Page 56 of Raising Love
I lay in bed, my eyes focused on the smooth white ceiling overhead. It had to be after midnight because I’d gotten home after ten that night. A game in the city had ended with a win. I was invited out to celebrate with a few of the players on my team, but I just didn’t feel like it.
Ivy and I had gone back and forth a few nights ago, which led to her sending me a text suggesting we take shifts caring for Baby Love whenever he woke up during the night.
I inhaled the deepest breath and released it hard through my mouth when I read her text. This was the shit I didn’t like about her. Everything had to be so damn particular. Shifts? For what?
But on the other hand, I couldn’t blame her as much. Shit had been tense since we hooked up in my room. I still couldn’t bring myself to talk to her about it. There were so many factors a conversation about it could affect. Sex is one of those things that will have a woman acting weird, especially with a man like me who’s not into all that committed shit. Not right now in my life. Plus, I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. She wasn’t my best friend, but Ivy was a really good friend. And she was also a woman who likely could get all caught up over a hookup.
I didn’t know, though. I barely saw Ivy with other men to gauge how she behaved in relationships, and I never really heard her complain about guys or anything like that. But regardless of what she had or hadn’t done, there was just too much uncertainty about her feelings.
I’d hate to approach her and be all like, Did you feel what I felt that night? The earth move in a way you’d never felt before? A connection that felt deeper than just some dick and pussy stuff?
Because, shit, I did. And it’s been fucking with me since because I have never felt anything like that in my young life.
Baby Love started stirring and slightly whining through the baby monitor on my side table. I peeked over at it, rising from my reclined position, my attention fixed on the device.
My teammate Jaleel suggested Ivy and I get the monitor to keep a closer ear on Baby Love. Said he’s had one for all of his children, especially his youngest—a girl who was almost two years old.
I listened in to see if Baby Love would go back to sleep, just as the baby nurse, Marta, had advised months ago. She’d warned against rushing to him at the first sound of noise, saying it would interfere with his ability to self-soothe.
His stirs and whines quickly transitioned to cries, and I was up on my feet a second later.
The fight I had with Ivy in the kitchen a few nights ago was one of the reasons I got out of bed. She’d looked exhausted when I walked in on her there. And I kind of felt bad about getting ready to go out when she revealed she hadn’t slept well because of Baby Love’s teething.
Kind of. Because the Simmons had given us an open invitation to watch Baby Love whenever we needed, but Ivy was being too prideful to ask for help—another thing I didn’t like about her.
I walked out of my room, shutting the door behind me, and made my way to the nursery.
When I got to the doorway, I stopped in my tracks. Ivy was already in the room, leaning over the crib to pick up Baby Love.
“Oh,” I said softly, my eyes shifting from her to the baby and back. “Is it not my night?”
She glanced at me, and I had to take a breath.
She was wearing a robe—the same one she had on a month or so ago when I first noticed how beautiful her legs were and how stunning she looked dressed down. Like that night, her hair was out, the ends wisping against her lower back. Her face was fresh and glowing, highlighting her caramel complexion.
“No, it’s not your night,” she said, turning her focus back to Baby Love and placing him over her shoulder to pat his back. “Yours is tomorrow.”
I nodded, unable to think of anything to say. Her natural beauty left me speechless in that instant. So, I decided to simply turn and leave.
“You can stay,” she said to my back, stopping me mid-step. “He needs a change and a bottle, and I forgot to leave a bottle in here.”
“Aight,” I said to the hallway. “I got it.”
Part of why I'd been steering clear of Ivy was because I couldn't pin down her real deal—she's usually all locked up, tough to crack. But that night we hooked up, man, she was all out there—stripped back, wide open, just pure and raw. I was talking my shit until I saw her come undone. Honestly, watching it was just... one of the greatest things I’ve ever witnessed. She was a whole vision, caught up and letting go, just for me.
And while I’d enjoyed myself and felt something bigger than a meaningless hookup, I wasn’t sure if Ivy felt the same. A part of me didn’t want to know what rejection would feel like or what it’d mean if the feelings weren’t mutual.
There, I said it.
I was down in the kitchen, mixing the bottle, and walking it back up to the nursery in no time.
Ivy stood at the baby’s changing table, moving like a pro as she removed one thing and wiped another. I knew she’d get the hang of all this before me. There wasn’t anything—whether brand new or something everyone else found hard to do—that she couldn’t figure out and master quickly. She was always 100% focused on whatever she was doing. Super detailed, which I just couldn’t relate to.
“Can you pass me another diaper?”
Her voice was steady, with no emotion I could pick up on. She spoke to me the way she always did, and honestly, it was kind of relieving. I really wanted to preserve our thing. Life had already turned everything upside down for both of us, but mostly for her.
She was on leave from the network she worked at, choosing to step back so she could figure out how to care for Baby Love. She didn’t want her career ambitions to get in the way of everything. Our lives were already unique enough.
