Page 26 of Lost In You
She never got personal or responded to me when I expressed how much I missed her or how I loved her. Red Squared had been calling every other day, per usual, but I refused to talk to him about Ashanni and that was wearing him thin. He thought he needed to know everything that was going on in my life. I hadn’t been talking to Ferris as much. During his free time, he was with Milana, whether they were at a rodeo or just chilling at the house.
It was past time for me to be happy. My mama seemed to think I was rushing it. I didn’t think that was the case until mydad said the same thing. It was just that I knew Ashanni was my one. Despite what she said two weeks ago outside at my mama’s house, she knew it too. It was killing her to leave me that way. She needed me just as badly as I needed her. Jayceon asked about her the entire time we were in Houston that day. I’d told him that we would be meeting up with her. I just told him that something came up, and she couldn’t make it.
Today was going to be a different story. I was going to Nome to talk to her. She had a nigga going through withdrawals. I needed to feel her walls wrapped around me too. That shit was my kryptonite, but it was something I craved at the same time. Jay was with his mother, so that was perfect. I didn’t need him around when I pulled up on her. I needed to be open with the way I expressed myself. I didn’t want to filter a thing.
When I started getting close, I called my dad. He answered on the first ring. “What’s up? You on your way?”
“I just came through Devers.”
“A’ight. She’s at the diner for brunch. She rode with her mama, so her vehicle isn’t there.”
“Thanks, Pop.”
“Yep. Good luck.”
I ended the call and tried to go over in my head what I would say to her. She had been controlling my damn thoughts and haunting my dreams. Now that I didn’t have a job, that shit was consuming me. I had too much love to give to not have her. Somehow, I had to convince her that heaven was right around the corner, but we had to go through hell to get to it. I just hoped she’d been thinking about me as much as I had been thinking about her. If she was, it may not be as hard to convince her as I was thinking it would be.
I pulled up at the diner and could hear the music from outside. It sounded like they were having a good time in there. I got out and checked my reflection. I looked pretty good if Ihad to say so myself. I’d gotten a fresh haircut yesterday, so my waves were really defined. My lips were moisturized, and my pants were starched to country perfection. I was looking my best.
When I walked inside, I saw them in full swing on the dance floor. They had some kind of line dance going on to a song I recognized as “What We Doin’” by Roe Xander. How convenient. He was saying the exact thing I wanted to ask her.Lil baby, what we doin’?I bobbed my head to the beat a bit, until my eyes met hers.
Her movements stilled as she stared at me. Making my way through the crowd, I grabbed her hands and licked my lips, prepared to beg. When the song went off, a slower cut started to play. I gently pulled her to me and wrapped my arms around her as I swayed to the beat. She slid her hands up my chest and around my neck, then laid her head against my shoulder. I swore the soundtrack was meant for us at the moment. It was like God was orchestrating it right now.
“Lost In You” by Dayo Bello was saying everything I wanted to say to her right now. I was definitely lost in her and had been for a while now. The moment my eyes met hers, I didn’t see anyone else. The surprising thing was that Saturdays were usually designated for their Zydeco breakfast. Although it was no longer breakfast time, they still usually kept the zydeco music going, whether it was a live performance or not.
I lowered my head and kissed her forehead. Damn, I missed her so much. I held her tighter and felt her body shudder. She tightened her grip around me too. Our bodies were totally in sync, and we nearly felt like one. I closed my eyes, thankful that I was feeling her touch. When she lifted her head, tears were streaming down her cheeks. I gently wiped them away with my thumb. Our time apart was no longer important. I was just happy she was allowing me in her space today.
I gently pecked her lips, then led her off the dance floor. The song had ended anyway, and they had gotten the party cranked back up with an up-tempo song. Once I stepped outside to the patio area, I turned to face her. We just stared at one another for at least a couple of minutes. Words weren’t needed. Our spirits were doing all the communicating.
Finally, I broke the silence and said, “Hey, Shani.”
“Hey.”
I closed my eyes, not knowing what to say next. I was going over in my head everything I would say to her on the way here, and now that I was face to face with her, I had no words to give. My heart was full, that was for sure.
“Asad, I’m sorry.”
I opened my eyes and said, “I’m the one that should be apologizing. What are you apologizing for?”
“I’m so used to taking control. I don’t know how to just ‘lay in the cut’ and watch someone else handle things.”
She rolled her eyes slightly. “That’s how my daddy said it. He helped me see the error of my ways through a couple of talks. I just wanted to take time to myself to make sure I was ready to reach out.”
“I refused to go another day without seeing you. I came last weekend only to discover you were in Houston. How did that go?”
“People were lined around the building to see Mya. I’m so happy for her and proud that she is my cousin.”
I nodded. “That’s good. You wanna sit down?”
“Yeah.”
This patio was nice. There was an A/C vent out here, and it was covered, but there were no walls. It still had that outside feel. Once we sat, I grabbed her hand and stared at her for a few seconds. “I like that you’re a boss and that you don’t let shit ride. You’re no nonsense. I know who I’m dealing with. I just needyou to be patient with me for a little bit longer. The way I’m gonna get at her gon’ be permanent, baby. The effects of an ass whupping are temporary unless you seriously injure her. What I’m working on gon’ fuck her world up forever.”
“My daddy gave you some serious shit, huh?”
“Yeah. Shit I wouldn’t have believed without proof. You’ll find out soon enough. He didn’t tell you, did he?”
“Naw. He’s being more loyal toyouthan me, and I don’t know how I feel about that.”
