Page 31 of While Angels Slept
“Cantia,” he called after her quietly.
She whirled to him, still walking, almost tripping over her skirts as they became entangled in the grass. “No,” she jabbed a finger at him angrily. “No more. Never again will you say those things to me. I will not hear you.”
He took two giant strides and grabbed her. She struggled against him but she was no match for his strength. “Cantia, please hear me,” he very nearly pleaded. “It is not what it seems.”
She looked at him as if he were pure evil. “How can you say that? You are married.”
“By law, yes. But it is not that simple.”
She looked as if she wanted to punch him, her little fists balled up as she struggled. “You have toyed with me. I shall never forgive you for that.”
He spoke steadily, firmly, hoping she would hear his words above her outrage. “My wife has not been a part of my life since my daughter was born,” he said. “She was a noble of Teutonic birth and we were betrothed as children. We were married at a very young age and my daughter was born less than a year later. But Arabel was born with defects and my wife refused to accept the child. She blamed me for everything. She abandoned the baby and she abandoned our marriage. She ran off with one of the German knights who had escorted her to our marriage from her homeland and I’ve not seen her since.”
By this time, Cantia had stopped struggling. She gazed up at Tevin with a mixture of disbelief and anger. “The baby,” she said. “What iswrong with her?”
Tevin’s tight grip on her loosened, his hands beginning to caress her. “She was born with her spine exposed,” he said. “She is a cripple who cannot walk and can barely move her arms. But she is fifteen years old now and the most brilliant woman I have ever known. I am not sorry she was born, not in the least. Though I am sorry every day that her mother left her, I am not sorry that her mother leftme, if that makes any sense. Louisa was proud, arrogant, and cruel. She has been gone these fifteen years and until a few weeks ago, I’d not thought of her in almost as long. And then I met you and began to wonder if the woman still lived. For as long as she lives, I can never remarry. You have made me think of such things and be concerned for them. But that does not stop me from adoring you, Cantia. It does not stop these feelings growing inside of me.”
Cantia just stared at him. He suddenly became so human in her eyes, so fragile. The viscount who commanded thousands was a man with a heavy heart and a humiliating past. She lifted a timid hand to his cheek.
“Oh… my poor Tevin,” she said softly. “Your wife ran off and left you with an ill child.”
He shrugged. It was an old wound, long since healed. “Arabel is a beautiful, intelligent girl. She has been my one joy in life until now. Since I met you, it is as if an entirely new world has opened up to me, something I never knew to exist. I don’t want to lose this, Cantia, but it all seems horribly unfair to you.”
“How do you mean?”
“Because nothing can ever become of it. I cannot marry you, and you should most definitely remarry. You will make some man a very fine wife.”
He hated uttering those words, for they were like daggers to his heart. Cantia removed her hand from his face and lowered her gaze, obviously contemplating all he had just told her. She resumed her walk, following the path of her son. They could see him in the distance,throwing himself on the ground in an attempt to trap his quarry. She came to a halt on the crest of a small hill, about fifteen feet from Tevin. He still stood there, watching the breeze gently blow her hair about, wondering if all of the joy and excitement of the past few weeks had come to a tragic end.
That was more than likely the case. Cantia stood far from him, unmoving and silent. Tevin stood there a nominal amount of time before turning away from her with the intention of returning to the castle. But her soft voice stopped him.
“Tevin,” she called quietly.
He turned to her. “Aye?”
“Your wife,” she began. “Have you ever tried to find her?”
He paused, retracing his steps back in her direction. “Right after she left. But her father told me what she had done. Apparently, she had been in love with this knight since childhood and did not see her marriage to me as an obstacle to their happiness. Her father thought she was living in Paris with this man but he was not sure. I did not pursue it beyond that.”
He was within a few feet of her when she turned to look at him. “I must ask you a serious question.”
“By all means.”
“If your wife was dead, would you want to marry me?”
“Tomorrow, if I could.”
“Do you feel so strongly, then?”
He snorted at the irony of the question. “I believe that I do. Do you?”
She fell silent, her lavender eyes watching her son in the distance. As he watched her, he could see the tears returning. “No, Cantia,” he comforted. “No tears, not now.”
His words only made her burst into soft sobs. With a sigh, Tevin put his arms around her, holding her tightly against him. She clung to him, her soft body pressed close.
“I have felt so guilty for these feelings I harbor for you, thinkingthem very disrespectful to Brac’s memory,” she wept. “At first I thought I felt them because you had been kind to me and I was grieving and lonely, but as time passed, I realized these feelings had nothing to do with Brac’s passing. They were strong on their own. Now I cannot deny them no matter how hard I try.”
His face was buried in the top of her head as he rocked her gently. “As I have harbored the same guilt, only worse. I thought perhaps I was taking advantage of your vulnerability.”
