Page 54 of Raising Love
“Look,” he said, running a hand down his beard. “You’re tired right now and understandably frustrated…”
And confused as to what the hell we are at this point.
“I get it.” He nodded. “I’m just saying you can take a break from all this too, Ivy.”
I rolled my eyes away from him.
“You can get out there, enjoy the life you thought you were gonna have before all this shit went left.”
“I don’t want to do what you’re doing, Leo.” I turned in my seat to face him completely. “I don’t want to be a deadbeat, just dropping that baby here, there, and everywhere.”
His brows shot up. “A deadbeat.” He clenched his jaw next. “You calling me a deadbeat now?”
I just stared at him.
He hollered a laugh. “Wow. And for the fucking record, you wouldn’t be dropping him here, there, and everywhere. He’d be going to his grandparents. Grandparents who offered to take him whenever.”
“You just don’t fucking get it.” I shook my head. “Handing the baby off to others isn’t a solution to the overall issue here, Leo.” I pointed at him next. “We don’t even have a name for him yet.”
“Here we go with this shit,” he expressed lowly.
“It’s been three months, and you haven’t been around long enough for us to decide what we are going to call him.”
“Choose a fucking name then, shit.”
“Choose a fucking name,” I repeated, scoffing a laugh and looking away before refocusing on him. “The point still remains. You have been going out way too much. You have been clubbing, dining, and whatever the fuck else you’re doing when you’re not here… you’ve been doing it too damn much.”
“And who the fuck made you the authority on that shit?!” he shouted. “Hmm? I ain’t married to you. We’re not together.”
I scoffed.
“I am trying, Ivy,” he stressed. “I’m trying, aight? I’m trying my best to balance my career, my life, and a life I didn’t get to choose. I am fucking trying here!”
It started as a sound of the baby stirring in his crib, the sound echoing around the kitchen through the baby monitor. A second later, Baby Love released a sharp cry, which made me close my eyes. It wasn’t only his crying that made me close my eyes. It was my attempt to keep the tears in.
My life hadn’t felt like my life in three months, and at the rate shit was going, it probably never would. Especially now that I’d slept with Leo, who I always felt was just a friend, but now I couldn’t place him.
I kissed my teeth, lifting my mug and bringing it to my lips to take a large gulp, knowing it would be cold by the time I made my way back downstairs to finish it.
As I pressed my hands onto the table to stand, Leo told me, “Nah, I got it.”
“It’s fine,” I spat.
“I said I got it,” he replied with a level of bass that made me sit my ass back in my seat.
We stared at each other for a moment, Baby Love crying in the background.
How could this have been the same man that made me feel all the good feelings that were humanly possible to feel at one time? Every time I recalled that night, my mind transported me back to that space and time, me coming beneath him for so long. An orgasm I thought would last forever.
“Just relax,” he said softly. “I’ll take care of him before I head out.”
He was out of the kitchen a second later, making his way up the stairs to Baby Love.
I shook my head to myself, dropping my forehead into my hand next.
Would we ever talk about it? Was it him going out or was it him going out to see Vanessa that bothered me? Why did I care? That night he and I shared should’ve been nothing, but then again, I don’t know how to hook up, so I’m pretty sure I didn’t do it right. Because I don’t think I should be feeling this way.
I dropped my head back between my shoulders, only lifting it again when I heard Leo’s voice through the baby monitor.
