Page 77 of Firethorne
The hold he had on me, on my hair as he pulled it a little tighter didn’t ease up, but his voice was different when he whispered back, “Do you think it’s different for me? Because it’s not. It’s exactly the same. You’re all I have, Maya. All I think about. All I want.”
“You have a family.” I sighed, feeling the swell of tears I didn’t want to shed gather in my eyes.
“I have people who share my last name. A name I despise. I have colleagues with a common goal. But the only thing that gets me out of bed every day, that spurs me on, that ignites anything inside me, is you. I wasn’t fucking joking when I said I have a cold, black heart underneath it all. How else do you think I’ve survived in that house and that family for this long? But with you, everything is different. My life has gone from shades of grey to screaming colour. Do you really think I’m going to let that go? Let you walk away from me and take any chance I have at living a normal life with you? Because I won’t. I can’t.”
I blinked, the tears falling down my cheeks now, and I tried to hide them as I whispered, “Why me?”
“Because it is you,” he replied. “Why is the sky blue? Why do we need air to breathe? Why did it feel like I’d been hit by a train the minute I walked into the foyer of the house and saw you for the first time that night?
“I tried to hide it. I played the role of the bastard perfectly, like I always do. But I could barely breathe. I had to walk away and leave you with Lysander, all the time knowing how wrong it felt. Because I wanted you to be mine. You were mine. And yet, I knew why you were here. I wanted to scream it from the rooftops and run away with you. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t jeopardise our whole operation. It’s been my life’s work to bring this evil trafficking ring down. But you? You’re my reason for everything now. Tell me, Maya,” he begged. “Tell me you feel it too.”
He was being vulnerable in a way I’d never expected him to be. In a way that made my own heart bleed. My raw and aching heart, that had been through so much, yearned for him, too. Needed him to make it better, make it all go away. Because every moment spent with Damien, was a moment when I felt free again. When I lived. I didn’t want to give that up, but I was so confused. I didn’t know how to navigate my way through this. The grief I felt over my father, the pain from what’d happened, it all became unbearable sometimes, but he was the only one who could numb it.
“Yes,” I gasped. “I feel it too.”
And instantly, he spun me around, pressing my back to the wall as he caged me in.
His hips were flush against mine, and his hands cupped my face as he said, “I can’t fight this anymore. I won’t. I was inside you, at that party. And there hasn’t been a day since that I haven’t craved to be inside you again. I need you, Maya. I’ve just spent four days with the worst fuckers in this world, pretendingthat I’m one of them. And now, I need to get lost in you. I need to remember how good you feel.”
His words, his body, the way he was looking at me like he wanted to devour me made me crave him, too. Made me want all the things he was promising. And his face, so close to mine, his breath lacing my own, made me yearn for him to kiss me. So much so that I couldn’t wait any longer, and I leaned forward, pressing my lips against his. Taking the first step for both of us.
I closed my eyes, wanting to block out the rest of the world as I drowned in the taste of him. And he kissed me back, sliding his fingers into my hair, gripping the nape of my neck as he tilted his head and opened his mouth to deepen the kiss. His tongue tangled with mine and I groaned, wanting more, wrapping my arms around him as I pulled him closer.
Damien tugged my hair, yanking my head back, making me gasp. With his lips a whisper away from mine, he growled, “If you’re not ready for this, you need to say now. Because once I start, I won’t be able to stop.”
“I don’t want you to stop.”
I tried to edge forward, to put my lips back on his, but he held my hair tight, angling my head back as he said, “I’m serious, Maya. Consent is important to me. I need to know I have it.”
“I get that. It’s important to me, too,” I gasped. “I want you...” Then I hesitated, and I saw a flicker of something in his eyes, uncertainty perhaps, or fear maybe? “I want you to make the pain go away.”
I felt his body stiffen.
“I’m not a distraction, Maya.” He watched me for a moment, contemplating his next words. “I don’t want you to use me to forget. I can’t?—”
“Bad choice of words,” I stated, knowing exactly how my words had made him feel, and regretting the way they’d come out. “You’re not a distraction, Damien. But you do make meforget. I can’t deny that. And being with you, I feel like I have a purpose, a future. I want to feel, I want you to make me feel. I want you.”
I waited with bated breath, expecting him to launch himself on me, to carry on devouring me like I wanted him to. But he didn’t. He just cocked his head and asked me the same question I’d asked him only moments ago.
“Why me?”
He released my hair, letting my head fall forward, but he stayed pressed against me, waiting for the answer he needed. Staring at me intently, his eyes flickering between my lips and my eyes, waiting.
“Because every time I’m around you, you affect me. You alter the chemistry in my brain, the air around me. Your presence makes my whole body spark to life. Because when you look at me, my insides do a thing that makes me feel like I’m on some kind of rollercoaster. Like that night, when you walked down the stairs for the first time at the party and I saw you. You took my breath away. You always take my breath away. And because...”
I paused, ready to open my heart.
“You knew what colour my eyes were when you made that sketch of me that you left in the dining room. The one I thought Lysander had drawn. But it wasn’t. It was you who made my blue eyes shine. And even when you were playing the role of the bastard, you always looked out for me, protected me from the drugged drink at the party, sending me gifts to give me hope. And you saw me. The real me. You know what books I like, you think of ways to help me, cooking for me, encouraging me with my dreams. You’re the first person to ever stop and listen. And when you talk, your voice echoes through me, it calls to me. At the end of every day, when you leave, I still hear it. I savour it. You’re like the anchor that’s kept me grounded and sane throughout this whole godforsaken mess. You’re my person,Damien. No matter how much I argue with you or try to fight my feelings, I know it. You are my person.”
I stood still and waited for him to respond but he said nothing. He just stared back at me.
“Say something,” I urged, feeling self-conscious and worrying that maybe I’d said the wrong thing, but he shook his head.
“I don’t know what to say,” he replied quietly. “I think you just made every single dream I’ve ever had come true.”
My heart swelled at his words, and I couldn’t help but smile.
“And yet, you’ve barely touched me. I guess that proves the power of our words.”
