doubted I was her type. But that night, in its own way, what we did was really beautiful. She looked really fucking beautiful with me inside of her, having the most intense orgasm against me. Time froze for me, and I wanted someone to explain to me what the hell I was feeling. Why I wanted her again. Why I felt the need to avoid Ivy because I wanted her again in the worst way, but I knew that was a foolish thought.
Couldn’t tell Vanessa that, though. She most definitely wouldn’t be understanding about me fucking another woman, even if Vanessa and I weren’t in a relationship. Plus, for the two years I’ve known Vanessa, she has been convinced that Ivy and I had hooked up in the past or would hook up in the future. Vanessa swore Ivy wanted me but was hiding her desires behind our friendship, which was laughable at best. So there was no way I could tell Vanessa what had me spacing out and constantly being sucked back into my bedroom at 3 a.m., unexpectedly enjoying the best sex I’ve ever had in my entire fucking life.
“I’m good,” I told her, forcing another smile. I’d been doing that every night since I asked her out to eat. Lying. “Just… I got a lot on my mind.”
Like how tight Ivy’s pussy was around me and how I was pretty sure I would be willing to take my final breath buried inside of her, just like that night.
I cleared my throat and reached for my glass, tossing back the brandy.
I was lifting my hand to signal our server to bring another round when Vanessa reached her hand across the table again.
Her touch was so damn empty, my God.
Not like Ivy’s. Her touch—from the innocent caress of my back to the dig of her nails in my back—was otherworldly.
“Come back to my place tonight.” Vanessa licked her lips, then drew her bottom lip into her mouth to bite. “I’ll take care of you.”
So I did. I had my driver bring Vanessa and me to her apartment. She didn’t waste much time as soon as we stepped through her door. And I did my best to stay in the moment. Tried to be receptive from the ride over as she kept running her hand up and down my neck, leaning in for a kiss.
Any time before the night with Ivy, all of that would have been enough… or was it? Or was I just settling then, like I was settling now as Vanessa walked me to her couch in her living room?
Her hands were at the back of her dress as she zipped it down, the fabric coming undone around her shoulders and then her waist before it was falling to her feet.
Vanessa was a really beautiful woman. Everything about and around her was beautiful. Her apartment was that of a socialite. Furry this, gold-plated that. She was truly a great woman. Then why was what she was doing tonight not doing anything for me?
She was down on her knees, kissing me through my jeans. I dropped my head back against the neck of her couch, squeezing my eyes closed, trying like hell to ground myself in the moment.
But, fuck! Something was missing.
Vanessa unzipped my fly and pulled out my dick that was still very flaccid.
It was never, ever flaccid around her.
“Oh,” she commented, lifting her gaze to mine. “It’s okay.” She nodded next, allowing a sweet smile to pull at her lips. “I got you.”
And any other time, that would have sufficed, but tonight I just wasn’t feeling it.
“You know what?” I gently took her by her wrists and moved myself out of her reach, standing to my feet. “I’m just gonna head home.”
“What?” she asked, taking a seat on the couch, watching as I fixed myself. “Why?”
“I’m not feeling too good,” I lied. “I’m not in the right headspace, and that’s not fair to you.”
“It’s fine?—”
“It’s not, Vanessa,” I spoke over her. I closed the space between us, taking a seat on the couch beside her for only a moment. I took her by the chin, caressing her there for a breath before leaning in to leave a kiss against her forehead. “I’ll call you.”
She sighed, then nodded, pressing a hand to my face. “Okay.”
Back in the black car I rented and headed down the I-87 en route to Greene Gardens, alone with my thoughts, all I could think about was Ivy and that night. That was all I could think about these last few days.
What the hell was even that?
I had never seen Ivy in that light before, completely pushed the idea of us to the back of my mind the night we first went out with our friends. Very beautiful, she wasn’t my type personality-wise. Uptight, way too particular, and headstrong… with a sex face that was making me hard in the back of that black car from memory alone.
