Page 42 of Hurt to Love
I shuffled to the edge of my pillow to be closer to her. “I have five sisters too. Seven other people in my family and not one of them has bothered to come and find me in all these years.”
“Have you looked for them?” She put her hands under her cheeks as she spoke, like she was praying. She was so much my angel.
“Yeah, I did. Couldn’t trace them though. It shouldn’t have stopped them from finding me. I still live in the area where they dumped me. I guess I’m just not worth it.”
“You are worth it,” she shot back at me. “But they’re not. It’s their loss, Cill. Who wouldn’t want you in their lives? I don’t know what I’d do if you ever left mine.” We were heading into dangerous territory where my feelings were concerned.
“It’s a good job you’ll never have to find out then, isn’t it?” I looked into her eyes as she stared back at me, showing her how honest and true my words were. I wanted to kiss her in that moment. Lean across and cover her lips with mine, tasting her for the first time. But I didn’t want to scare her away. I was torn between considering my own feelings and hers. As always, her well-being won out.
“Try to get some sleep, princess. It’s been a long and kind of eventful day for you. It’s not every day you go toe to toe with naked housekeepers, talk for the first time in months, and then share a bed with a God-like specimen of man.”
“See, that’s what I love about you, Cill James. You’re so modest.”
My heart skipped a beat. She might not have meant it the way I took it, but… she loved me. I loved her too. I loved her more than any other person I’d ever met, and all I wanted to do was shout it from the rooftops.
In that moment, I didn’t stop to think about the consequences. I reached across and put my arm around her waist and pulled her into me. She didn’t resist me, thank God. So I kissed the top of her head and wrapped my arms around her like I’d wanted to in all these months.
“Sleep,” I ordered, breathing her in. She sighed and rested her head onto my chest and I felt her eyelashes flutter against my skin, sending a ripple of goosebumps over my whole body.
* * *
Paige
He told me to sleep, but how could I? When I was lying in his arms, I felt like my heart might burst at any minute. I closed my eyes so I could breathe him in, focus my senses on everything about him. His smell, his touch, the warmth of his skin against mine. Hearing the steady beat of his heart made me feel settled. It was better than any music box. He was the anchor to which I would always be tethered. He was my lifeline.
I felt his breathing turn shallow and assumed he’d fallen asleep holding me. I couldn’t move away though. I didn’t want to risk falling asleep myself and missing even one second of being held by him. It was like a spell I never wanted to break. No dream would ever be as spine tingling and heart melting as my reality was right now.
I was wokenthe next morning with a gentle shuffle and nudge. The bed felt so cosy and warm, and I still had my head on Cill’s chest, but now my arm was rested on there too and my legs were wrapped around his middle. Shamelessly, I clung to him like a koala bear on a eucalyptus tree. I felt torn between staying where I was to enjoy the moment and prising myself away to maintain my dignity. Reluctantly, I chose the latter and lifted one leg up to manoeuvre myself away. I didn’t judge the distance very well though, and my leg brushed against his groin and felt exactly how stiff he had woken up. I froze and gave a small gasp. At the same time, I felt his muscles tense as he gave a sharp intake of breath.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered into the room. I swear my cheeks must’ve been the brightest shade of red.
“Don’t apologise.” He sighed. “That’s the most action I’ve had in a long time.”
Hearing him say that, I suddenly had the urge to brush him again. Only this time it wouldn’t be by accident. Then suddenly, a thought bulldozed into my brain like a wrecking ball of doom, obliterating any sexy or sensual thoughts I’d had. It reminded me that a woman with my baggage couldn’t truly satisfy a man like Cill. I’d met him in a certain club, after all. He obviously had needs I would struggle to fulfil. Was I chasing an unobtainable dream? Hoping for something that could never come true? I wasn’t the girl for him, was I? I wanted to be, but I’d had enough heartbreak to last me a lifetime. I didn’t need to add the most heart-wrenching rejection to the mix.
As if he sensed the change in my mood, he lifted himself up onto his elbows.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to shy away,” he said, looking like I’d just kicked his day-old puppy. “I don’t ever want to make you feel uncomfortable around me.”
“I don’t feel uncomfortable around you.” I sighed. “I’m uncomfortable with myself.”
And it was true. I was awkward and shy. I felt like I was new to living in this skin. Every day I faced fresh challenges, trying to carve a life for myself out of the charred wood and ashes I was left with. Now, I had a feeling I was going to be facing a whole new set of obstacles in the shape of a six foot, insanely handsome angel of a man.
“Would it be better if I left to shower and gave you some privacy?” This man was so on my level, it was as if he was attuned to my every thought and need.
“Mmm hmm,” was all I could manage in response, reverting back to my mute ways. The thought of him in the shower had rendered me hot, slightly sweaty, and utterly speechless. This man had turned me into a hormonal teenager these last few months. The old me would’ve balked at my lack of sophistication. Mind you, I’d never been around a man like Cill before. The boys I knew back at home were just as awkward and clumsy as me, and they definitely lacked any self-assuredness. Cill swam in the stuff. If being confident and self-assured were an Olympic sport, Cill would smash the gold medal every time. Me, I was just happy to be cheering him on in the stands.
“Let’s get this show on the road then.” He launched himself out of the bed with real purpose and strode towards the bedroom door. “I’ll shower in the bathroom down the hall. You can clean up in here. Take your time.” He winked then disappeared behind the door, leaving me bewildered and somewhat disappointed that he’d left.
* * *
Later that day,I found Cill sitting in the living room, poring over the laptop. As soon as he saw me, he slammed the lid shut. No prizes for guessing what he’d been doing. I’d Google me too if I was in his shoes. I desperately wanted to ask him what he’d found, but at the same time, I was apprehensive. Were there videos online of my parents splashed all over the national news? Sobbing and begging for information on my whereabouts and safe return. Would the images of them breaking their hearts hurt as much in reality as it did in my mind?
I plonked myself down next to him to find out. I needed answers.
“What did you find?” I said, nodding down to the laptop.
“Not much. They’ve disappeared. Completely gone off radar.” He answered way too quickly.
