Page 14 of Waiting For Ever
I break the spell because I need to. Either that or I’m going to completely leave my body and kiss him. “Uh, thanks, that feels better.”I pull my leg back, which makes him pull his hands back. “That stuff works fast.”
“Yeah, Allie and I made it.”
“Wait. You made it?”
Chuckling, he nods. “I’ll be right back.” The deep sound of his voice settles in my stomach, warming it like the balm warms my calf.
I watch as he washes his hands at the kitchen sink and decide to take my shot to feed my curiosity. “How’d you meet Allie and get into . . . all of this?”
“Ahhh, that’s a long story.” He rubs his palm over his chest as he makes his way back to the living room.
Nervous tic?My intrigue is growing. “Well, I don’t have any place to be. Do you?”
He sits down in his original spot, not as close. “Maybe we should just watch the movie.”
I swallow my disappointment at his seat choice and double down on my inquiry. “Why don’t you want to answer the question?” I challenge. My curiosity and interest in this thirst trap of a man outweighs my introverted nature. I don’t recognize this bold girl, but I think I like her. I hold my breath and wait for his reply.
“Why are you here?” he counters. “With Allie? Away from your home, your family, alone?”
“Fair. But I asked you first.”
I watch him as he turns his face toward the screen. The movie is still playing, but I’ve turned the sound down. With a heavy exhale, he reaches out and squeezes my foot, his hand swallowing it. I swallow hard at the intimacy of it—not sexual, but it sends a heat wave to my lower region.
“Are we really going to do this, Ever?”
I blink once, twice, wrapping my brain around his words. “Do what?” My brain catches up and smacks my libido back to reality. “Get to know each other? I mean, we work together every day. We’ll be sharing the same living space for three weeks. And now you’re training me. Wouldn’t it be weird not to?”
“Fair,” he repeats back to me. “I’ve just never told anyone before. Except Allie, who I think missed her calling as a therapist, by the way. But even she only got the highlights.”
“Hmm.” I consider his response and choose the benign part to reply to. “But, right? She’s always been that person you can confide in, even when you didn’t think you wanted to. How long have you known her? How did you meet?”
“Man, this conversation is making me want a drink. And I don’t really drink that much anymore.”
“Me neither. Did you used to?”
He exhales again, his cheeks puffing up, lips forming an O. He squeezes my foot he’s still holding and turns his face to mine. What I see in his crystal blue eyes breaks my heart. I echo his exhale and keep my eyes locked on his and wait for him to speak.
Chapter 14
Julian
Her eyes look dark gray right now, locked on mine, like storm clouds that perfectly mirror my thoughts. The memories crash through my mind and settle in my chest. I haven’t spoken about this to anyone, not in any real detail. Not even to Allie, although she knows more than anyone. She’s so easy to talk to and she saved my life, but some of the darkest memories I keep to myself. I’m not sure this girl—or anyone—can handle hearing any of it, let alone the dark parts. I can barely handle the memory of it myself—which is why I try not to remember it at all. But I want to tell her. I want to let her in. Which fucks with my head, because I haven’t wanted to let anyone in before. If I tell her, will she look at me the same after? Like I’m some storybook hero sent here specially for her? That might be what captures me most. The way she looks at me like I’m somebody. It transports me back in time to the only other person to look at me that way—make me feel that way. Like someone who matters. And that look lied to me that I could have a do-over. I know I can’t turn back time and I know I can’t bring her back. Not that kind of do-over. A do-over where I matterto someone again and let them matter to me. Rubbing that place on my chest, the empty heart tattoo, I decide to rip the bandage off. I’ll either send her running for the hills or plunge us both over the edge of the cliff. God knows I can’t offer her the knight in shining armor she seems to think I am or could be. But damn if I don’t want to be.
How did I get here? Am I really going to let this girl in?
I’m clenching her foot in my hands like a lifeline. “I did a lot, right after . . .” I pause, seeing it . . . her . . . again in my mind for the first time in years. “Drinking helped me go numb, try to forget.” I watch my hands clasp and unclasp her foot. I swallow, my mouth dry. “When I was eighteen, my high school girlfriend died.” I pause, swallow again, my mouth filling with saliva now, my stomach churning. “She didn’t just die. She killed herself. And it was my fault.” I stop, turn my head, lock eyes with her and wait for the horrified expression I was sure would come, the judgment.
Instead, her stormy eyes go opaque and fill with unshed tears.
I turn my gaze back to her foot in my stilled hands. I don’t want to see the pity I know comes next. I start to move my hands from her foot, to leave.
She reaches out and grabs one of my hands in hers. “I’m so sorry that happened.” I lift my eyes back to hers and watch one tear spill and race down her cheek. I absently reach out to catch it and she leans into my hand. She closes her eyes at my touch, causing more tears to fall.
What is this girl doing to me?
“Ever . . . don’t cry.” I can’t stop myself. I reach for her and pull her slight frame onto my lap and wrap my arms around her—to comfort her, I tell myself, but the feel of her body in my lap, in my arms, comforts me. I bury my face in her neck andinhale deeply.
She does the same to me. Like mimes, we mimic each other’s moves. My hand slides up her back to tangle in her hair. Hers grabs the back of my neck to keep me there. Her body curves around mine. Like a yin and yang symbol, we meld together. And I feel her lips lightly press against the pulse in my neck, almost like she’s trying it out. I hear the lowmmmfrom her throat as I feel the vibration in her lips. My body instantly reacts. And strangely, instead of fanning the flame, it douses it. I move my hands to her shoulders and, squeezing, I gently move her off my lap and away from me.
