Page 57 of The Reaper
I could feel the fury bubbling up inside me at her words. ‘It was awful’ played over and over in my head as my rage began to take form.
“Who hurt you?” I said through gritted teeth.
She turned to look at me and the sadness in her eyes damn near broke me.
“No one hurt me. I made a mistake.”
I took her hand in mine to try and show her I was here, I was listening. She hadn’t done anything wrong.
“You’re crying and I’ve never seen you this upset. You’re obviously thinking about what someone did to you. I need to know, Leah.”
She squeezed my hand, but her shoulders sagged with regret.
“I’m crying because I’m pissed at myself. I never thought you’d notice me. I didn’t think it would ever come to this. And now it has, I feel… disappointed… in myself, that is.”
“Talk to me. There’s nothing you can say that’ll make me think any less of you. That’s a promise Iwillmake, and I’ll keep it.”
She sighed, twisting and scrunching her tissue in her fingers nervously as she began to talk to me softly, sadly. With words that I knew were about to break my heart.
“I was nineteen, and there was this church club outing, a camping trip. Eight teenagers stuck in the woods with shitty tents and marshmallows to toast while we sang around the campfire. Or at least, that’s what my dad thought it was.
“One of the girls had brought wine and beer with her and we all figured, why not? There was fuck all else to do and the peer pressure got to all of us. To cut a long story short, I got drunk. This guy had been paying me attention and no one ever did that. My dad always scared guys away, so when this guy started to talk to me, I felt… flattered.”
“And he took advantage. He hurt you. Tell me who he is, Leah, because I’m going to fucking kill him.”
“No. He didn’t take advantage. We were both drunk. I let him come into my tent, one thing led to another and…fuck. I hate that I’m telling you this. I lost my virginity in a fucking tent in the middle of Trowley Bridge Woods to a guy who didn’t even remember my name the next morning.” She put her head in her hands to avoid looking at me. “I feel utterly mortified. It should’ve been you.”
I was angry.
I was beyond pissed off.
But not because she wasn’t a virgin. No. I wanted to rip that guy’s head off for using her like that. He’d had someone as bloody amazing as her right there, and he’d treated her like she was nothing. Not even remembering her name. Well, I’d find out his, and I’d make him pay.
“I made a mistake,” she whispered, like she felt ashamed, and it hurt me to think that she thought badly of herself for something like this.
“No, you didn’t,” I stated. “He made a mistake, treating you like that and then letting you slip through his fingers. I made a mistake by not noticing what was right under my fucking nose all this time. But you? You did nothing wrong, Leah. I wish it had been me. And I’m sorry he treated you so fucking shitty the next morning. But just know, we’re not all like that. I’m not like that.”
She huffed a gentle laugh, and I saw the hint of a smile on her face that she tried to hide from me.
“I know you’re not. That’s why I have all this regret eating me up inside.”
“Well, that stops right now. No more regrets. Yes, I wish it had been me. But, Leah, I’ve been no angel in the past either. There’s regret on both sides. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and it helps no one. All it does is give you more excuses to beat yourself up.” I put my finger under her chin and turned her face to look at me. “If I could go back and change things, I’d notice you sooner. You’d be my first too. But we can’t do that. I seem to remember a very wise woman telling me not so long ago that we can’t change the past, we can only right the wrongs. Well, this here, us, it’s our way of righting the wrongs. As far as I’m concerned, you are my first. The first girl who’s ever made me feel like this. The first girl who’s shown me that I can be a better man, for her. You’re the first girl I’ve ever opened up to, and I want you to be the last. I hope you feel the same.”
“I do.” More tears began to fall, and I leaned forward, kissing her cheek and kissing them away.
“Forget what happened,” I told her, pulling away to stare into her eyes. “This is a fresh start. Our story. It begins right here with us. Nobody else matters. The past doesn’t matter. Damn, Leah, you know me better than my own family. You’ve seen me in ways no one else ever has, even my brothers. If that isn’t the best start, the best first for both of us, then I don’t know what is.”
“You’re right. I love that. A clean slate.” She sniffed and nodded.
“A new beginning,” I said, shuffling closer to her.
“Just me and you.”
“No one else matters.” I wrapped my arm around her to pull her against me.
“No, they don’t.” She smiled, her hand coming up to stroke my cheek, and I turned to kiss the palm.
“I have to ask one question, though.” I knew I had to get this last worry off my chest. “I promise that after this, I’ll never mention that night ever again.”
