Page 5 of Waiting For Ever
The cool night air hits my face like a splash of ice water and the frigid wood of the porch stings my bare feet. Both wake me up enough to grasp my situation. I turn ready to explain myself to Kendall, to get her to understand, to understand it myself, but the door slams in my face.
With the cold seeping into my bones now, I dash across the wet grass to my car and climb into the driver’s seat. I don’t know how long I sit there watching my breath vaporize in front of me, trying to makesense of the last few minutes and piece together the hours leading up to it.
I jump at the tap on my window. Chase is bent over waving at me, his breath heavy and fogging up the window between our faces. I press the start button to unlock the window and roll it down. He nervously smiles at me. It registers through my fuzzy brain that I’ve never seen him look timidbefore.
“I’m going to make this right, Evvie. I promise. She’ll calm down once I explain.” He smiles reassuringly, like he just solved everything with those three sentences.
“Explain what? What the hell happened? Why is she so pissed? I wasn’t even that drunk. And I’d never try to hook up with you.” I recall snippets of Kendall encouraging me to sleep off my slurred state so I could drive home later. Beyond that, it’s fuzzy. Like an out of focus picture. I could almost see it, make out what it is, but I’m not quite sure. The only thing I am sure of—I didn’t come on to Chase. That’s just not who I am, drunk or not.
Chapter 5
Everly
Present Day
It’s been a week. I’ve been living in one of Allie’s spare rooms on Blue Lake and working at Fit for seven days now. And soon I’ll start helping at Brew. Online school is even easier than public school. I haven’t turned in any assignments yet, but I’m getting them done effortlessly and catching up quickly. I’ll have to work out how I’ll get myself to and from school when I need to check in and turn in work. A problem for another day.
Via has only called me once since I’ve been gone. If I’m being honest, that call felt obligatory. I don’t call her because I never know who else is around. I mean, she could just not answer my call if she weren’t alone, but I don’t even want my name popping up on her screen in mixed company. We agreed not to tell anyone (except her boyfriend, Ryan) where I am—just that our mom decided it was best if I left. As far as anyone in OV is concerned, I’m a ghost. Ideally,they’ll all forget I even exist. Not likely. But if there’s one thing I know about small towns, it’s that a new scandal will give said town something else to talk about if you just give it time.
I realize I’ve traded one small town for another, but I plan to fly under the radar as long as I’m here.
Lilly, I’ve decided, is my favorite part of Blue Lake so far. She and her boyfriend, Noah, the other Fit employee, are seniors at Blue Lake High, where I’ll report once a week to drop off my assignments and finish my senior year. Lilly is a magnet. She pulled me in immediately and radiates this authentic simplicity unlike anyone I’ve ever met. No agenda, no hidden aggression, or mean girl antics, she is equal parts bubbly sarcasm and laid-back chill. She doesn’t waste her words and is a gifted and animated storyteller, which she attributes to her Native American roots—healers and medicine men, she calls them. Her stories appeal to my bookworm nature, and I hang on every word. Especially (selfishly) the tidbits she drops about Julian. Cougars aside, I’m insatiably curious about him. The ripped muscles, chiseled physique, sculpted face, and endless pools of deep blue eyes captivate me. The man could be a model. But his patience with his older clients and quiet reserve captivate me more and frankly don’t track with the cougar bait he’s rumored to be. I tether between whether he rates as a favorite or someone to avoid at all costs.
According to recent tea from Lilly, he may be a bit of both. She gives me a comically vivid rundown on everyone we encounter throughout the workdays, including Julian—the little she knows. Like that he showed up in Blue Lake three years or so ago and began shadowing Allie, learning to be a personal trainer. Lilly had only worked for Allie the last two years, so it was before her time. I appreciate her commitmentto offering me a roadmap to my new life. It makes me adore her more—that she seems to genuinely care if I fit in here, for which I am endlessly grateful. Julian did not. But I’m still intrigued—maybe more in his seeming disinterest. I low-key hate that typical drama-girl response.
Oh, he’s not interested in me, okay now I’m interested.
I’m smarter than that, and if my recent past has taught me anything, it’s to avoid drama. Over the last week, he’s kept his distance, but I would still catch him watching me in the mirrors that litter the walls. Maybe because I’m watching him too. I don’t know much or anything about him except that he takes excellent care of his body, works hard at whatever he does, doesn’t seem to have much of a sense of humor, attracts older women like a moth to flame and apparently hates old-school rock.
Yesterday, I came into Fit and of course he beat me there, even though I was a half hour early for my shift. Some weird unspoken competition between us, at least for me. I dropped my stuff on the shelf in the back room and flicked the switch for the studio music. Axl Rose was singing “I need you.” “Patience” is just one of those songs I can’t not love. Old-school rock reminds me of my parents and being young, before life got sad and complicated. It’s hard and loud with deliciously long guitar riffs, and it soothes me. This Guns N’ Roses song reminds me of my dad. Feeling nostalgic, I turned it up. Not exactly a workout song, but a vibe that makes me sing along and whistle if you know it like I do. As I came around the corner from the office area behind the counter, Julian slammed his weight down with a crash and stormed to the receiver and flipped the switch off, turned and proceeded to storm back to his weights.
“What the hell,Julie? Good morning to you too.”
He stopped mid storm and, with his back to me, his shoulders rose with the deep breath he took. He turned and focused his eyes somewhere just above my head. “Look, can we not do the sappy old-school rock? It’s not really workout music anyway. Cool?” He lowered his eyes to mine and waited.
I gave him half-heartedwhateverhands as I nodded, shrugged and said, “Sure.”
He gave me one nod and turned to go, more calmly, but like it took effort.
Moody much? I wondered for a second if the guy took steroids but dismissed it just as quickly. He takes impeccable care of his body, maniacally reads ingredients labels and is quick to tell Allie if some drink, protein bar or snack she stocks isn’t up to his standards. It doesn’t happen often because Allie is just as particular as he is. I’m learning a lot about whole body health from them and I’m here for it. I want to roll my eyes sometimes at their overly obsessive ways, but I find it all too fascinating to mock.
Since coming here, my nervous system is the calmest it’s ever been, and considering the train wreck that is my life, that’s saying something. Overthinking the puzzle of this man doesn’t stress me out like it should. It makes my heart race, but in the best way. I find I’m less interested in my latest book boyfriend because it seems I have a real one to obsess over. A guy. Not a boyfriend. Something tells me Julian doesn’t do the boyfriend thing. And I am not ready to admit that I care why.
I could never imagine myself with anyrealguy before. Real guys never measured up to the fictional ones. Again, Via might be right (although I’ll never admit it to her) and my obsession with fictional characters might’ve ruined me for real life experiences. Until now. And with everything I’ve been accused of back home, you’d think I’d be steering clear of all guys. But I can’t help it with Julian. He makes me feel things. Want things. Damn the books. I’m creating my own forbidden love interest. He’s too old for me. He’s seen more life than twenty-one years (according to Lilly) should allow. You could tell. It’s in the eyes.
Poetry aside, they really are windows to the soul, and his scream tortured. And if any of the rumors are true, Allie found him on the street and took him in a few years ago. And while I feel like the oldest eighteen-year-old I know—coming here by myself and starting a new life goes a long way in making me feel like an adult—inside, I’m still the virginal, awkward high school senior who’s never even kissed a guy. Which makes the rumors in Oak Valley even more ridiculous, although utterly life ruining, at least for me. Everyone else involved seems to be doing just fine with me as enemy number one and the cause of the whole mess. If they only knew how far from a home-wrecker I really am, they’d feel stupid and maybe even guilty.
I still haven’t filled in all the blind spots in my memory of that night. My sister got more details after visiting the hospital the next day, but the version of events she was told didn’t add up. Kendall found me and Chase in their bed together and threw me out of their house. And after that, she apparently took a bunch of pills and tried to kill herself—the richest, most popular girl in town, who seemed to have everything going for her. It didn’t make sense. I don’t remember the drive back home. But I woke up in my own bed with the clothes I wore the night before, clearly untouched sexually speaking. I’ve hadsnippets of Chase’s hands on me, like it was a dream. I did recall Via and Ryan leaving early while Chase and Kendall, their best friends and my surrogate older siblings, assured them they’d look out for me and told them to “let the birthday girl have some fun for once.” But is that what I remember or what they filled in for me? Did I come on to Chase in a drunken state?
Somehow, I know I would never do that. But alcohol makes people do things they wouldn’t normally do, lowers inhibitions. Still, I didn’t want Chase like that. I admit, I am a little obsessed with the idealistic nature of their life together. I envisioned having something like it someday. So maybe I did crush on Chase in some indirect way. I didn’t think I did, though. Again, is this just what people are telling me so I’m adopting it as truth? And I could’ve asked Chase point-blank if I’d had the chance. But I never did. And I didn’t dare call or text him for fear I would give them evidence of my “misdeeds.” The biggest question of all though was why Chase didn’t clear it up. Because it made him look guilty? But still, was he so afraid of Kendall he’d let a whole town vilify and cancel me? Is he that much of a coward? I mean, I wouldn’t call him a humanitarian or anything, but I’d not personally seen this self-serving side of him before. And since there was no way to prove my virginity, I sat in silence while they shamed, smeared and bullied me.
I guess it doesn’t even matter now. I left town and my life as I knew it, hoping to diffuse the situation. It wasn’t fair to Olivia to have her life turned upside down because of me. She practically raised me the last few years while our mom traveled for work. Not that I needed raising exactly. I’m pretty self-sufficient and have been since I turned twelve. But Mom needed to work. I was glad she found an exciting jobto keep her busy, if not happy. Losing our dad in Afghanistan when I was twelve threatened to destroy us all. But it didn’t. He was a soldier since before I was born. He was deployed somewhere almost all my life. Most of our quality time with him existed through a screen. When we gotthe visit, it shook us, but the daily trajectory of our lives didn’t change much—or at all. At least for me. I lost myself in books and school even more than I did before and tried hard not to need anyone. Via lost herself in Ryan and Mom traded in her regular flight attendant job for a VIP one. She’s at the beck and call of some of the richest people in the world, traveling to the coolest places, and she loves it. She can’t even tell us who she works for most of the time. My propensity for perfectionism grew exponentially after that so my mom wouldn’t feel guilty for all the time she spent away. I kept overachieving so Mom had nothing to worry about.
Olivia and I both did our best not to need her. And truly we didn’t. The bills were paid automatically, and Ryan happily did some of theboyjobs around the house, like mowing the lawn. He and my sister behaved like an old married couple almost since they began dating. Old souls, everyone says. Eventually Mom made enough money to just hire a gardener to come every two weeks. Our house is modest compared to our friends’ but nice. It has a built-in pool and each of the three bedrooms is a master suite, so we all have our own bathrooms. Well . . . had. I liked my life there, even though it was boring by most teenage standards. But after that night—The Night—I had a social hit out on me and Via started to become collateral damage. I got bullied on social media, including online death threats, until I deleted it all. Harassed wherever I went, the final straw was my car getting vandalized. That was when Via called Allie. Not Mom. Allie.
Today, I’m scheduled to meet Julian at Brew, the seasonal café/marina, to learn the lay of the land. Spring break is coming, then summer, and I’ll need to know it all so I can keep up with the diners, campers, boaters and day trippers. This is the first time I’ll be on the other side of the crowd. And I’m honestly looking forward to it. Staying busy means less time to overthink and analyze my life. I’m not ready to address whether my new work buddy has anything—or everything—to do with my excitement. But I know it does. At times I think he’s intrigued by me too. Other times, he seems utterly annoyed with my mere existence.
I leave early enough so I can walk the short distance around the edge of the lake to Brew. The air is brisk, but spring is making its appearance. The ground is a blanket of green velvet, sparkling in the morning dew, winking at me like stars at night. The air is so clean and crisp it almost hurts my lungs but in a good way. Healing indeed.
