Page 13 of Hurt to Love
The next few stables held smaller horses, and they trotted forward quietly to come and see me, to find out why I was there and maybe get a bit of fuss. I gave them each a pat on their nose and made my way to the last stable.
Inside the last stall was a dapple grey horse lying on its side. And there, with the horse’s head nestled on her lap, sat Wednesday.
She didn’t look up at first. She was so engrossed in stroking the horse’s mane and neck. The expression on her face was one of pure joy and contentment. I could see she was at peace here, with these animals. They didn’t expect anything other than companionship from her, and in turn, they gave her warmth and love. They were her escape, her little bit of heaven in a world that had shrouded her in hell. I almost didn’t want to break the spell and pull her out of her reverie, but some things just couldn’t wait.
This wasmy favourite part of the day. Dusk had settled, and the stars were coming out to decorate the night sky. The horses were all safely secured inside the barn for the night, shuffling around and snorting quietly as they found their peace. It had started to get chillier at night, so I found the warmth of Blaize-the dapple grey I shared my living quarters with-to be a welcome comfort. I loved being in this barn. In fact, I preferred it to the main house. No one bothered me here, and these horses? They were my best friends. A little ray of sunshine in this godforsaken place.
The brothers had me chained to the floor, but the chain had some length to it, so I was able to visit with some of the other horses too. They accepted me as one of their own. I felt more akin to them than I ever did to any of the humans I’d encountered over the last eight months. Sometimes, late at night, I’d fantasise about breaking free and taking off on the back of my sturdy, beloved Blaize, racing through the fields at the back and escaping this nightmare forever. We’d find an abandoned old cottage and make a simple life for ourselves. No humans would bother us; we’d live quite happily off the land. Not the usual fantasy of a twenty-two-year-old, I know, but then I didn’t live the life of a normal twenty-two-year-old, did I?
Blaize lay on the ground with his head in my lap. I found that stroking his mane and feeling his warmth helped to soothe me and focus my attention away from any dangers the night may bring. I was so lost in the moment, I didn’t even notice him standing there. I never even heard him come in. Why was he here again? Why did he have to ruin this one magical thing I had? Wasn’t it bad enough that he’d dangled a hopeless carrot in my face the other night? Had he made it his life’s work to torment me further?
I glanced up at him, but I didn’t move or flinch. I was used to keeping myself guarded. He took a deep breath and swallowed, as if he was fighting down some fake emotions. I didn’t need his pity. I didn’t need anything from him.
His fists balled at his sides and he took another tentative step forward then bent down so he was crouching in front of me.
“May I?” he asked, nodding to Blaize then reaching out his hand to pat his body. I was thankful he chose that part of the horse to stroke and didn’t try to touch his head, or come any closer to me.
“He’s a beauty. What’s his name?”
Nice try, but again, I wasn’t that gullible. I had no intention of speaking to this man. Ever.
He sighed and ran his hand over his shadowed jaw then pierced me with his stare.
“Do you remember me? From the other night?”
I nodded. How could I forget? He was a pretty stubborn and ‘in your face’ kind of guy.
“I know you have no reason to trust me, and I totally understand why you’re probably feeling all kinds of freaked out right now. But you need to listen to me. You need to leave.”
Here we go again. Saint Cillian and his army of one were here to save me. Hadn’t he learnt anything from the last time? Nothing was that easy. I huffed and rolled my eyes, then continued my soothing strokes down Blaize’s neck.
“I’m serious. You have minutes before they come and get you. Trust me when I say, what they have planned for you tonight isn’t pretty.”
What they had planned for me most nights wasn’t pretty. Who was he trying to kid?
“There’s a party up at the house.” He nodded towards the door. “You are minutes away from putting on their star performance. I think we both know that won’t be a tap dance or a medley of Barbra Streisand’s greatest hits.”
I balked at his futile attempt at humour, but then my body jolted in fear and the realisation of what he’d actually said. I knew what their parties entailed. I’d been aperformerat them before. But I’d never been their star turn. My stomach dropped out of me as I thought about the last time I’d had to stay and watch. I knew without a doubt that if I had to go through that, in front of a room full of men, I wouldn’t come back from it. The last girl hadn’t.
My breaths started to come short and sharp, and my hands fisted in Blaize’s mane. He snorted and shifted off my lap at my heavy handedness. With a disgruntled shudder, he stood and moved farther into the stable and away from me. Even my cherished horse was turning his back on me.
“Calm down, Wednesday. Just breathe.” Cill had leant forward and was holding onto my hand that lay limp in my lap. I looked down at the contact and snatched my hand away. He couldn’t touch me. No one had a right to touch me.
“I’m sorry.” He held his hands up in surrender. “I just wanted you to calm down. It’s going to be okay. What do you think I came here for tonight? To sample their fucked up hospitality? Fuck no. I came here for you.”
I blinked up at him, confusion masking my fear. What the hell did he mean, he came here for me? Was he expecting to steal me away? Take me for himself? He’d been at that club the other night, and I wasn’t stupid. I knew what type of things he liked to get up to in his spare time. He was no better than the brothers; he just liked to think he was.
“I won’t hurt you. I would never hurt you.” His eyes were so sincere, but I didn’t believe a word of it. Words held power, I knew that. Right now, he was using his words to trick me. He was embroiled in their world, after all. How could I trust a man like him?
“What can I do to show you that you can trust me?”
As always, he seemed to read my mind. He knew what I was saying without my speaking a word. He stood up and reached into his pockets, pulling out his mobile phone, wallet, keys, and a few other personal items.
“If it makes you feel any better, you can hold on to all of this. My car and house keys, phone, money; it’s all yours.” He looked desperate and kept glancing over his shoulder at the door. Time was running out.
“Fuck, come on. Why would I do this if it wasn’t to help you? Do you think I want to get on the Contis’ shit list?”
He had a point. If the Contis found out what he was doing, he’d probably join me in the star turn, and it wouldn’t go well for him either.
