Page 29 of The Reaper
I shook my head in protest. “It’s not the same. She’s not my––”
“Don’t bullshit us. We saw what happened. I saw the look on your face when that guy went near her. I saw the way you held her too. You might not be ready to admit it, but that girl in there? She means something to you. Don’t fuck it up, she looks like a good girl. Another Liv, maybe, if you’re lucky. She could be the best thing that ever happens to you.”
I didn’t do wishful thinking. I did reality, truths, and bare facts.
“She isn’t mine. She’s just a girl that needs protecting. And anyway, she’s Father Johnson’s daughter. Why would I go there?”
“Why the fuck not?” Colton gave one of his evil cackles. “Repressed church girl? Daddy’s little princess? Just think of all the fun you could have smashing those… barriers down.”
He winked, and I lurched forward, but Adam held me back and said, “It doesn’t matter whose daughter she is. This is obviously fucking with his head. You making jokes and innuendos isn’t helping, Colton.” He took his phone out of his pocket and swiped the screen to life. “Olivia is taking her home. So, that’s one problem taken care of.”
The caveman that’d set up home in my brain suddenly reared back to life.
“What do you mean she’s taking her home? I haven’t fucking spoken to her yet.”
“I thought you didn’t care?” Colton smirked. “She isn’t yours.”
Usually, I could take Colton’s crap, but not today. “Say one more fucking word…”
“Do not go chasing after her,” Adam spoke up, pre-empting my own thoughts and actions.
“Says the guy who spent months stalking a girl into becoming his wife,” Colton joked, but he was treading a very thin line.
Adam ignored him and stood in front of me, and in a firm voice he said, “Go upstairs. Take a fucking minute and try to remember the advice you gave me a few months ago. She’s probably scared right now. Vulnerable maybe. Olivia will talk to her on the drive home, it’s what she does. She’ll make sure she’s okay. Then tomorrow, or the next day, you sort it out. Whatever the fuckitis.”
Adam was right, and if I was giving myself advice, that’s exactly what I would say. When I was sane, in my right mind, and thinking straight.
I needed to give myself space too, not just her.
The reactions I was having weren’t normal for me, especially since I’d only just met this girl. Nothing made sense anymore. My brain felt like it’d been rewired and didn’t work properly. It was misfiring all over the damn place. I needed to get a grip, get myself back on track and start behaving like the leader I knew I was. A soldier dedicated to the cause. Not a weak ass who acted out at the slightest thing.
Those blinkers and my walls needed reinforcing, and quickly. The little raven needed to be set free, and so did I. She was too fragile for my world, and I was too brutal for hers.
ChapterTwelve
LEAH MAY
‘There is freedom waiting for you, on the breezes of the sky. And you ask, “What if I fall?” Oh, but my darling, “What if you fly”
~ Erin Hanson
Earlier today, I’d sat on my bed staring at the poster that was stuck to my wall with that quote on it. A poster that hung above the ornate birdcage that housed all my origami ravens. The same poster my mum gave me when I was twelve years old to remind me not to overthink so much, to try and be brave. My mum was the only person I’d ever really spoken to about the self-doubt that plagued me. She knew about the damning voices in my head, and before she died, they’d gotten better, less invasive. But now, I’d just learned to live with them.
But more recently, I’d noticed they didn’t sound so loud when he was around. Sitting in a taxi with him, standing in the street, even on my doorstep, the voices had quietened. Probably because they were drowned out by every other sense that was on high alert when I was near him, but it was a win. I’d take it. Previously, I’d used my instruments to give me peace. But I liked that I got actual silent, solitary serenity from Devon. That’s what spurred me on to take another leap of faith.
I’d always wondered what The Sanctuary would be like inside. Always felt tempted to take a step into the unknown, but something had always held me back. Probably the thought of all the people in there, crowds surrounding him, wanting his attention. I didn’t really like crowds. I preferred to watch from afar, when he was alone or with others that he could be himself around. This Saturday had been different. After our last few interactions, I found myself wanting to know more about him. I wanted to know everything. I craved it.
So, I’d ignored the voices that told me,
It isn’t the place for you.
You’ll make yourself look like a fool.
What makes you think he’ll even notice you in a room full of beautiful people.
And I put on my favourite little black dress, curled my hair and applied light makeup. Soon enough, I’d managed to turn the voices to,
You look so different.
