Page 39 of Hurt to Love
“Don’t go acting the hero and jeopardizing your safety. Hers too. You need to stay put, now more than ever. No one knows where you are. We need to keep it that way.” He was right, but I was entitled to my dreams, which usually included me castrating them both with a blunt, rusty knife. The only thing that settled my rage was my fucked up revenge fantasies.
“No one is getting near her, not whilst there’s breath in my body.”
“Developing a bit of a crush there, are you, my friend? If I didn’t know better I’d say you were sweet on that little girl.” I knew Jackson was trying to lighten the mood. He could tell I’d gone allRamboandDie Hardon him.
“She’s not a little girl, and it’s none of your fucking business.”
“So that’s a yes then.” He chuckled to himself.Smart ass.
“Whatever, dude. If you find anything, ring the landline. You said Luca’s place was clean.”
“It is.”
“Cool. Oh, and Jax? Thanks again. You know I love you, brother, don’t you?” I couldn’t let him go without letting him know I wasn’t a totally ungrateful, salty-ass bitch.
“Save the soppy shit for Ryley.”
“You know you love it too,” I joked and said my goodbyes before hanging up.
I didn’t know whether to run and find Paige so we could talk some more, or find the nearest punching bag to pummel and get out some of my fury. Why did life want to royally fuck us over? One minute, I’m on cloud nine because my girl is finally talking. The next I find out her sadistic captors are on the loose and hiding out God knows where. The universe was playing a sick game on us, and I for one was done with its bullshit.
I didn’t knowwhat to do with myself. I felt all out of sorts. I always imagined a blanket of peace would descend over me when I finally broke the chains and started talking again, but all I felt was antsy and unsettled. I couldn’t help but notice Cill seemed rattled too. When we’d been on the beach, he stood taller and seemed to grow in confidence, if that were possible for a man who oozed the stuff. But now we were back at the house, and after taking himself off to make a few phone calls, he appeared more hesitant and unsure. One thing Cill never was was unsure.
“What’s wrong?” I tentatively asked him as he pottered around in the kitchen, making a pot of tea.
“Nothing. Why would anything be wrong?” He was a rubbish liar; his tense shoulders gave him away.
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that you look ready to punch a hole in the wall.”
He sighed and lowered his hunched shoulders.
“You don’t have to tiptoe around me,” I said, sitting taller in my chair so he would see I meant business. “I can cope with a lot more than you give me credit for.”
“I know how much you can cope with, I’ve seen it with my own eyes, remember?” he snapped, then spun to face me and ran his hands over his face with regret. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that. What I should’ve said was, you’re not weak. You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever known.”
I gave him a hint of a smile to let him know that what he’d said was appreciated, but he still wasn’t off the hook yet.
He couldn’t meet my eyes as he spoke. “I don’t want to worry you. Worrying is my job now.” He busied himself with the teapot and cups; it was a futile attempt at self-distraction.
“I need to know if there’s something going on,” I replied. “I think I’ve been kept in the dark long enough.”
He nodded and then brought the tea over and sat facing me to talk. After a few seconds of inner deliberations, he finally opened up to me about his chat to his friend back home, the one who’d helped me to escape. Apparently, the brothers were in hiding, a fact that filled me with the most crippling fear and dread. I knew that their going missing could only mean one thing; they had a plan and they didn’t want to get caught. They were onto me.
“They won’t get near you. They’ll never get near you ever again,” Cill said, to try and curb my overwhelming panic. I closed my eyes and remembered Angela’s advice and the breathing exercises she’d taught me to help control my anxiety. It had minimal effect this time, but it was something. A new tool in my ever-growing arsenal of coping mechanisms.
“If they want to hurt me, they will.” I looked down into my lap and noticed I was scratching at the skin on my hands. I hadn’t even realised I’d started doing it. All the counselling and months of recovery, and yet one word about those brothers sent me spiralling into meltdown.
“No. They won’t hurt you again. You’re under my protection, Paige. I’d take a bullet for you. You do know that, don’t you?”
I swallowed down the lump that’d formed in my throat at his words. The thought of him taking any bullet, knife, or even a punch for me was too much. I couldn’t bear it.
“I’d take one for you too,” I told him. “I’m not some weak little flower you need to protect. I am your equal.” He reached across to me to stop me from scratching and ran his hands over mine to soothe the sting. His touch did more than soothe my skin. It reached inside my very soul and stroked my heart, making me feel a prickle of warmth I’d never felt before.
“Maybe I didn’t make myself clear. I’m sorry. Yes, you are my equal. You’re a damn sight braver than me in fact.” He squeezed my hands as he spoke, and I let out the breath I’d been holding in in reaction to our contact. “I just want to do what I can to protect you. You can understand that, can’t you?”
“I suppose.” I nodded. “But you’ve done so much for me already. I feel like it’s my turn to step up now and take the reins. I want to be a fixer too.”
He chuckled to himself. “What is it with the women in my life trying to be more bad-ass than us men? I swear to God, I’m surrounded by alpha females. You’d get on well with Ryley, and Luca’s wife, Chloe. I reckon you three could giveCharlie’s Angelsa run for their money.”
