Page 68 of The Night the Lights Went Out
“Does Wade really put red bows on your sheep at Christmas?” Merilee’s voice brought her back to the present, and she felt an odd gratitude. It also made Sugar think that Merilee must be procrastinating going home, too.
“Yes. He’s incorrigible.”
“You love him like your own grandson.”
Sugar’s lips thinned as she molded them against her teeth. “I allow myself to care for him because he’s not mine to lose. I can live with that.”
“He said his grandmother once told him that you would do anything for those you loved. I think that means you don’t do a good enough job of hiding your indifference,” she said with sarcasm, as if unsure someone so old would understand it.
Sugar grunted, unable to find a suitable sound. “Or maybe I’m immune to the need to perform heroics. No need to rush into a burning building to save someone.”
Merilee gave her a sideways glance. “Well, that’s a good thing. Someone your age shouldn’t be doing that kind of thing anyway.” Merilee stood slowly. “I need to get going. Are you ready?”
Sugar nodded and Merilee helped her to stand. They were walking back toward the parking lot when Merilee asked the question Sugar had been expecting. “What about when Jimmy died—did your life change?”
Sugar took a long time to respond, not sure how much she wanted to tell. Or how much Merilee was ready to hear. “It was because of Jimmy I married Tom. I know Jimmy wanted me to approach the rest of my life with hope. So I promised myself I would never shed another tear. And I haven’t. I just wish he’d been around to warn me what it would cost.”
• • •
SUGAR
1943
Willa Faye grabbed my left hand, looking at the fingers, which were healed but still didn’t look the same as they had before my “accident.” “Where is it?”
I allowed myself to share a little of her excitement. “It’s Tom’s grandmother’s ring and his mother has it in Alabama. I don’t think it would fit over my knuckle now, anyway. His mama’s too ill to travel, and with Tom being called up, we’re not going to have time to have a proper engagement party. I’ll let you break the news to your mother.”
“She will be so disappointed. Especially since it doesn’t look like either one of her daughters will ever get married. Shelivesto entertain and this could have been her one chance to throw a real party.”
I slapped her on the arm. “Don’t be ridiculous. This war will be over soon, and all the men in the county will come running back looking for wives.”
“Have you told President Roosevelt about the war being over soon? He should probably know.”
“All I know is what Tom says, and I’m choosing to believe him.”
Willa Faye gave me a sympathetic smile, but I looked away, not wanting anyone’s sympathy. Despite all I thought I’d learned about life and all its disappointments since Rufus’s death, I had decided to hope. To allow myself to believe that I was truly done with tears. Maybe if Jimmy were alive, he might have told me that I should stop promising myself things I had no control over. Like who to love and when to cry. Because only stupid people did that. Or the kind of people who didn’t believe themselves strong enough to bear one more loss.
“Daddy’s already started building the house—wants it to be ready in time for the wedding. He’s got the house framed and the roof on. Don’t know how he managed that so quick, but I guess Daddy’s got lots of friends who owe him favors from back when times were hard and he put food on their tables.”
“But why so close to the main house? You love those woods so much, I thought for sure that’s where you’d want your house with Tom.”
I rubbed the swollen knuckle, feeling a residual ache, imagined I could hear again the snap of bone. “Daddy said the same thing.” I met her eyes. “But I said no. I wanted the house to be close to theirs so I could take care of Mama. She doesn’t sleep very well at night anymore, and with Daddy having to travel so much now, I’d feel better.”
“I understand,” she said, reaching over to squeeze my hand, and I wondered if she really did. If anybody really ever could. “I’m just wondering what’s the rush to get married. If you wait until Tom comes back, we’ll be able to throw you a proper wedding, with parties and presents and a trip into Atlanta to buy you some new and pretty things.”
I found I couldn’t look at her as I shook my head vigorously. “No. We need to get married now. Before he leaves.”
“Are you afraid he won’t come back? But surely...” She stopped, and I still couldn’t look at her. Couldn’t look at the understanding dawning in her eyes. “Oh, Sugar. Does Tom know?”
I nodded. “Yes. I couldn’t marry him without telling him the truth. But I didn’t tell him it was Curtis.”
Her hand squeezed mine. “Why not?”
“Because Tom would hunt him down and kill him, and I don’t want Tom to pay the price for Curtis’s sins. He’d never tell the police the reason why for the same reason I can’t. I’ve got to live here and hold my head up. So I told Tom I didn’t recognize the man, that it must be one of the temporary farmworkers who’d helped with the harvest and that he must have moved on because I hadn’t seen him again.”
“But what if Curtis comes back?” She pulled away, lowering her voice. “What will you do?”
“I’ll kill him myself.” The words were spoken before I knew I’d given them permission to leave my mouth.
