Page 74 of The Thief
Liv bit her lip and nodded in understanding. “You like this girl, Jess, don’t you? You like her a lot.”
I let my head fall back as I blew out a breath. “Yep.”
“But that’s good,” Liv went on. “You’ve found someone. So why does it look like your worlds about to end?”
I closed my eyes, not sure if I wanted to divulge any more than I already had. I wasn’t the best at opening up. Not like this.
“Because...” I spoke slowly, considering my words carefully. “She has a kid, and that changes everything.”
“I get that,” Liv said. “But why is that a negative?”
“It isn’t. It just changes the game. I’m playing in a different ballpark to the rest of you right now.” I took a moment, then added, “I’d do anything for any one of you. You’ve been my family for years. I don’t know what I’d do without you. But over the years, I’ve seen how bringing partners into the group can change things. But for me, I can’t do that, and it scares me.”
“Why?” Liv asked.
Another pause to compose myself, then I did it. Jumped off the proverbial cliff.
“Because lately, I feel like...” I said the next part quietly, feeling a level of shame in my admission. “I don’t want to be here.”
I swallowed, waiting to see what they’d say, but neither of them spoke.
“Don’t get me wrong,” I went on. “I don’t want to bail. But when I’m not with Jess, I miss her. I think about her all the time. I worry if she’s okay. I mean, what if she needs me and I can’t get to her fast enough? It’s like there’s a pressure in my heart. A responsibility I’ve never had before, and it’s heavy, it’s so fucking heavy. I know all the shit from tracking these guys down has heightened everything, but... I don’t know. Maybe, I’d feel like this regardless. I want to be there for her, for both of them, and I can’t do that when I’m needed here. I just feel... torn.”
Liv reached over to put a comforting hand on my knee and said, “Tyler, everything you’ve said is totally natural. It’s understandable.”
I let out a breath and nodded. Feeling relief at being able to say the things that had started to plague me. Things I didn’t feel I could say to the others.
“I don’t want to let anyone down,” I replied, and they both shook their heads, gasping, “No,” and, “You never would.”
“I have a responsibility here,” I added. “But when I am here... I just want to go back to her.”
Liv glanced at Leah May, and Leah nodded with some unspoken agreement passing between them. Then Liv took a breath and spoke.
“I’m going to tell you something now. Something I probably shouldn’t, but I think, in this situation, I’ll be forgiven for breaking my promise.”
I went to speak, but she held her hand up to stop me.
“We wanted to tell you when you were all together, although Leah already knows,” Liv went on. “But I think this is something that might help you, help you make sense of everything that’s going on in your head.” She paused, then said, “Adam and I are gonna have a baby.”
I jolted forward in my seat then turned to look at her as she beamed at me.
“Oh my God. Liv. That’s amazing. Congratulations.” I reached for her, giving her a hug as we sat beside each other on the sofa.
“Thanks, and please don’t tell anyone else yet. I’ll let Adam know you know. We wanted to get everyone together to announce it. But... the reason I’m telling you now is because... things are changing. We’re all changing. Me and Adam have spoken about what we want to do when the baby gets here, and we’ve started looking at houses. Houses that aren’t in BrintonManor.”
She stopped for a second to gauge my reaction. When I gave none, she carried on.
“We want a fresh start. Somewhere we can bring the baby up so he or she can play in the garden, ride their bike outside, go to the park, and I, well,wedon’t feel like we’d get that here.
“Adam said he’ll always be a soldier, one of you, that’ll never change. You’re his brothers. But the way our lives are now, that will change. It has to. Can you imagine trying to raise a baby here, in the club, with all the noise and constant comings and goings? Not to mention the stairs. I’m not lifting a pram up three flights of stairs every day if I can help it.” She smirked, then with a little more seriousness, she said, “What I’m trying to say is, us all living here, working together, being this unit, it won’t always be like this. Things are changing. So don’t base your decision on whether you want to be with Jess on how things are here, because in a years’ time, some of us may have already moved out.”
“It’s not a decision about whether I want to be with her,” I replied. “Because I do. But I can’t be with her here.”
“Then make your own life. You’ll always have a place here, but that circle, the family roots, they’re changing. You have to follow your heart, Tyler.”
“Me and Devon have talked about moving closer to my dad,” Leah May chimed in. “He’s getting older, and he’s not been doing so well lately. And one day, maybe...” She smiled to herself. “We might be in the same position that Liv and Adam are in now.” She kept smiling, a haze to her eyes as she thought about what she’d said. Then she added, “Devon will always be there for all of you guys, but Liv is right. Things are changing.”
“You’ll always be the soldiers of Brinton Manor,” Liv announced. “And this club will always be your home. But you don’t have to live here for that to be true. Some bonds never die. Yours will never die. You’re brothers for life, wherever in the world you might find yourself.”
