Page 61 of Raising Love
Leo looked good. He always looked good. Fashion—while he’d never admit it—was his ministry. Always dressed to impress, his style effortless, and lately, it had been having an effect on me that it had never had before. Not until we started having sex.
“Look,” I started, stepping closer. “You know I don’t do this.”
“Do what?” he asked, finally meeting my eyes.
“Have random ass sex with men who aren’t my man.”
He turned his head slightly to look at me, his brows pulling together.
“But I’ve had random sex with you.” I pointed at him, trying to keep my voice steady. “Not once, but twice. And after each time, I’ve wondered what us doing that meant for the long term.”
“You’re too much in your head,” he offered, turning to grab his coat from the armchair in his room. “It’s sex, Ivy. Just sex.”
My brows shot up.
“Nothing too serious, aight?” He chuckled nervously.
“Nothing too serious, but your ass has been avoiding me every time after?” I folded my arms over my chest. “Explain that to me.”
“Avoiding you?” He scoffed, laughing in disbelief. Still, his eyes wouldn’t meet mine. Instead, they focused on his coat in his hands and the Chelsea boots on his feet. “I’ve been traveling for away games or needing to go in for practice. I’ve been busy, not avoiding you.”
“Mm-hmm.” I pressed my tongue against the inside of my cheek. “So that’s why you’re struggling to meet my eyes right now?”
He blinked at the floor a couple of times, his lips tucking into his mouth.
“Leo, what is happening?” I asked, my voice unrecognizable to me. That question came out as a stuttered whisper. Because as I asked it, I could feel my heart begin to ache. “What’s going on right now?”
He swallowed hard, his gaze still glued to the floor.
“Before all this, we were friends,” I said. “Maybe not the best of friends, but shit, we had a friendship. But now…” I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head. “We are not us right now, and I need to know what we are.”
He shook his head, rubbing a hand along the back of his neck.
“You say it was just sex, but it didn’t feel like that, Leo.”
He pressed his lips together and closed his eyes, briefly letting his head drop back between his shoulders.
“I’ve had sex, and it’s never felt like that,” I admitted. “And even though sex with people I’m not with hasn’t happened before you and me, I don’t think it’s supposed to feel like this after.”
“Ivy—”
“Because how can I feel really good while I’m doing that with you, but really horrible when we’re done?”
“Listen.” He shook his head, scratching the back of it. “I can’t do this with you right now. I don’t do this emotional shit…” He took a sharp breath. “I got somewhere I gotta be.”
“So, you didn’t feel anything?” I asked, my voice lowering even further. A part of me didn’t want to hear the truth, but another part of me needed it.
“The two times we were together… you didn’t feel anything deeper than just sex, Leo?”
“It was just a moment of weakness, aight?” he said over me, his chest rising and falling rapidly. “It… it didn’t mean anything of significance for me.”
I jerked my head back. “Wow.”
“I’m not saying that to hurt your feelings, Ivy,” he said quickly, his tone defensive. “I’m just keeping it real. You know me. You of all people know me.”
I shook my head slowly, my eyes still stuck on him.
“I’m late,” he said, gesturing at his door behind me. “I gotta get going.”
