Page 84 of The Lost Hours
“Miss Piper—wait.”
I turned around. Lucy was standing, her stockinged feet in the dust, and she was handing me her fluorescent purple crop. I’d always wanted a colorful one as a young girl, and my grandfather had always said no, that they weren’t for serious riders. But there’d been one wrapped under the Christmas tree one year with a tag that read from both of my grandparents, but it hadn’t occurred to me until now who’d really given it to me.
“And this, too.” She ran to the fence surrounding the ring and took an adult riding hat sitting on the top rail. “This is Miss Andi’s—she left it here yesterday. It should fit.”
With a nod of thanks, I took the crop and the hat, then led Captain Wentworth to the mounting block. I lengthened the stirrup leathers before placing my left foot into the iron, and before I could talk myself out of it, I threw my right leg over his back. He stayed perfectly still as we both got used to each other and I fought the urge to dismount again.
I wasn’t wearing riding boots, so I was at a disadvantage, but I nudged Captain Wentworth into a walk with a slight pressure from my calves. Lucy backed up and lifted herself onto the fence so she could watch me, just as she’d promised. Today the familiar rhythm of the horse’s gait and the sound of hooves on packed earth held no fear for me; instead they were like a lullaby sung by my mother but forgotten long ago. I allowed myself to be lulled, then squeezed my calves into his side a little more and began to trot.
Maybe this will be enough,I thought as I moved swiftly around the perimeter of the ring. Captain Wentworth’s long stride covered the ground quickly, the wind washing over my face and into my open mouth, making me realize that I was smiling.
“Nice transition, Miss Piper,” Lucy called out.
Yes. Yes, it was.I smiled more broadly and continued in a posting trot, feeling Captain Wentworth’s restraint underneath me and my own restraint in the tension in my hands on the reins.I want to move. I want to soar.It was as if the horse had spoken out loud and I had shouted assent because I tightened my reins and signaled for the canter, feeling the horse reaching farther. My body adjusted to the rhythm as if it had never forgotten how, my heart adjusting to the joy of it as if it had.
From the corner of my eye I watched as Lucy opened the gate. “I think he wants to gallop, Miss Piper.”
Unsure, I led Captain Wentworth in a canter around the ring twice more, but felt his pull, which matched my own. We both wanted to run as fast as we could, as if the years of being tethered had only made us want it more. Feeling as if we’d been meant to do this all along, I led him through the gate and pushed him into a hand gallop as we reached the fields behind Asphodel, hearing Lucy clapping and cheering as we sped by.
We ran until we were both covered in sweat, running until we’d outrun all of our demons and shed the ghosts we’d carried on our backs like a child collects rocks, heavy but without value. We ran until the blood flowed in my veins with the same rhythm of the horse’s galloping hooves, and I could no longer taste the bitterness in my mouth.
Our energy expired at the same time, and I slowed him down to a canter and then a trot, then finally to a slow walk so we could both find our breaths. My knee felt sore, but not with the pain I’d feared.
We heard the clapping and cheering when we were still a good distance away and Captain Wentworth lifted his head in regal acknowledgment as he led us back into the ring. I looked up in surprise when I realized Lucy had been joined by Tucker and Sara, and their cheering was as wild and enthusiastic as Lucy’s.
Tucker met us in the middle of the ring but didn’t wait for me to dismount. Instead he reached up for me and I gratefully slid into his embrace, glad for his arms around me, which seemed to be holding me up. “I can’t believe I just did that.” I pressed my forehead into his chest and began to sob, the tears cleansing me of all the regret and anger I’d collected since the night my parents had died and left me to believe that I was invincible.
I cried harder, remembering the grandmother who’d used her garden to try to teach me that I was wrong, that each year her blooms had to fight different enemies but if she kept the soil rich and firmly packed, and with the right amount of water, her plants would grow stronger each year, better able to withstand the onslaughts of nature. And I remembered, too, that she’d never given up on me.
I cried, too, for a little boy whose only sin was to have been born at the wrong time, and for the women who would have cherished him had he lived.
Tucker held me until my sobs stopped and my shoulders weren’t shaking anymore. I felt his lips in my hair. “You were amazing,” Tucker said, his voice close to my ear.
I pulled back to look in his eyes, and saw that he was smiling. “Really?”
“Yeah, really.”
And it seemed the most natural thing in the world for him to lean down and touch his lips to mine, and just as natural for me to put my arms around his neck and pull him closer. It felt as if we’d found something we hadn’t known was lost, tucked beneath years of grief and regret.
“Get a room.”
We were suddenly reminded that we weren’t alone. We broke apart and saw Sara with her hands covering her eyes and Lucy looking away. Even Captain Wentworth faced the other direction.
“Where did you hear that, young lady?”
I could tell Tucker was trying hard not to laugh and schooled my own face to a serious expression, realizing he was being a parent.
“Cable television,” Lucy said, still avoiding looking at us.
Tucker nodded silently. “I guess I’ll have to talk with Emily about that.”
Sara ran up to us and tugged on Tucker’s shirt. “Can we go eat now? Odella made lemon bars today and she said we can’t have them till after supper.”
Lucy walked toward Sara as if getting ready to leave. I put my hand out and touched her shoulder. “Wait a minute. I thought we had a deal.”
She slid a wary glance over to Captain Wentworth. “I’ll do it tomorrow.”
“No. You need to get back on now.”
