Page 35 of Hurt to Love
Our first kiss, and I was feigning sleep. My first kiss from him and yet I’d stolen a thousand kisses in my dreams before tonight. Those soul-binding, heart-wrenching kisses that’d already passed between us with every secret, wistful glance I gave him, and every brush of our skin. Each and every fragile moment had chained us together in a way no physical connection ever could. I was always his, from the moment he walked into the debauched den of a seedy sex club and found me hidden in the shadows. He claimed me as his and I willingly accepted. How could I not? Fate was a persistent motherfucker and I wasn’t in a position to argue, I didn’t want to. Why would you fight the light when you’re drowning in the darkness?
He stayed with his forehead touching mine, our breath mingling together for what felt like forever. I wanted to open my eyes, kiss him back, do anything but lie there. But I didn’t. When he eventually broke contact, I felt him rise from the bed.
He must’ve gone to the corner of the room where Xena slept, as I heard him mutter, “You’re a good dog. Watch over my girl tonight. Make sure she has sweet dreams.” Then with a rustle and a click of the door, he was gone, taking my whole heart with him.
I sleptlike a baby that night, revelling in dreams of warm arms, gentle heart beats, and stolen kisses. When I woke, I could hear the gentle hum of the radio and Cill’s out of tune singing over the top of it. I couldn’t keep the smile from spreading across my face. The feeling of contentment that his presence brought was like a tidal wave washing over me. He made it feel like I could conquer every day. Nothing was too much with him around.
I put on a simple, flowery sundress and headed downstairs, eager to see what he’d cooked up for us, yearning to be in his presence again. When I got there, I stopped dead in my tracks. Cill had his back to me and was dancing around as he shuffled the frying pan, singing along to LMFAO’sI’m Sexy and I Know It. I could tell from the confident way he wiggled his hips he thought the song had been written about him. At any other time, I’d have laughed, but the only reaction I had in that moment was freezing cold, icy chills running down my spine. You see, it wasn’t Cill’s questionable dance moves that made me stop in my tracks. Oh no. It was the sight of Vee leaning up against the island and running her gaze up and down his body like she was a starving woman and he was the hot dish on her menu. If I’d looked closer, I’d have probably seen her drooling as she leered at him.
I cleared my throat and she jumped, turning to face me.
“Oh, I was just…” She looked around her for some excuse as to why she was standing there ogling him, but when she couldn’t think of one she just shrugged.
Cill turned to face me, oblivious to Vee’s presence, and with the frying pan still in his hand, he sang a little louder. As if I needed reminding that he was sexy and he knew it. He slipped the pancake from the pan to a plate and smirked.
“Sorry, did my awesome singing wake you up, sleepyhead?” He winked and slid the plate across to me. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”
I looked down at the plate to find a pancake in the shape of a heart. I didn’t even know what day it was. My cheeks flushed and I suddenly felt nervous and embarrassed. How was I supposed to react to this? I had no idea.
“Oh, for God’s sake.” Vee huffed. “If a hot guy cooked me heart-shaped pancakes, I’d do more than blush and stare off into space.”
“Shut up,” Cill spat, instantly turning from fun-loving ass wiggler to pissed off alpha in a nanosecond.
“I’m just saying, you’re making an awful lot of effort for nothing-”
He didn’t let Vee finish. He pointed his spatula at her and said through gritted teeth, “You need to keep your nose out of things that don’t concern you. If I want to cook her heart-shaped pancakes for the rest of the year, I bloody well will.”
“And you deserve better.” She folded her arms across her chest and gave me a harsh stare before turning to smirk at him. “You do everything for her, and what do you get in return? Jack shit. You need to face facts…” She pointed a finger at me as she spoke. “She isn’t right in the head. She shouldn’t be here.”
I felt a rage brewing inside me like an uncontrollable storm, ready to destroy anything in its path. I wanted to launch myself across the island and drag her out by her hair. How dare she claim to know anything about me? About us. She was the one who didn’t belong here, not me.
“She’s exactly where she belongs,” Cill bit back. “You need to butt out and do your job. Do you remember when I asked for your opinion? No, me neither.” He cocked his eyebrow at her and she puffed out a breath of displeasure. I could tell by the way she bit her lip that she wasn’t finished. She still had a lot to say on the subject, but Cill shot her down.
“You know, I have way better things to do than argue with you. Like cutting my toenails whilst watching reruns ofThe Golden Girls.” He laughed to himself, then threw the spatula and the frying pan aggressively into the sink, “Actually, I used to really like that show. Sophia was always my favourite. The old lady had balls.” Then he shook his head and walked out of the room, brushing his hand across my back as he went.
I sat dumbstruck and unable to eat the pancake that was probably cold by now on my plate. My throat already felt like it was lined with sandpaper. I glanced up at Vee as she stood glaring back at me.
“Are you gonna eat that or sit looking at it?”
I smirked back at her as the image of her wearing the pancake over her smug-ass face came to mind. How I managed to hold myself back, I’ll never know.
“Whatever. Like I even care,” she snapped, flouncing off out of the kitchen and clicking her tongue at me.
* * *
I managedto avoid both of them for the rest of the morning, but I could hear Vee pottering around upstairs, making a lot of noise and probably doing very little. She’d decided to stay out of my way, which I was relieved about. I was growing tired of her snide comments and dreamy, wistful glances his way. Her being here made me feel uncomfortable, predatory almost. I wasn’t used to feeling like that, but I did. She brought out an ugly side to me. One I didn’t want him to see, despite all the other God awful glimpses into my life he’d had.
I headedupstairs to seek out Xena and get her ready for a beach walk, when I heard a crashing sound coming from Cill’s bedroom. My heart stopped beating and my body threw itself into panic mode, as if a g-force of fear was hurtling me back to my nightmare past. Were the brothers breaking in? Had they found me?
I don’t know why, but I didn’t run away. Instead, I headed straight for his room, ready to unleash my anger on whatever lay behind that door. I was sick and tired of living in fear, jumping out of my skin at every bump and creak I heard. I needed to be in control again.
I flung the door open with as much strength as I could muster, but what I saw totally threw me for six. I didn’t think my rage could grow any deeper, but it did. There, lying on Cill’s bed was Vee, wearing nothing but her black lacy bra and panties. Seductively sprawled out and ready for him. She certainly didn’t expect to see me barrelling through his door, and from the look on her face she was ready to tell me to fuck off, so she could finish what she so desperately wanted to start.
“No,” I whispered into the room, but it wasn’t enough. The pressure cooker that was my brain was ready to implode and I had to channel that energy, that negative, gut twisting energy somewhere else.
“No.” I shouted louder this time, and she smirked back at me.
“So you do talk.” She sat up on her knees and narrowed her gaze at me. “Now that we’ve established that you’re not as weak and innocent as you pretend to be, maybe you could give me and Cill the privacy we need.” She cocked her head to the side, like she hadn’t just shot an arrow through my fucking heart and started twirling her blonde hair between her fingers. “The man has needs, and that’s what I’m here for, seeing as you’re not up for the job.”
