Page 44 of Lost In You
“Can I talk to her?”
I glanced at Ali, who was approaching us again, and he nodded. I handed the phone to Jay and put it on speaker so I could hear what she was saying to him. I knew Ali wanted me to keep her talking. They were tracing the call.
“Mommy!”
“Jayceon! Hi, baby! How are you?”
“Where are you? I miss you!”
He started crying, and she said, “I’m so sorry, baby. Mommy is having difficulties, and it’s best that you be with your dad right now.”
“When will I get to see you? My birthday is coming up. Will I get to see you then?”
She started crying again. Jayceon was turning four next month. There was no way she would see him unless I took him to the jailhouse. That wasn’t gonna happen. I was struggling with this conversation. I glanced over at Ali, and he nodded, indicating they had her. I was about to get Jayceon to give me the phone, but I didn’t have to.
“Jay, Mommy has to go. No matter what happens, just remember that I love you so much. You are perfect. You didn’t do a thing to make things go bad. I messed up. Mommy messed up. Your dad loves you and will take good care of you. Never forget me, okay?”
Jay started crying again, and she ended the call. I didn’t know what would happen to her at this point, but when it came to my son, it didn’t matter. He would still miss her, because he was so innocent and ignorant of her evil side. I didn’t want him to see that version of her. She was a good mother to him. Despite her past, maybe she did love him. She had plenty of opportunities to kill him like she did her last baby.
However, I believed her love for him was initially dependent upon her love for me. I loved her and was there for her until almost two years ago. She killed that shit. By then, she’d gotten attached to him, but she was also using him as leverage to get me back. The last guy didn’t want the baby, and that was why she killed it. The reason for what she did with the twins was self-explanatory. I wasn’t sure why she didn’t just have an abortion with the last baby. I knew with the twins, she was a minor and would have probably needed an adult signature to have it done.
Jayceon fell against me so I picked him up. “I’m sorry, Jay.”
“She said to never forget her. She’s not coming back, is she?”
“No, son. She’s not. I’m so sorry.”
He wrapped his arms around my neck. I gave Ali a head nod as he looked on, his lips tight and his face red. When I went inside, I lowered him on the couch, then grabbed my phone from my pocket. It had chimed with a message that I knew had to be from Ashanni. She messaged us every day at two o’clock.
It was a picture of her making a kissy face and the caption read,Give this to my baby, and tell him I miss him so much.
I showed Jayceon. He smiled slightly. “What does it say?”
“It says, ‘Give this to my baby, and tell him I miss him so much.’ She wants me to give you a kiss and you need to know that it’s from her.”
He smiled as I leaned over and kissed his head. He chuckled and said, “You have to do it on my cheek. Mommy Shani kisses my cheek.”
I slowly shook my head and kissed his cheek while he laughed. “Tell her I said I miss her too, and I’m gonna give her a big hug when I see her.”
I sent the message to Ashanni as he watched. Her message came through at the right time to pull him out of the sadness he was feeling. He was young enough to be okay eventually. I had Ashanni to thank for that.
SEVENTEEN
ASHANNI
“Hey, girl.”
I looked up toward the entrance to see Jess making her way to me. “Hey. You just getting back?”
“Yeah, but I’m gon’ be leaving out in a lil while to go do a video shoot for one of Noah’s artists.”
“That’s what’s up, cuz.”
I sat at the table at the diner, playing over my food. Being here just wasn’t the same anymore. Today would probably be my last day coming in alone. I glanced around the table, imagining Maui was sitting across from me and Milana next to me. After the twins left for school, it was the three of us and sometimes Angel. Of course, whenever the twins were in town, we would really act a fool in order to deal with those two.
Jess sat across from me and just stared. “You okay?”
I sniffed and swallowed the lump in my throat. “I’m cool.”
