Page 65 of Raising Love
“It wasn’t on purpose,” I said. “I just…” I dropped my head and inhaled a breath, pinching the inner corners of my eyes.
“You just what?”
“I don’t want to hurt her or break her heart because of my own hangups over commitment. And Ivy’s the type to want shit— I mean, stuff like that—and I just, I’m not for that.”
“But you're fine with sleeping with that girl and then, from what it sounds like, acting like a damn jerk afterward,” she snapped, sucking her teeth. “Dammit, Leo, I didn't raise you to behave like this.”
“I know.”
“You have to fix it.”
“I am.” I nodded. “That’s why I told her I would move out.”
“You told her what?!”
I’d knocked on Ivy’s door, waiting for a response. I hadn’t seen her since the night before when she left my room and entered hers, locking her door.
I felt terrible after seeing those tears slide from her eyes.
Terrible enough to call Vanessa and let her know I couldn’t make it out to Manhattan. I’d tried at least five times that night to get Ivy to open her door. Knocking, then resorting to sitting outside of it with my back to the door. But she never opened the door.
After sitting outside her door for an hour, I returned to my room, changed out of my clothes and into something comfortable, and spent the rest of the night in Baby Love’s nursery, watching him sleep.
I never thought it would be possible to find comfort around him, but there was something about him that made me feel right. Good.
I cared for the baby and wanted the best for him. He deserved to grow up in an environment his parents would have created for him—calm, serene, healthy. This shit with Ivy and me was simply not heading in that direction. Not after our back and forth.
“Come in,” Ivy said when I knocked again.
I turned the knob and stepped in, finding her at her work desk, setting up her tripod.
Since becoming a guardian, she hadn’t gone into the city for work. They’d offered her a column, and she’d been uploading sports commentary to her YouTube channel, which had been growing. She was finding her way in this situation we didn’t expect to find ourselves in with Baby Love, and it was really inspiring.
I didn’t want to be the person to ruin the new life she was building.
“How are you?” I asked, closing her room door.
She peeked over at me before turning her attention back to what she was doing. “What do you want, Leo?”
She was dressed down, a look she’s become accustomed to since moving to Greene Gardens. Before moving here and having to care for a baby, Ivy used to be glammed up 24 hours a day. Hair smoothed to the top of her head, face covered in the most expensive foundation and lipstick money could buy. Clothing always perfect. But lately, her hair had been up in messy buns, her attire simple tees over leggings that, even though covered her up, showed off the beautiful shape of her legs.
That was the thing—to me, Ivy had been her most beautiful since living out here. She was perfect before moving out here, but these days, she was absolutely ethereal to me. And I didn’t want the stress between us to change her any further, or for the worse.
“I’m gonna move out.”
Her hand stopped twisting the bottom piece of the tripod for a beat before she was back at it.
“Things are clearly getting weird between us.” I cleared my throat. “And I feel like shit for making you cry last night.”
She shook her head, her attention still not on me.
“We can speak with the estate lawyer and see how we can split guardianship while living in separate locations.”
From the side, I could see her balling her lips then releasing them to tuck into her mouth.
“I just feel like maybe we need some space between us?—”
“Whatever, Leo,” she said, turning to look at me, her eyes slightly red-rimmed. “Sure.” She nodded. “Moving out sounds like the best thing right now. So, let’s do it. Can you leave now?”
