Page 88 of Dreams of Falling
2010
Ceecee hummed to the music on the stereo as she swept the dusting rag across the dark wood of the dining room table, carefully lifting one silver candelabra and then the next so as not to scratch the table’s varnished surface.
The pair had been a wedding gift from Bitty’s parents, and now Ceecee considered them a cherished heirloom that she’d one day pass down to Larkin. She didn’t think Larkin had a dining table, much less a dining room, in her Brooklyn apartment, but that didn’t worry Ceecee. She had no doubt that by the time she departed this earth, Larkin would have come to her senses and moved back home.
She moved to the sideboard, spotting the album Mack had brought down from the attic, open to a page near the back. She pulled the album closer to look at the photograph stuck in the middle, then carefully lifted the plastic cover and removed it. Her heart ached as she looked at it, her memories thick with grief and longing. It was the photograph of Reggie and Boyd on the day they’d all gone to the Pavilion and posed behind the cardboard cutouts.
In the years since, Ceecee had often wished she could turn backtime to that exact day. That moment. So much pain could have been avoided. And Margaret might still be alive.
She turned at the sound of feet clattering on the stairs, and spotted Larkin wearing a too-large bathing suit held together in the back with shoestrings and carrying a frayedLittle Mermaidbeach towel that had probably been in the linen closet since Larkin was a little girl.
Larkin poked her head into the room. “‘Moon River.’ Andy Williams.” Grinning, she said, “Am I right?”
“Have you ever been wrong?”
“No, ma’am,” Larkin said, still grinning. She eyed the album. “I’ve been meaning to ask you about something.”
Ceecee felt a prickle of heat trickle down her spine.
“When Mabry and I were looking through these photographs, we found one of two young men, one of whom I assumed was my grandfather. It was black-and-white, so I wasn’t sure, but I couldn’t figure out which one was him.”
“That’s because you take after your grandmother. And that’s not a bad thing.” Ceecee pressed the photograph she’d been looking at against her housecoat, hoping Larkin didn’t notice.
“Yes, but I could swear Mama resembled one of them more than the other. Although Mabry and I thought the men looked related.”
Ceecee forced a laugh and continued dusting. “Yes, well, as you said, it’s an old photo.”
“Let me show you what I mean.” Larkin flipped through the album, the crease between her brows deepening. “That’s funny. I’m sure we didn’t take it out.” She glanced over at the gleaming dining table. “I wonder where it could be.”
“It can’t have gone far,” Ceecee said reassuringly. She scrubbed at an imaginary smudge on the sideboard as she carefully slid the photograph into the pocket of her housecoat. “Where are you off to this morning?”
“Thought I’d lay out on the dock and try to get some color. I’m as pale as the underside of a fish. I think a tan would complement the yellow dress, don’t you agree?”
Ceecee nodded, remembering Margaret’s golden skin against the yellow of the dress. That was in the days before people knew what UV rays or skin damage were. It was almost unfair that Margaret would never have to regret her days of sun worship, remaining young and unwrinkled for eternity.
But even as the thought passed through her mind, Ceecee cringed. “Yes, it would. But you need to protect your skin, too. You don’t want to look like shoe leather before you’re thirty.”
“Don’t worry—I already put on my sunscreen. And I’ve got a conference call at eleven thirty, so I can’t stay out too long. I’ll visit Mama at the hospital when I’m done.”
There was a hitch in her voice, and Ceecee reached over to stroke Larkin’s cheek. “It’s hard on all of us, sweetheart. But I know how extra hard it’s been on you.”
“I’m finding out so much about her now. I just wish...” She stopped.
“Don’t. Wishing won’t change anything. Your mama raised you the way she did because that’s what she thought was best. Heaven knows I did my best to fill in, but I think we can both agree that there were big faults in my methods. The one thing you should never have to wonder is whether you were loved. If every child was given the amount of love you were, the world would be a much better place.”
There were tears in Larkin’s beautiful eyes as she regarded Ceecee. “Then why am I such a mess?”
Ceecee leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “Oh, sweetheart, don’t you know? It’s because everything that’s beautiful and worthwhile on this earth starts out as a pile of mess. Think of butterflies. It’s the struggle to get past the messy part that makes us who we are.”
“But what if I can’t get past it? Does that mean I’m a failure?”
“Never,” Ceecee said. “You are so strong and brave. You always have been, with or without my interference.”
She studied Larkin for a long moment, remembering her as a young girl, how she’d tried to smooth over any bumps in Larkin’s life, and wondered how much she should say. “I probably shouldn’t have interfered so much in your life. You would have been just fine figuring itout on your own. I was trying to fulfill an obligation I owed. I couldn’t have been all bad, because you’ve never stopped kicking and screaming. Some people give up the first time they fall down. For others, failure makes them stronger. It makes them keep trying until they figure out their purpose in this world.”
Larkin looked at her skeptically. “Really? So my purpose was to be a copywriter for an advertising agency?”
Ceecee hugged her, smelling the coconut scent of sunscreen. “If that makes you happy, then yes. But if something’s still missing, then you’re not done fighting.”
