“And just think of all the awesome people you do have in your life,” I went on, trying to lift her mood. “Mummy, Grandma, Uncle Toby.”
“You know my Uncle Toby?” she asked animatedly as she sat up in the bed I was trying to get her to lie in.
“I do.”
“He’s funny.” She giggled to herself.
“He is,” I agreed, despite not knowing the guy. “And you have me.”
“I don’t have a daddy, but I have a Tyler,” she said, and if I could have given her the world in that moment, I would have.
“Always.” I smiled and reached across the bed to plump her pillow. And that’s when I saw it. The key I’d given her during the robbery, hidden underneath. I picked it up and held it in my hand. “Do you sleep with this under your pillow every night?” I asked.
Ava’s eyes went wide. “Do I have to give it back?”
“Of course not. But you know you’re safe now, right? Nothing bad is going to happen to you.”
She sighed and I sat and waited for her to open up to me.
“Sometimes,” she said quietly. “I have bad dreams. Or I just think of them, in my head, the bad men, and I get scared they’ll come back.”
“They won’t. I promise you.”
“But my head still makes them appear. I don’t want them there, they just come.”
“And that’s why you use the key?”
“Exactly.” She nodded to herself like it all made sense. And in her three-year-old mind, it did. It was a distraction. And maybe, one day, that distraction wouldn’t be needed anymore. Or perhaps she’d need to talk to someone to help her get over it. Either way, I was going to be here for her. For both of them.
I placed the key back under her pillow to put her mind at rest,and told her, “Next time I come over, I’ll bring you something to keep the key in. Something I think you’re gonna love.”
“A present?” she asked, her eyes sparkling.
“Kind of. It’s special.”
Her face lit up as she snuggled under her duvet.
I bent down and kissed her head.
“Goodnight, princess.”
“Night night, Tyler.”
I turned the lamp off beside her bed, but she said, “I have a night light down there. Can you put it on? I can’t sleep without it.”
“Of course, princess,” I told her, leaning down to switch it on. Then I crept slowly out of her room. But as I opened the door, I heard her whisper, “I liked pretending you were my daddy today.” And I felt my heart break in two.
I turned to look at her, but she’d already rolled over and was going to sleep.
“Me too,” I whispered as quietly as I could. “Me too.”
Chapter Twenty-One
JESS
Icouldn’t help it. I had to follow him upstairs, without him knowing, of course, just so I could be a part of it.
I didn’t stand outside Ava’s bedroom and listen to them because I didn’t trust him.