Page 15 of Waiting For Ever
“I . . . I’m . . . was that not okay?” She looks confused and embarrassed.
I fucking hate that I put that look there. With my head in my hands, elbows on my knees, I answer, “No. Ever, it’s not that. Look, we just . . . we can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t bethatguy. I’m not that guy. Okay?” I can’t admit it to her, but I can admit it to myself. I’m scared. Scared of what I feel. Scared of what I want. And scared of how I’ll manage to keep my distance for the next three weeks.
Chapter 15
Everly
Without waiting for an answer, Julian gets up and takes the stairs two at a time and disappears into his room. I hear the doors close, first his bedroom door then his bathroom door, moments before I hear the water from the shower turn on.
I sit frozen for a few more minutes, swallowing my embarrassment. Did I really try to kiss him? I have no idea why I went there, like my lips had a mind of their own.Who are you and what have you done with Everly?Obviously, I have no clue what I’m doing, and it showed. Was he completely turned off by my efforts? I didn’t get that vibe from him. But if the tea is accurate, he’s used to much more “mature” attention.
Stick to the book boyfriends of your dreams. You’re much smoother in make-believe worlds.
I turn off the TV, casting the living room into darkness, and trudge to the kitchen to clean up any remnants of dinner before making my way up to my room, to lose myself in my current book and attempt to forget about the “boy next door.”
By the time I get upstairs, it’s quiet on the other side of the bathroom door. I tentatively check to find it unlocked and move toward the sink to brush my teeth. The air is post-shower steamy and filled with his scent. I brush my teeth quickly and retreat to my own room. Intending to read, I flip the light switch off, slide my sweats down my legs and leave them on the floor where they drop, crawl under the covers and take my Kindle from the nightstand.
I awake to his smell, his hands shaking my shoulders and my name on his lips. “Ever, hey, wake up. It’s okay. You’re dreaming. Hey, it’s Julian.”
“I know. I can smell you.” His chuckle, a deep rumble, is his reply.
I love that sound. Then . . .
“I think you’re still asleep. You okay?”
Scrubbing my hands over my face, causing his hand to slip from my shoulder, I answer back. “Yeah, I am. I think. Sorry. Did I wake you?” Flashes of the dream come back, and I shudder involuntarily at the images.
“Hey, shhhh. Take a breath. I’m right here. You’re safe.”
I feel the bed dip where he sits down, and I drop my hands from my face to focus on him. His face is a shadow, backlit by the hall light in my doorway. He came through the hall, my mind registers. Not the bathroom. “I . . . I just have these . . . I remember some of the stuff and it . . . I’m okay now. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t. I was finishing some work. I heard you. Tried to check on you but the bathroom door was locked. So I came through the hall. Listen, I can stay. If you want . . .”
“No.” Cutting him off, I scoot up so I’m leaning against the headboard. “I’m good.”
“You’re shaking. And sweating. Let me get you a cold washcloth. Hold on.”
Within moments he’s back, rubbing a cool cloth along the back of my neck. Then he blows on the dampened spot of skin.
I feel the pressure behind my eyes before the tears gather. I lean my head forward, intending to hide my face in my hands but end up resting my forehead on his chest instead because it’s right there. I want to leave it there, but I don’t. I lift my hands to his bare chest and try to push him back.
He’s solid and doesn’t move an inch.
“Julian, stop. You’re confusing me. Why are you being so nice to me?”
I hear his exhale and feel it on my cheek before answers. “I don’t know, Ever. When I hear you calling out in your sleep like you’re scared, in pain, I can’t help it. I want to protect you. Make it stop. I can’t leave you alone.”
“Then don’t. Leave me alone. Stay. Please.”
With a groan, he scoops me off the bed and trades places with me. With no effort he sits leaning against the headboard and deposits me snugly in his lap. The soft cotton of his pajama bottoms caresses my bare legs. I remember I’m only wearing a T-shirt and underwear, but I don’t care. Shivering at his closeness and his arms wrapping around me, he mistakenly thinks I’m cold. His body is a furnace and I’m still clammy from the dream, but he reaches for the comforter and pulls it up around my shoulders, wrapping his arms back around me on top of the blanket. He rests his chin on top of my head, and sighs as he rubs his hands up and down my arms. I don’t know how long we stay like this. I fit perfectly in his lap, like a glove on a hand. Every part ofme relaxes into him. The rhythm of his breathing soothes me, lulls me, and I must eventually fall back to sleep.
The next thing I know I wake up lying next to him, his arms still around me, his body stretched out facing me. Mine mirrors his. We both must’ve shifted in our sleep, but we’re still curled into each other, touching forehead to almost toes. I can feel every inch of him like a fever on my body. Heat emanates off him and sets me on fire. I want to move to cool down, but I don’t want to wake him. I don’t want him to leave. My heart begins a loud racing thud in my chest. I have no idea how long we’ve been asleep, but it’s still dark outside.
His arms tighten around me, his hips pressing against me.
My breath hitches. Is he awake? I don’t want to open my eyes and give myself away or break the spell. My arms are curled between us, resting on his chest. I feel his heartbeat speed up. I flatten my hands against his chest and raise my head slowly to sneak a look at his face.
Chapter 16
