Page 47 of Hurt to Love
“I’m not like them, Paige.”
“I know that,” I blurted out, desperate to steer the conversation away from those twisted brothers.
“I like sex.” He shrugged. “Okay, so sometimes I used to use clubs to get it. I thought it was the best way for me.” He ran the back of his hand down my cheek then pressed his forehead against mine.
“I’ve always struggled to… connect on a relationship kind of level with women. I haven’t wanted it if I’m totally honest.”
I felt sick, and I held my breath to prepare myself for what would come next.
“But then I met you, and now all I can think about is how connected I feel to you. How much I want to be with you. I don’t know what will happen in the coming months, years, or whatever. But you need to know, this isn’t a hook up for me. I’m in this for the long haul, Paige. Not for days or weeks, not even months. This is a forever kind of thing we’re building here. At least I hope it is?” He bent his head down slightly to look me in the eyes as he spoke, and I smiled and nodded back in agreement.
“I can’t deny, I do like to have a certain amount of control, but that’s something we can work on over time. Together.”
I was intrigued. “What do you mean, control?”
“Well…” I noticed his cheeks redden a touch, and then that wicked gleam in his eyes returned and he smirked right at me. “I want to make you happy, but I like to do it on my terms. I need that control.”
“So you’re bossy in the bedroom?”
“I’m bossy in every room, sweetheart.” I rolled my eyes and he chuckled.
“Let’s just say I’m a giver of pleasure. But I like to say when and how. I’ll always protect you, Paige. These hands of mine will never do anything to hurt you, but eventually, I will want to touch you whenever and wherever I want. Does the thought of that freak you out?”
In all honesty, it didn’t. I told him as much too. We’d spent enough time in each other’s company for me to be totally at ease with him. The idea that I could give myself up to him unequivocally wasn’t one that had me running for the hills. For all intents and purposes, I felt like I was almost there already.
“You will always come first for me.” He nestled back into my neck to whisper into my ear. “Eventually, when you’re one hundred percent into this… into us… I’ll have you begging to be spanked and fucked. But… baby steps, okay? We have forever to figure this out.”
I pushed myself against him, already liking the sound of his promises. Okay, maybe the spanking would take some getting used to, but like he said, he’d never hurt me, and I trusted him.
“I trust you,” I told him, and he squeezed my ass in response.
“That’s the most important thing to me. Trust and honesty.”
I couldn’t stop myself from launching onto him, kissing him with everything I had. This man had found me when I was lost, damaged, and hurting. Yet he never once belittled me, or took advantage of me. He didn’t bully me or make me feel anything less than a beautiful woman. He treasured me, and I loved him for it. I wasn’t stupid. I knew he was skirting around the issue. He wanted my submission; it’s what got him off. But he didn’t have to demand it, he’d earned it. He’d have it completely.
* * *
We spentthe rest of the morning being lazy in bed, enjoying the feeling of being so close, physically and mentally. Once our stomachs started to protest at the lack of food, we showered then headed downstairs to make lunch.
I watched Cill as he navigated his way around the kitchen like a pro, grabbing ingredients and lining up his utensils. I don’t know why, but I found his command in the kitchen beyond sexy. The way the muscles in his back flexed as he reached up high to open the cupboards above. The curve of his ass in his jeans as he bent down to get the cheese from the fridge. His biceps bulging from his T-shirt as he opened packets of bacon. Sounds ridiculous, I know, but this was like watching porn for me.
“Like what you see?” His voice dragged me from my hazy daydreaming and I blushed. Why did I have to keep doing that? Why couldn’t I just throw caution to the wind like Vee did and jump his bones? I hated that my inhibitions still held me back.
“Talk. You look like you’re about to bolt out that door.” He put everything down and stalked over to me.
“I just wish…” I let my head fall, and he reached under my chin and tilted my head back up so I was looking him dead in the eyes.
“You just wish…?”
I sighed on a hint of a smile. “I wish I had more confidence. I blush at everything. It’s stupid.”
His frown marked so deeply on his forehead, I swear he could’ve left a permanent line there.
“You are confident. And I like that you blush. It’s what makes you so special. Seeing you blush turns me on.”
“My weakness turns you on?” There. I’d said it. He did like a weak woman, didn’t he?
“It is not a weakness, and I don’t like weak women. You’re strong and smart, but never in a million years would I describe you as weak. You’re perfect. I love that you blush because it shows how honest and real you are. It also reminds me how much I can corrupt you.”
